Rejected or not?

[Macoleco]

Yes, she is in her right to say no. I am willing to wait. But speaking honestly is also needed, so I we both know what is going on. I was left with the doubt.
She was the one who said she was going back to her family, I did not ask her for how long which is why I do not know. 

Yes she has the right to decline or welcome further contact, but I also have the right to know the truth.

I feel your response is blaming this on me a little too much. Expected, since I am the man.

Actually no, you don't have the right to know the truth. And yes, you're a man, you should act like one.

Oh the white knight, hello there.

[Ahriman]

Actually no, you don't have the right to know the truth. And yes, you're a man, you should act like one.

Oh the white knight, hello there.

White knight? Are you sure you even know what that means? You need to grow up and take control of your emotions, women do not like men who make a big deal out of stuff like this.

[Ranjr]

Agreeing to a 2nd date meant she was a maybe.  Then you pressed early for the kiss and talked future plans.  Try more patience and a bit of nonchalance.  You could still be a maybe.  Of course you have competition, as should she.  And holding hands isn't childish.  It's a good way to connect.

[Mister Agenda]

Is it my imagination, or is Ahriman making more sense lately?

Macololeco, it's usually bad form to try to nail down the next date on your current date. It's fine once you're in a relationship, but early on, you have the date, enjoy the date, and just say good night if you don't land the kiss. It's supposed to be fun, so you have to be 'in the now'. In a day or two you call to ask her out again, propose a date, and if she says no, tell her you hope you can get together some other time. Try another idea for a date in another couple of days, and if she says no this time, don't call her again, just move on. Maybe she'll call you, maybe she wont'. These things have to develop at their own pace, trying to set plans too early is a turn off.

No one told me these things when I first started dating, and I made similar mistakes.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Simply - If you ask a person if you can do something to them, in this case, kiss them and they decline you have to realize that the question had a yes or no answer as the choices.

On a second date I don't see why someone would feel obligated to answer you barrage of questions regarding where they are going to be for the next couple weeks.

Calm down.  It was a second date not a lifetime commitment.  If you hear from her, fine, if not, also fine.  She has the right to decline further contact or to welcome further contact.

Yes, she is in her right to say no. I am willing to wait. But speaking honestly is also needed, so I we both know what is going on. I was left with the doubt.
She was the one who said she was going back to her family, I did not ask her for how long which is why I do not know. 

Yes she has the right to decline or welcome further contact, but I also have the right to know the truth.

I feel your response is blaming this on me a little too much. Expected, since I am the man.

I too think you overreacted. A second date is still getting-to-know-you time. You've told her how you feel. She'll tell you how she feels, with her actions. Do not wait around. Keep moving.

[Belacqua]

I just dont know what to think. But I just get the feeling I will not see her again. It is just so confusing when everything is going fine, and you end up with a bunch of contradictory statements. Maybe if we were having a bad time or something I could understand, but I dont know.

This is of course a vague explanation since non verbal communication can not be transmitted accurately.

I feel for you here. This is not a fun situation to be in.

One thing to keep in mind, maybe: a kiss is a big deal in Japan. It's practically promising to have sex. (And of course lots of women do have sex in Japan, even on the second date, but you two may have been interpreting the kiss very differently.)

I once made the mistake (very early on) of giving a girl a quick good-night kiss before she got on the bus to go home. Totally normal in many cultures, but given the norms here I might as well have been trying to feel her up in public. 

Not everything has stayed the same since I was courting in Japan 30+ years ago. Judging from what your friend has told you, though, I'd say she genuinely likes you and respects you. She enjoys knowing you and doesn't mind at all hanging out. For whatever reason though, she doesn't want a lover and (as often happens here) feels uncomfortable about saying things straight out. If she thought you were a creep, she wouldn't give excuses, she'd just say "get lost." It's frustrating, since it would probably be less painful if she could be more direct. 

I think they call this "friend-zoned." I remember how painful that can be. 

If it's any consolation, statistics show that more and more Japanese people are choosing not to be in romantic relationships at all. In a sort of cold-hearted cost/benefit analysis, lovers are seen as too much of an investment. 

And I know it's no fun to hear right now, but there are more fish in the sea. I could write a catalog, from personal experience, of the many ways a foreigner can get rejected by Japanese women before he finds the right one. (And now the right one and I have been married over 30 years.)

[*Deidre*]

Sounds like polite rejection and you should assume that she's not interested. Not everyone is super direct, and I think this was her way of telling you that there are a number of reasons that this won't work for her right now.

If a woman is interested in you, you'll know it. She'd procrastinate all other plans to be with you. She wouldn't have made a list of excuses to not be with you.

For your own peace of mind, you should move on. Maybe wish her happy holidays, but if she doesn't reply, just move on.