Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Thumpalumpacus]

I can't be around here anymore.

Not sure what's going on with you, but feel free to put it in a PM if you need to talk.

[Cyberman]

I'm just really sick and tired of being on my own.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm just really sick and tired of being on my own.

I hear you. I went through a ten-year slog of being essentially alone, some dating but no meaningful love, and it's rough when people cannot or do not see the great points that you, like all of us, have.

If I may speak plainly, one thing I have seen in your posting is what strikes me as a stilted perspective of yourself -- in modern parlance, low self-esteem. I can't say I understand it, because when I read your posts here I see someone who is witty, wise, sometimes acerbic but always on-point, sharp as a tack. I don't know that I have many or any useful ideas how to address what I see as a problem, but I do know that when I've felt down on myself like that, it radiates outwards to others, and gives them perhaps a certain sense of reticence. But if that is indeed an issue, and if you might find a way to address it, it seems to me that your possibilities might open up a little.

Confidence, and insecurity, are both contagious; and often they are both self-reinforcing. People cotton to the former and avoid the latter, which each strengthens the respective feelings you're feeling.

If that is the case, can you think of ways to break that self-fulfilling prophecy?

[Jackalope]

CIJS I'm not the greatest at meeting people or relationships, but the above sounds like pretty sound advice to me.

[KevinM1]

Oh, for fuck's sake....

ExhaustivePuke, we don't hate you because Losty somehow played 31-dimensional chess and pulled our strings in some nefarious plot.  We hate you because you're an egotistical, thin skinned shit stain who couldn't even bother to maintain even the appearance of civility most of the time.  I mean, for fuck's sake, one of your first defining moments here was you freaking out about the very existence of forum moderators here, before they had any cause to turn their sights on you.

Whether or not you dated Losty doesn't matter.  And if you weren't such a needy little twat, you wouldn't try to get revenge by attempting to make her look bad.  It only reinforces your reputation of being, in all respects, a child.  And, given your reputation, no one actually believes a word you write, so you're doubly embarrassing yourself.  No, wait, make it triple since you keep making socks to do it.

Ultimately, you may have a kind of base cunning, but you're an abject idiot where it counts.  You're not half as smart as you think you are, and displays like this only prove it.  But, please, continue demonstrating to the world that you're a fool.  It entertains me.

[Longhorn]

If I may speak plainly, one thing I have seen in your posting is what strikes me as a stilted perspective of yourself -- in modern parlance, low self-esteem. I can't say I understand it, because when I read your posts here I see someone who is witty, wise, sometimes acerbic but always on-point, sharp as a tack. I don't know that I have many or any useful ideas how to address what I see as a problem, but I do know that when I've felt down on myself like that, it radiates outwards to others, and gives them perhaps a certain sense of reticence. But if that is indeed an issue, and if you might find a way to address it, it seems to me that your possibilities might open up a little.

Confidence, and insecurity, are both contagious; and often they are both self-reinforcing. People cotton to the former and avoid the latter, which each strengthens the respective feelings you're feeling.

This, all of it. Extremely well put.

I have first hand experience of this. Paradoxically, both in friendship and in love, you have to work on yourself first and be whole, instead of devoting yourself to searching for someone. Whatever issues you have with yourself will manifest in the relationship, and however you view yourself is the air you give off to new people.

I'm not very good at words. But I wish you all the best, Stim. FWIW. It hurts to read this.

[Edwardo Piet]

I'm just really sick and tired of being on my own.

I'm having to learn to get used to it. I kid myself if I ever think I'm going to get anything but disappointment, rejection and failure.

---

I hear you. I went through a ten-year slog of being essentially alone, some dating but no meaningful love, and it's rough when people cannot or do not see the great

I've never even had one date in my life. But then... who the hell would want to date me? It's not that there's anything wrong with me, I'm starting to learn, it's that there isn't really a match out there for me. I'm just too weird. And this "uniqueness" of mine is perhaps not such a good thing after all.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I reckon that much of my difficulties finding a partner in those "years in the wilderness" was a matter of my inability to accept women who, while not exactly what I was looking for, were damned good catches. In other words, on my part I was letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

---

I hear you. I went through a ten-year slog of being essentially alone, some dating but no meaningful love, and it's rough when people cannot or do not see the great

I've never even had one date in my life. But then... who the hell would want to date me? It's not that there's anything wrong with me, I'm starting to learn, it's that there isn't really a match out there for me. I'm just too weird. And this "uniqueness" of mine is perhaps not such a good thing after all.

I can understand this.  Regarding romance, I've had some opportunities, but I did not make the most of them. I think that a big part of this result was my mindset that I was too weird or unusual for any woman to be interested in .  Interestingly enough, the women who were interested in me didn't think that I was weird or unusual at all; however, my insistence on projecting my mindset onto them caused their interest to dissipate.   

With that said, I appreciate your post.  However, if an opportunity does present itself to you, please don't immediately start writing yourself off as I did.  IMO, developing the flexibility to expand  beyond one's preconceived self-image/limitations  is one of the hardest yet rewarding endeavors that an individual can undertake.

[Longhorn]

I reckon that much of my difficulties finding a partner in those "years in the wilderness" was a matter of my inability to accept women who, while not exactly what I was looking for, were damned good catches. In other words, on my part I was letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Not entirely related, but there is also this relationship between a person's insecurity and judgement. The lower their self esteem, the more prejudiced and judgemental they are of others. Admittedly also first hand experience.

...which is a nice little segue into this:

CIJS... I didn't appreciate you.

I've called you crazy. I've looked down on you. I judged you. I felt better than you. I hated you for a while, too. And while obviously, just like any other human, you have your flaws, you're actually a fantastic friend. You've always been there for me when I needed it. You always listened. You always supported me in everything. You never once complained even when I would be venting about the same asshole for an hour. You made me laugh when I was sad about it. You hate people who hurt me more than I do. You never ignore me, you're always down to meet and talk. I was too caught up in all of the things happening in my head to see that, but now I do. So, CIJS, I really appreciate you being my friend.