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RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 5:02 pm
(August 5, 2015 at 4:29 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote:
(August 5, 2015 at 4:23 pm)Whateverist the White Wrote: But don't you lose tread?
Does your penis have treads? That's interesting.
How else is it supposed to traverse uneven terrain?
Regarding the point you've been making these last few posts, for a second there I was about to disagree with you on certain aspects of it, before I realized the issue was with me, not with what you're saying. When it comes to sex things my mind is so open it's basically a flat plain upon which almost anything can happen, so at first I was just like "wait, why not just do the BDSM anyway, even if they're not into it, if it makes their partner happy?" because even if it's not a kink I personally have (not that BDSM isn't my kink because it totally is ) I can still appreciate it on an anthropological level just by seeing what, specifically, about it turns on my partner. Even if I can find no arousing part of the act, it still has appeal as a curio, like fine art.
But not everyone is like me, in that respect, and I got that way through a pretty weird sexually formative period in my life. I can pretty much learn kinks, while other people can be stuck in theirs. With that in mind, I still can't imagine going into a sexual relationship with someone completely blind; even with my variable tastes I need to know what I'm getting into. Luckie and I had sex within like half an hour of being in the same physical space as one another, and that was great, but if it hadn't been then that would have been extremely useful information to have, and in either case it came on the back of countless long distance sexy times and extremely thorough accounts of where we were at, sexually. I can't imagine our first time in that hotel room going anywhere near as smoothly if I hadn't come in equipped with the knowledge of what turns her on and what doesn't.
Here's a hint: it's choking.
"YOU take the hard look in the mirror. You are everything that is wrong with this world. The only thing important to you, is you." - ronedee
Want to see more of my writing? Check out my (safe for work!) site, Unprotected Sects!
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 5:39 pm
(August 5, 2015 at 4:33 pm)Parkers Tan Wrote:
(August 5, 2015 at 3:43 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: Now, if sex is important to you, why would it not make a difference if the sex is bad? Working on it may or may not improve it, so it may be that the bad sex is all you would ever get in such a case.
Are you saying that you care about sex, but do not care if it is bad?
It's not a matter of not caring about the quality of the sex. It's about not making it a relationship-killer. Working on it can and does work, and there's no reason to not go that route first if you truly love her, right?
It's a subtle point, but it's valid, I think. When I love a woman, we talk about what does and doesn't work in the bedroom so that both of us may enjoy it. If after time she shows no desire to accommodate my desires as I try to accommodate hers, then sure, there will be problems. But in that case the problem is not only sexual, for me; it's about being in an unequal partnership, where one partner's wishes get more attention than the other's.
This. If I'm willing to leave and not marry the man I love because sex hadn't been amazing initially, then how can I promise him to be by his side in sickness and in health if he gets paralyzed and unable to have sex after we are married?
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly."
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 5:41 pm
Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
I'm not always wanting to fist a man, but when I am, it's probably for everyone's best long term interest if the man in question is aware of that prior to my greasing up my arm . . .
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 5:44 pm
(August 5, 2015 at 3:57 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote:
(August 5, 2015 at 3:43 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: Here is your post:
Now, if sex is important to you, why would it not make a difference if the sex is bad? Working on it may or may not improve it, so it may be that the bad sex is all you would ever get in such a case.
Are you saying that you care about sex, but do not care if it is bad?
Let us imagine a situation that, happily, is contrary to what has actually happened. Suppose you had decided to try him out first. Suppose he was totally inept and terrible at sex. Suppose that practice did not make perfect, and he was always horrible, no matter what either of you tried. Now, would you want to be married to him anyway? If yes, then obviously good sex is not that important to you, as you would never have good sex with him. If no, then it would make a difference, contrary to what you claim about it not making a difference.
(My bold. Answers below.)
