Another raaaaaaaaaape!!!

[Chad32]

getting run over by a car is a horrible thing, but if you were playing in the street when it happened it's a little bit your fault. Context is important.

Horrible comparison. Getting hit by a car happens on accident, rape does not.

Neither does stepping into the shower with a guy, and kissing him.

[GrandizerII]

I disagree with this entirely. 

A woman would have every right to "be upset" about a man not stopping when she wanted him to.

It's not quite the easiest thing to just stop when you're drunk, horny, and in the middle of something. Like I said, what he did was wrong, but you shoudln't start something unless you plan to finish. don't pull a gun unless you plan to shoot. Hormones are a powerful thing. That's why sex is such a basic part of life. It's wrong, but when you're jacked up on chemicals you're nt really in your right mind at the moment. The best time to say no is in the beginning. Not in the middle. Given that they were naked in the shower, and kissing, I'd say the beginning had come and gone.

He deserves jail. She deserves a lecture so this doesn't happen again.

Lecturing someone when they're already down does sound a bit harsh, don't you think? I mean, how exactly would I lecture someone who just got raped so that she doesn't get raped again? It seems no matter how I put it, it's just going to harm her and reinforce the thought that perhaps she was partly to blame for the rape even if I don't mean it that way.

[Catholic_Lady]

Horrible comparison. Getting hit by a car happens on accident, rape does not.

Neither does stepping into the shower with a guy, and kissing him.

Agreed. But what exactly are you trying to say here?

Your comparison was:

Playing in the street can lead to getting hit by a car.

Kissing/showering with a drunk can lead to rape. 

...I don't think this is a fair comparison because it insinuates that rape is just as much an accident as getting hit by a car is. A person who rapes did so by choice. The same cannot be said for a driver who accidentally hits someone being reckless in the middle of the street.

[Chad32]

I'm just trying to say that if you don't want to have sex, don't do anything sexual. don't make out. Don't feel each other up. I know it's fun to experiment, but being hopped up on hormones is as bad as being hopped up on any other intoxicant. It keeps people from thinking straight. You can put him in jail, but if all you're going to do is give her a hug and hope it doesn't happen again, you're not really taking preventative measures. And since apparently this has happened before, it seems like she needs to be taught something about how to keep it from happening again.

[Lemonvariable72]

Really doesnt matter if she -is- that "kind of person".  When the girl says no you let her go.

That's what he is hitting around. Some people think that if said yes in the moment and then decide that you didn't want it after you had sex then that is also rape.I have no concrete evidence but I do think that in the case of this story a heavey dose of skepticism is justified.

[*Deidre*]

The important thing that sometimes gets lost in these discussions, and news stories is that even though she ''voluntarily'' went into the shower with the guy, I'd like to believe that most guys (guys I know at least and on this site, for example) would not have raped her. The supposition that well, she shouldn't have been there in the first place, places an unfair mark on men in general, that if given the opportunity 'most' men would commit rape, and that is also a grossly erroneous view to take. People always have options, and when in doubt, do the right thing. She should have been more prudent, most definitely, but her lack of prudence, doesn't give someone the license to commit a crime.

[Jello]

You decided to get intimate with a drunk person, and are upset that he didn't stop at the point you wanted to stop. Now I know what he did was wrong, but what she did was also wrong. Rape is not ok, but you should also not put yourself in that kind of position if you aren't planning to go all the way. If you don't want to have sex, don't get naked and start kissing someone. especially someone who is drunk.

I disagree with this entirely. 

A woman would have every right to "be upset" about a man not stopping when she wanted him to.

I hope you also believe that a man should have every right should the roles be reversed.



Back onto the actual case at hand, yup, he's a rapist, and yup, someone should really tell her that risk mitigation is a thing.

[Edwardo Piet]

Horrible comparison. Getting hit by a car happens on accident, rape does not.

Neither does stepping into the shower with a guy, and kissing him.

Point is you can change your mind even halfway through sex and ask the guy to stop, and whether he's drunk or not or you're stupid for having sex with him or not, if he doesn't stop it's rape. And the rapist is to blame, not the victim.

[GrandizerII]

I'm just trying to say that if you don't want to have sex, don't do anything sexual. don't make out. Don't feel each other up. I know it's fun to experiment, but being hopped up on hormones is as bad as being hopped up on any other intoxicant. It keeps people from thinking straight. You can put him in jail, but if all you're going to do is give her a hug and hope it doesn't happen again, you're not really taking preventative measures. And since apparently this has happened before, it seems like she needs to be taught something about how to keep it from happening again.

You can take preventative measures without having to resort to lecturing. For me, lecturing means pretty much rebuking the person rather than showing understanding and support. If that's not what you meant, then we agree.

[Jello]

I'm just trying to say that if you don't want to have sex, don't do anything sexual. don't make out. Don't feel each other up. I know it's fun to experiment, but being hopped up on hormones is as bad as being hopped up on any other intoxicant. It keeps people from thinking straight. You can put him in jail, but if all you're going to do is give her a hug and hope it doesn't happen again, you're not really taking preventative measures. And since apparently this has happened before, it seems like she needs to be taught something about how to keep it from happening again.

You can take preventative measures without having to resort to lecturing. For me, lecturing means pretty much rebuking the person rather than showing understanding and support. If that's not what you meant, then we agree.

Aye. Don't blame them, definitely. Support them, but show them that there are ways of making sure it doesn't happen again, such as avoiding such situations.