I was standing there, hands trembling

[frankiej]

I found this rather amusing joke earlier... Enjoy.


I was standing there, hands trembling, my wife due home from work any time now... I reached for my youngest daughter's top - it came off with little resistance.

Her training bra was my next hurdle. Hands still trembling, I gently unclipped it and unable to control my hands I watched it as it fell to the floor.

Her short little skirt was next, I reached out and slid it off. As I ran my hands slowly over her My Little Pony panties I could feel they were already really, really damp...

Anyway, I'd better finish getting the rest of the washing in - it's raining and my Parkinsons isn't making it any easier.

---

So my flatmate has a sister. I'd never met her before; she's 14 and staying for the week during half term.
Last night my flatmate went to bed early and I stayed up playing Xbox. After a while I noticed his sister staring at me.
"Hi." she said nervously and came and sat next to me.
I put down the controller and looked at her. She was mature for her age - relatively tall, nice figure, confident and a pair of tits that wouldn't have looked out of place on a 20 year old.
What I'm trying to say is that she didn't look 14...

---

Which is why I didn't bother raping her.

---

---

And another good one.........

Today, I found out that, thanks to a rare bone disease, my 6 year old daughter has only four weeks to live. I decided to read the paper to take my mind off it and discovered a suicide bomber in Baghdad has killed 30 people in a market place.

I cast aside the paper and walk to my daughter's bedroom. I stand in the doorway, watching her sleep, thinking how cruel this world can be. Barely 6 years old and soon to be in heaven. My mind was cast back to the suicide bomber, on his way there and eager to meet the virgins that wait for him. I gently closed the bedroom door, took out my cock and moved towards my innocent child.

Fuck you, Mohammed. This is one virgin you won't be getting your hands on.

[zip_ster]

WTF??

[JollyForr]

Mother Mary of God! I don't know what to say, except, I recommend Frankie Boyle.

[leo-rcc]

You know your girlfriend is too young if you have to make choochoo train noises to get your dick in her mouth.

[Cinjin]

disturbing.

[frankiej]

Mother Mary of God! I don't know what to say, except, I recommend Frankie Boyle.

I like that you recommend Frankie Boyle to a Scotsman... He is hilarious. Although, I think Darwinian thinks otherwise... Am I right in thinking that is who hates Frankie Boyle?

[Doubting Thomas]

Oh man, these are bad. But since we're getting into disgusting pedophile jokes...

What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?

Getting the diaper back on.


Oh and a friend of mine used to tell me this one:

My girlfriend said to me, "I know what kind of person you are. You're a pedophile."
I said, "That's an awful big word for an 8 year old."


That first joke reminds me of this one:

My wife came home from work and said, "Honey, take off my blouse," and I did.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." And I did.
Then she said, "Take off my bra & panties." And I did.
Then she said, "And if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're sleeping on the couch."

[Kayenneh]

DT, the first one made me go "GAH!"

[frankiej]

Didn't help myself in court yesterday.

I was arrested for child porn charges and the Judge said, "How does 5-6 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy"

[Violet]

These are horrible



But I love them. Keep them coming