The Ramble from my Intro

[inferno_ink]

I am pasting this excerpt from my intro as it is the reason I’ve come to this forum.

While I am fully accepting in my atheism, I married my wife as a Christian 13 years ago. She is devout but does not know about the change I’ve undergone. So now, my days are full of anxiety as I prepare to tell her. And oddly, while I am fully prepared to lose her, I am not ready to lose my daughters who are 6 and 4. I am currently seeking therapy as I know this is not going to be pretty as nearly my entire family are devout practicing Christians. Having been in therapy previously, I know that part of it is having a support system in place. Obviously I need other like minded individuals in my support system. I found this forum during a late night web binge on being an atheist for the first time.

As you can see, it’s the definition of being between a rock and a hard place. Thanks for hearing me out.

[Sal]

Do you think harm would come to your daughters if you were to reveal your atheism to your wife?

Reason I'm asking is because a couples therapist might resolve possible conflict between the two of you. I don't mean as in a divorce following up with visitation rights or something along those lines, that would seem like an unfortunate outcome, IMO, if you revealing your atheism upsets your wife that results in a divorce.

I mean, are you sure of her reaction would be that negative if you revealed your atheism? What is her opinion of atheists? How devout a believer is she?

A lot of couples don't see eye to eye, and is not the reason they live together necessarily, I suppose.

[The Grand Nudger]

Doesn't have to be that way. I'd wonder the same as Sal, you sure about her reaction? Ostensibly, her opinion of at least one atheist is her opinion of you, for example. Reckon she's not the kind of person that would make that connection?

[inferno_ink]

It’s true that I can’t predict her reaction, unfortunately I tend to be a worst case scenario type of person, hence the therapy. In the case of my daughters, if she remains devout and true to her values, she may move in with her mom in another state. And by devout, I mean she tells me the only man above me is god. I let the word “a**” slip and she questioned if I was Christian or not. So In my mind, pretty devout.

[brewer]

If it were me, and considering you concern about the kids, I think I'd ease my wife into it (or your way out of it) rather than make an all in statement as an atheist and jump right into therapy.

Start off with saying things like "I need to explore, I'm having some doubts and questions, There are things about god/religion that don't feel right any more, ......." and see how that goes, eventually ending up at agnostic/atheist. Don't attend church as much (make excuses as need be), don't get involved in religious discussions, that kind of thing. Maybe she'll be OK with you appearing "christian lite". I'm told these folks are often referred to as the unaffiliated. 

She can't be all that devout if she considers divorce a solution. (google Covenant Keepers) Unfortunately, if push comes to shove, divorce may end up being the best solution for you and the kids. It may be bad, but it's not the end of your/their world. 

Best of luck.

[Sal]

Such acclimation efforts stink invariably of hidden agendas and dishonest tactics. With that said, it might prove a successful strategy of influencing her in acceptance of your atheism at least. Whatever you decide to do for the time to come, be careful with your intentions. It doesn't have to be an All-or-Nothing deal.

[GrandizerII]

I am pasting this excerpt from my intro as it is the reason I’ve come to this forum.

While I am fully accepting in my atheism, I married my wife as a Christian 13 years ago. She is devout but does not know about the change I’ve undergone. So now, my days are full of anxiety as I prepare to tell her. And oddly, while I am fully prepared to lose her, I am not ready to lose my daughters who are 6 and 4. I am currently seeking therapy as I know this is not going to be pretty as nearly my entire family are devout practicing Christians. Having been in therapy previously, I know that part of it is having a support system in place. Obviously I need other like minded individuals in my support system. I found this forum during a late night web binge on being an atheist for the first time.

As you can see, it’s the definition of being between a rock and a hard place. Thanks for hearing me out.

If it's as bad as you reckon it is, do you have to tell her?

[inferno_ink]

I am pasting this excerpt from my intro as it is the reason I’ve come to this forum.

While I am fully accepting in my atheism, I married my wife as a Christian 13 years ago. She is devout but does not know about the change I’ve undergone. So now, my days are full of anxiety as I prepare to tell her. And oddly, while I am fully prepared to lose her, I am not ready to lose my daughters who are 6 and 4. I am currently seeking therapy as I know this is not going to be pretty as nearly my entire family are devout practicing Christians. Having been in therapy previously, I know that part of it is having a support system in place. Obviously I need other like minded individuals in my support system. I found this forum during a late night web binge on being an atheist for the first time.

As you can see, it’s the definition of being between a rock and a hard place. Thanks for hearing me out.

If it's as bad as you reckon it is, do you have to tell her?

Regardless of the outcome, I can’t keep living a lie. It’s taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally.

[Abaddon_ire]

I am pasting this excerpt from my intro as it is the reason I’ve come to this forum.

While I am fully accepting in my atheism, I married my wife as a Christian 13 years ago. She is devout but does not know about the change I’ve undergone. So now, my days are full of anxiety as I prepare to tell her. And oddly, while I am fully prepared to lose her, I am not ready to lose my daughters who are 6 and 4. I am currently seeking therapy as I know this is not going to be pretty as nearly my entire family are devout practicing Christians. Having been in therapy previously, I know that part of it is having a support system in place. Obviously I need other like minded individuals in my support system. I found this forum during a late night web binge on being an atheist for the first time.

As you can see, it’s the definition of being between a rock and a hard place. Thanks for hearing me out.

Been there, done that. Years ago.

Now I am single and have two rabid atheists to deal with.

You will NOT lose your daughters unless there is some other undisclosed reason besides atheism. Hell, now I can't get rid of mine. Pesky kids. 

For a while, post separation/divorce, their mother was dragging them to Sunday mass every week. They finished that lark by bluntly refusing to go anymore. I was roaring with laughter when they told me that. I wish I had been there to see it. 

Bottom line? I know it looks bleak at the outset. Looking back, though, it really isn't. I have a great life, great kids, and none of us have to put up with the hypocritical religious BS anymore. However, your exact circumstances may differ, so I can only offer my experience. It may not match yours.

There are some hilarious upsides by the way.

My eldest became an adult last month. Thus my legal and financial obligations came to an end. Surprisingly, this month I received a demand for 1500 bucks from the ex to be deposited into her account directly. With no uncertain glee I replied thusly...

"Ronan is now an adult with all that entails. If Ronan needs some financial assistance, then Ronan can ask me directly and I will deposit funds in HIS account, not YOURS. Because I know you will simply spend it on yourself given half a chance. So GFYS."

[brewer]

Such acclimation efforts stink invariably of hidden agendas and dishonest tactics. With that said, it might prove a successful strategy of influencing her in acceptance of your atheism at least. Whatever you decide to do for the time to come, be careful with your intentions. It doesn't have to be an All-or-Nothing deal.

She  should get some time to come to terms with his lack of belief. This will make it easier.

I'm positive that it took him some time also.