1. I don't think being naked with/on someone I love as much as I love Brian could ever be "bad."
2. If it wasn't fireworks, or I didn't orgasm, we would still have the rest of our lives to work on it... and since I know he loves me and wants nothing more than to please me and make me happy, I know that he would continue to do everything he could to improve for me.
3. Yes, I like sex and it is important to me. But I love my husband more than I love sex. If he got into a bad accident, got paralyzed, and was physically unable to perform ever again, I would still not leave him.
That is why I would not have dumped my husband if our initial sexual encounters pre engagement were not great. Not because "I don't care about sex."
Hope that clears it up!
Yes, it does. Thank you.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 6:21 pm
(August 5, 2015 at 5:39 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: This. If I'm willing to leave and not marry the man I love because sex hadn't been amazing initially, then how can I promise him to be by his side in sickness and in health if he gets paralyzed and unable to have sex after we are married?
Here's the thing: sexual compatibility is kind of a big part of a relationship as it's growing to the point that you'd actually want to stick by him through paralysis.
I hope that doesn't sound dismissive of your point because I'm not trying to be; actually what you're saying is very relevant to my own life, as my wife is sick and often physically can't have sex for extended periods of time. What I'm saying is that you have the order of things a little backwards, in that sexual compatibility informs the relationship, it's not an appendage of it. It's one of a collection of factors that should go into the decision to spend your life with a person.
"YOU take the hard look in the mirror. You are everything that is wrong with this world. The only thing important to you, is you." - ronedee
Want to see more of my writing? Check out my (safe for work!) site, Unprotected Sects!
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 6:33 pm
(August 5, 2015 at 6:21 pm)Esquilax Wrote:
(August 5, 2015 at 5:39 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: This. If I'm willing to leave and not marry the man I love because sex hadn't been amazing initially, then how can I promise him to be by his side in sickness and in health if he gets paralyzed and unable to have sex after we are married?
Here's the thing: sexual compatibility is kind of a big part of a relationship as it's growing to the point that you'd actually want to stick by him through paralysis.
I hope that doesn't sound dismissive of your point because I'm not trying to be; actually what you're saying is very relevant to my own life, as my wife is sick and often physically can't have sex for extended periods of time. What I'm saying is that you have the order of things a little backwards, in that sexual compatibility informs the relationship, it's not an appendage of it. It's one of a collection of factors that should go into the decision to spend your life with a person.
Well it is possible to love someone very much without having had sex with them though. If I love someone very very much, to the point where I am about to commit myself and my life to him, and we decided to have sex right before we got engaged, I wouldn't leave him if the sex wasn't great (especially since such a thing can be improved, but that's another point) . I already love him at that point. Likewise, I wouldn't leave my husband if he, for whatever reason, was unable to have sex anymore. I don't really see the difference between the 2 scenarios.
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly."
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 6:59 pm
To be entirely honest, it does matter to me. Not in the sense of numbers I actually prefer a girl that has had enough men to know what she wants. What I am concerned about are : STDs, crazy people she slept with, and fidelity. The other 2 points are well covered by everyone else, so I just want to say that the last place you wonna be is the position of dude that fucked the girl crazy man thought he was dating.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 8:57 pm
(August 5, 2015 at 5:39 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: This. If I'm willing to leave and not marry the man I love because sex hadn't been amazing initially, then how can I promise him to be by his side in sickness and in health if he gets paralyzed and unable to have sex after we are married?
Agreed. Marriage is a sacred union, not a socially approved opportunity to have sex.
RE: Do you care about your significant other's sexual past?
August 5, 2015 at 9:05 pm
"not a socially approved opportunity to have sex"?
What part of "sex is only for married couples" is NOT socially approved opportunity to have sex? It's the ONLY sex the Bible does approve.
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane"- sarcasm_only
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable."- Maryam Namazie
) I can still appreciate it on an anthropological level just by seeing what, specifically, about it turns on my partner. Even if I can find no arousing part of the act, it still has appeal as a curio, like fine art. 
