(January 10, 2016 at 1:41 pm)Chad32 Wrote: You decided to get intimate with a drunk person, and are upset that he didn't stop at the point you wanted to stop. Now I know what he did was wrong, but what she did was also wrong. Rape is not ok, but you should also not put yourself in that kind of position if you aren't planning to go all the way. If you don't want to have sex, don't get naked and start kissing someone. especially someone who is drunk.

I disagree with this entirely. 

A woman would have every right to "be upset" about a man not stopping when she wanted him to.

(January 10, 2016 at 1:41 pm)Chad32 Wrote: getting run over by a car is a horrible thing, but if you were playing in the street when it happened it's a little bit your fault. Context is important.

Horrible comparison. Getting hit by a car happens on accident, rape does not.

(January 10, 2016 at 1:43 pm)Aegon Wrote:

(January 10, 2016 at 1:35 pm)Mermaid Wrote: Out of context? Was it? You said in black and white that showering with someone is the definition of "asking for it". Am I wrong? I have no intention of framing anyone in an incorrect light.

I said,

"She's right, but also incredibly dumb. Yes, if she didn't want to have sex with him and she says that and he still does it, that's rape and that's awful. But kissing a drunk guy while you're both naked in the shower? That's sort of the definition of "asking for it." I am not excusing the rapist's actions with that phrase. It's still rape and it's still horrible. But if I walked through the South Bronx with a sign on that says "I HATE N_____S AND SPICS" and I got stabbed to death, I'd say I was "asking for it." Doesn't mean the murder was justified. But what did I expect when I put myself in such a situation?"

Rape is never okay, that much should be obvious. The "rape culture" puts the blame almost solely on the woman in many cases, as if drunk men shouldn't be expected to control their urges. I'm not perpetuating that. I'm saying that there are certainly situations that a woman could put herself in that would make rape much more likely. Some people would say an example of that is wearing a skimpy outfit to the bar. I am not saying that. But getting in the shower naked with a drunk guy she didn't know well? It's just an awful decision. If this is the ninth time she's been sexually assaulted, one would think she'd take particular precautions and would never make this sort of decision. Again, it's like walking into a poor, predominantly minority neighborhood wearing a sign that says "I HATE _____" It's dumb as hell and can't lead anywhere good. If I got murered for it, that doesn't make the murder okay. The murderer's attorney can't use "He was asking for it" as a defense. But should some of the blame go on me?

I do agree with this.

(January 10, 2016 at 1:59 pm)KevinM1 Wrote:

(January 10, 2016 at 1:43 pm)Aegon Wrote: I said,

"She's right, but also incredibly dumb. Yes, if she didn't want to have sex with him and she says that and he still does it, that's rape and that's awful. But kissing a drunk guy while you're both naked in the shower? That's sort of the definition of "asking for it." I am not excusing the rapist's actions with that phrase. It's still rape and it's still horrible. But if I walked through the South Bronx with a sign on that says "I HATE N_____S AND SPICS" and I got stabbed to death, I'd say I was "asking for it." Doesn't mean the murder was justified. But what did I expect when I put myself in such a situation?"

Rape is never okay, that much should be obvious. The "rape culture" puts the blame almost solely on the woman in many cases, as if drunk men shouldn't be expected to control their urges. I'm not perpetuating that. I'm saying that there are certainly situations that a woman could put herself in that would make rape much more likely. Some people would say an example of that is wearing a skimpy outfit to the bar. I am not saying that. But getting in the shower naked with a drunk guy she didn't know well? It's just an awful decision. If this is the ninth time she's been sexually assaulted, one would think she'd take particular precautions and would never make this sort of decision. Again, it's like walking into a poor, predominantly minority neighborhood wearing a sign that says "I HATE _____" It's dumb as hell and can't lead anywhere good. If I got murered for it, that doesn't make the murder okay. The murderer's attorney can't use "He was asking for it" as a defense. But should some of the blame go on me?

This.

Rape is always, always the fault of the rapist.  Period.  Full stop.

