Jesus The Horse Thief

[Fake Messiah]

Let's discuss the story in the Bible which says how Jesus stole a horse.

Luke 19:29-36 tells us that Jesus told his gang to bring him a horse from a nearby town without being seen, but if they were seen, to inform the owner that they were taking his horse to their boss, a guy who apparently had a gang of 12 mindless "followers", ready to do whatever the "son of God" might require of them that people would simply hand over their loot without a struggle. 

So the gang went to town. As they started to make off with the horse, the owner spots them and comes running out to find out what the hell they think they are doing. 

So, they 'splain to the guy how it's gonna be. I guess you could say they made him an offer he couldn't refuse, and the guy caves and they depart with the guy's horse.

29 As he approached Bethphage and Bethany at the hill called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, 30 “Go to the village ahead of you, and as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. 31 If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ say, ‘The Lord needs it.’”
32 Those who were sent ahead went and found it just as he had told them. 33 As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?”

34 They replied, “The Lord needs it.”
35 They brought it to Jesus, threw their cloaks on the colt and put Jesus on it. 36 As he went along, people spread their cloaks on the road.

[vulcanlogician]

Not familiar with this one. Weird story. I'd put the weirdness level at 8 out of 10. The one where he curses the figs for not being in season is slightly weirder.

So Jesus stole a horse... exhibit A.

But the law is "thou shalt not steal."

[brewer]

JackAss.

[onlinebiker]

It would have saved everyone a lot of grief if he had pulled that shit in Wyoming about 1850 or so.....


Of course all xtians would now wear a noose instead of a cross...

[T.J.]

Didn't he also steal a donkey at one point?

[Astreja]

I like referring to that incident as "Grand Theft Ass and Colt," and bringing it up whenever some believer claims that Jesus was without sin.

[Ferrocyanide]

Let's discuss the story in the Bible which says how Jesus stole a horse.

Luke 19:29-36 tells us that Jesus told his gang to bring him a horse from a nearby town without being seen, but if they were seen, to inform the owner that they were taking his horse to their boss, a guy who apparently had a gang of 12 mindless "followers", ready to do whatever the "son of God" might require of them that people would simply hand over their loot without a struggle. 

So the gang went to town. As they started to make off with the horse, the owner spots them and comes running out to find out what the hell they think they are doing. 

So, they 'splain to the guy how it's gonna be. I guess you could say they made him an offer he couldn't refuse, and the guy caves and they depart with the guy's horse.

29 As he approached Bethphage and Bethany at the hill called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, 30 “Go to the village ahead of you, and as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. 31 If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ say, ‘The Lord needs it.’”
32 Those who were sent ahead went and found it just as he had told them. 33 As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?”

34 They replied, “The Lord needs it.”
35 They brought it to Jesus, threw their cloaks on the colt and put Jesus on it. 36 As he went along, people spread their cloaks on the road.

I asked about that to a christian. He said that Jesus had talked to the owners before and the owners had agreed to give the horse.
I rejected his excuse since no such thing is written in the Bible.
If they had time to write all the none sense and if they had time to write 4 duplicates (Matthew, Luke, Mark, John) (and probably more) of the same story, then at least they could have written that little detail.
They don't even mention the names of the 2 disciples Jesus sent.

So, it sounds like the 12 boys did not sit down together at the table and write down the story, otherwise, the story would likely mention such details instead of sounding screwy.

It is worth having all the copies of the story:

Mark 11:1 KING JAMES VERSION
And when they came nigh to Jerusalem, unto Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount of Olives, he sendeth forth two of his disciples, {11:2} And saith unto them, Go your way into the village over against you: and as soon as ye be entered into it, ye shall find a colt tied, whereon never man sat; loose him, and bring [him. ]{11:3} And if any man say unto you, Why do ye this? say ye that the Lord hath need of him; and straightway he will send him hither. {11:4} And they went their way, and found the colt tied by the door without in a place where two ways met; and they loose him. {11:5} And certain of them that stood there said unto them, What do ye, loosing the colt? {11:6} And they said unto them even as Jesus had commanded: and they let them go. {11:7} And they brought the colt to Jesus, and cast their garments on him; and he sat upon him. {11:8} And many spread their garments in the way: and others cut down branches off the trees, and strawed [them] in the way. {11:9} And they that went before, and they that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna; Blessed [is] he that cometh in the name of the Lord: {11:10} Blessed [be] the kingdom of our father David, that cometh in the name of the Lord: Hosanna in the highest. {11:11} And Jesus entered into Jerusalem, and into the temple: and when he had looked round about upon all things, and now the eventide was come, he went out unto Bethany with the twelve.

Matthew 21:1 KING JAMES VERSION
And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem, and were come to Bethphage, unto the mount of Olives, then sent Jesus two disciples, {21:2} Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose [them,] and bring [them] unto me. {21:3} And if any [man] say ought unto you, ye shall say, The Lord hath need of them; and straightway he will send them. {21:4} All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying, {21:5} Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass. {21:6} And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them, {21:7} And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set [him] thereon. {21:8} And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed [them] in the way. {21:9} And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the Son of David: Blessed [is] he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest. {21:10} And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this? {21:11} And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee.

Luke 19:27 KING JAMES VERSION
But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay [them] before me. {19:28} And when he had thus spoken, he went before, ascending up to Jerusalem. {19:29} And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called [the mount] of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, {19:30} Saying, Go ye into the village over against [you;] in the which at your entering ye shall find a colt tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring [him hither. ]{19:31} And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose [him?] thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him. {19:32} And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them. {19:33} And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt? {19:34} And they said, The Lord hath need of him. {19:35} And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the colt, and they set Jesus thereon. {19:36} And as he went, they spread their clothes in the way. {19:37} And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen; {19:38} Saying, Blessed be the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest.

John 12:12 KING JAMES VERSION
{12:12} On the next day much people that were come to the feast, when they heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem, {12:13} Took branches of palm trees, and went forth to meet him, and cried, Hosanna: Blessed [is] the King of Israel that cometh in the name of the Lord. {12:14} And Jesus, when he had found a young ass, sat thereon; as it is written, {12:15} Fear not, daughter of Sion: behold, thy King cometh, sitting on an ass’s colt. {12:16} These things understood not his disciples at the first: but when Jesus was glorified, then remembered they that these things were written of him, and [that] they had done these things unto him. {12:17} The people therefore that was with him when he called Lazarus out of his grave, and raised him from the dead, bare record. {12:18} For this cause the people also met him, for that they heard that he had done this miracle. {12:19} The Pharisees therefore said among themselves, Perceive ye how ye prevail nothing? behold, the world is gone after him.

Matthew, Mark, Luke are quite similar.
The John version skips the 2 disciples, it skips the untied the colt and talking to owners.

Also, Hosanna is mentioned 2 times in Matthew.
Hosanna is mentioned 2 times in Mark.
Hosanna is mentioned 0 times in Luke.
Hosanna is mentioned 1 times in John.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Since Jesus is God made flesh, I suppose it could be argued that the animal belonged to him in the first place.

Boru

[Belacqua]

"if Jesus Christ is the greatest man, you ought to love him in the greatest degree; now hear how he has given his sanction to the law of ten commandments: did he not mock at the sabbath, and so mock the sabbaths God? murder those who were murderd because of him? turn away the law from the woman taken in adultery? steal the labor of others to support him? bear false witness when he omitted making a defence before Pilate? covet when he pray'd for his disciples, and when he bid them shake off the dust of their feet against such as refused to lodge them? I tell you, no virtue can exist without breaking these ten commandments"

--from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, William Blake

[no one]

Did this horse have a name?
Did it feel good to be out of the rain?