Post a pix in your mask.

[GUBU]

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Borked.

[Rev. Rye]

And now for the Rev. Rye pandemic 2020 Fall collection.

Music, as always:




Zazpiak Bat, everyone! For the person in your life obsessed with the primordial underdogs of Europe, this little number came from RedBubble, and is based on the Ikurriña, the flag of the Basque nation. Unfortunately, even though we took great pains to make sure that we bought the ones whose colors and proportions matched the one on Wikipedia, it wound up arriving a bit faded, and, in retrospect, it’s a bit primitive. 


And, for those of us who might consider a non-Basque wearing an Ikurriña flag mask as cultural appropriation for those without any Basque Blood (even if done as an expression of solidarity), here’s our model (with a plurality of German ancestry) wearing this one based on the German flag. It’s made of linen on the back and what might be windbreaker fabric on the front, and it will pinch your lower eyelids. 



And, so, looking back at another group That probably has a non-negligible amount of blood in the average American mutt, we look back to Scotland with this fitted Royal Stewart Tartan mask (because our model couldn’t find a cheap one with the clan he is descended from, Clan Duncan, and He probably preferred the red and-black domination over the blue and Green anyway.) Unfortunately, this fitted mask wound up being too small for our model, being a slightly-above-average-sized man, although it’s probably going to fit a smaller person, especially a woman, just right. This might be the last time I try and buy something from a store with the “Regency” in the name, because that’s probably a red flag that this wasn’t for our model.



And so, our tour of the nations goes back to Germany, with this Spandex model. It’s actually more comfortable than the previous version, and if there’s a flaw in this one, it may just be that one of the ear loops seems to be made from two pieces of elastic. With the Bundesadler on the front, it’s simple and elegant. 



This item isn’t quite what we were looking for when we stumbled upon it. After all, our favorite medical drama is The Knick, but, much to our surprise, we were unable to find a single mask based on the show. Frankly, given the show’s obscurity and the fact that it took place far enough in the past that many of the surgeries were unmasked anyway, this probably shouldn’t be surprising. Fortunately, we found one from our second-favorite medical drama. But at about $8 with free shipping, this was a steal, and, odds are, you’ll find more people who recognize this than anything in The Knick anyway.



And now for the first mask in the collection with a filter pocket, it’s something that will let the people around you know “An anti-masker once tried to test me: I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” They’ll be on their own for the untranscribable sucking noise. Just be sure that you get it right so it really looks like a real bite guard, something our model failed to do in the rush to take the picture. 



Do you live in a society? Do you think it’s possible your death will make more cents than your life? Are you Constantly teetering on the brink of seeing life as either a tragedy or a comedy? Then have we got a mask for you: it’s a cheap, sling-looking mask with a combination eleastic-and-beads system of ear loops to ensure a perfect fit. And, like the last mask, it’s got a pocket filter. Just be sure to get the one with Joaquin Phoenix’ Joker face. And be prepared to wait a while for it to come. And be sure that when you go out, you don’t have much important to say, because it’s probably going to be muffled. 



And now, a budget item in the “hey, Jewel is finally selling reusable masks” collection. This is a lot simpler, a solid royal blue fitted mask, with a filter pocket that’s smaller and more convoluted to fill than the one in our last two masks. But, at least when you put it on, it at least does its job, and at $2.49, it’s a steal in comparison to everything else in the collection.



And finally, we have a return to the Highlands with this newer Royal Stewart Tartan mask, this time, a model pleated for total coverage with a built-in wire bridge for your nose to minimize fogging, and a big, horizontal, filter pocket, and, unlike the last model, the vertical and horizontal tartan bands are prominent enough that it doesn’t look like it was just something printed on a red fabric mask as an afterthought. It’s soft, it’s $10 with free shipping (which wound up being less than 48 hours from Placentia to Skokie) and something tells me that when winter comes and we still have to fear COVID (assuming the aftermath of the election in November isn’t bad enough that a death from COVID seems to almost be a relief), this may well end up the perfect mask for then. Nemo me impune lacessit, or as they say in Glasgow, “Dinna fook wi’ Scotland!”