However, she and a lot of people need to be a hell of a lot smarter about recognizing and mitigating risk.  Getting into a shower with a drunk stranger and kissing them is an incredibly risky string of behavior.  And while it doesn't justify her rape, nor make it inevitable, it most certainly increases the likelihood of it happening.

Ultimately, if you bumble through life thinking everyone else shares your values and/or ability to restrain themselves from doing heinous things, eventually you're going to get hurt.  Situational awareness is a vital survival skill.

Yes^

Really don't want this to sound like victim blaming because I don't blame victims at all, rape is 100% the rapists fault.
This story though just sounds, Very suspicious. Between the whole story, of taking a drunknguy into the shower with her, kissing her then him raping here, then posting on Instagram while getting the rape kit done, I can't help but feel like this a cry for attention.

She's a moron, he's a rapist.

(January 10, 2016 at 6:16 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote:

(January 10, 2016 at 1:41 pm)Chad32 Wrote: You decided to get intimate with a drunk person, and are upset that he didn't stop at the point you wanted to stop. Now I know what he did was wrong, but what she did was also wrong. Rape is not ok, but you should also not put yourself in that kind of position if you aren't planning to go all the way. If you don't want to have sex, don't get naked and start kissing someone. especially someone who is drunk.

I disagree with this entirely. 

A woman would have every right to "be upset" about a man not stopping when she wanted him to.

It's not quite the easiest thing to just stop when you're drunk, horny, and in the middle of something. Like I said, what he did was wrong, but you shoudln't start something unless you plan to finish. don't pull a gun unless you plan to shoot. Hormones are a powerful thing. That's why sex is such a basic part of life. It's wrong, but when you're jacked up on chemicals you're nt really in your right mind at the moment. The best time to say no is in the beginning. Not in the middle. Given that they were naked in the shower, and kissing, I'd say the beginning had come and gone.

He deserves jail. She deserves a lecture so this doesn't happen again.

(January 10, 2016 at 6:33 pm)Lemonvariable72 Wrote: Really don't want this to sound like victim blaming because I don't blame victims at all, rape is 100% the rapists fault.
This story though just sounds, Very suspicious. Between the whole story, of taking a drunknguy into the shower with her, kissing her then him raping here, then posting on Instagram while getting the rape kit done, I can't help but feel like this a cry for attention.

I'm getting similar feelings aswell, but I have no concrete evidence.  It just seems so odd a woman who is an activist against rape, so she goes to the rape capital of the world.  She has been raped previously and I'm assuming has done some research on the subject in her spare time.

Just one more thing that caused alarm bells to ring, but again it's not concrete evidence.

In one of the pictures you can see her posing with one of her chalk pieces of artwork.

It says "Consent is...........Enthusiastic, Specific, Legal, Sober, Ongoing, Informed."

So it really makes me wonder if she is one of those people who thinks that if a guy lied about how much he earns to get her into bed then she regrets it then it's rape.  Or if a person doesn't continually say throughout intercourse "Yes you have permission to have sex with me vaginally" then it's rape.  Or if two people drink before sex they're raping each other.

Her stood next to that chalk writing proves nothing obviously but I've just heard of people like that, who shout rape at any sort of opportunity.

At the moment there's actually no proof of anything, if she was raped, wasn't raped or what her actual beliefs towards rape are, these are just my spider senses tingling and they have been wrong before.

Really doesnt matter if she -is- that "kind of person".  When the girl says no you let her go.

(January 10, 2016 at 6:42 pm)Chad32 Wrote:

(January 10, 2016 at 6:16 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I disagree with this entirely. 

A woman would have every right to "be upset" about a man not stopping when she wanted him to.

It's not quite the easiest thing to just stop when you're drunk, horny, and in the middle of something. Like I said, what he did was wrong, but you shoudln't start something unless you plan to finish. don't pull a gun unless you plan to shoot. Hormones are a powerful thing. That's why sex is such a basic part of life. It's wrong, but when you're jacked up on chemicals you're nt really in your right mind at the moment. The best time to say no is in the beginning. Not in the middle. Given that they were naked in the shower, and kissing, I'd say the beginning had come and gone.

He deserves jail. She deserves a lecture so this doesn't happen again.

I agree she deserves a lecture, but she also deserves the right to be upset.