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Sorry I read this thread from newest first so I missed joods comment when I replied.
Joods depression can do things to you that you would have never thought possible. You didn't "let" this happen, you didn't say fuck it I don't care, you were hurting and it just happened. You didn't do anything wrong you are human. I agree with CL in that you are taking the right steps to help yourself and that's all that matters.
“What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of what it's supposed to be.”
Also if your signature makes my scrolling mess up "you're tacky and I hate you."
January 23, 2018 at 12:44 pm (This post was last modified: January 23, 2018 at 12:44 pm by Joods.)
Thank you. I just feel so sad over this. Today - with what I made for lunch - a lot of people wouldn't think that 3 ounces of chicken is a lot of food and on its own, it isn't. But if I add two ounces of shredded low fat cheese, by weight, fills up a six ounce bowl, by looks. So it's a lot more than I care to eat. But I have a portion size thing I have to go by and this is what makes it difficult. Where does five ounces of sugar-free jello fall in this? It's neither a protein, a fruit, a veggie, a whole grain or a healthy fat.
I'm allowed:
7 servings of protein. 1 oz = 1 serving.
3 servings of dairy. They give examples that go from 1 cup of skim milk (yuck) to 1 ounce of fat free cheese.
2 servings of fruits. A serving is the size of a tennis ball.
2 servings of veggies. 1/2 cup cooked is a serving. 1 cup raw is a serving.
3 servings of whole grains. I don't eat bread. I'm not a fan of it. This one's gonna be challenging.
2 servings of healthy fats. 1/8 avocado is a serving. Who only eats a sliver of an avocado?
I need help.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
(January 23, 2018 at 12:30 pm)Joods Wrote: The weight loss clinic wants me to eat three meals a day, based around a 1200 cal. per day diet. I don't know how to accomplish this because I have way too many questions about it that they didn't have time to answer.
Joods, as I said last night, I’m proud of you for your initiative. You go, girl. We’re here for you.
CIJS
Perhaps I’m a selfish creep. Maybe I’m looking for a shelf doll. When I’m surrounded by people, I can enjoy them for a while, but then I feel like the timer’s up and I want them, need them to disappear. I get in my car and drive away feeling relieved that I no longer have to be around people. I lay in my bed and soak in the silence. I make love to it.
A few days go by. Suddenly silence feels empty of sounds that could be nice. I drink my coffee and I wish I could talk politics with another human. I go for a jog and I’m being followed. Thoughts of loneliness make drying my beer glass a struggle. They follow me. I pick up a friend and we go out for dinner. We laugh and we talk and it’s all fine. Just fine.
I picture a shelf. I put the dolls back and walk away closing the door behind me. I come back when I’m feeling lonely and walk away when I’m missing solitude.
Remember when I had feelings for her? Remember when I felt like I could do anything? She was going to see a side of me that nobody knew. Until she didn’t. I didn’t even get to try and stop her. She was gone and I couldn’t make her stay. I was so close to knowing. I felt human. Even the pain felt warm and I let it move around inside me. I still remember. Do you remember? I think it was a Wednesday? I had the kids. I couldn’t go.
Back to square one. Compartmentalizations of feelings and thoughts are like sábila. Deep connections, superficial connections, down to fuck, friendship love, mind fucks, picking brains, shelf compartments. It’s easy to have control of space and time.
Driving down a street to one of my favorite bars. I’m about to pull into the parking lot. There are no empty spaces. Nobody next to me tells me to just try and see if there are spaces. I didn’t have to argue that I can tell from here. Nobody had to insist. I just drove away to park on the back. Easy. I then walk inside. Nobody told me to get us a table. I walk straight up to the bar. After the first beer, I realize I don’t want a second. Nobody ordered a second round and I didn’t have to feel forced to drink it. I just pay my tab. Walk back to my car. I’m smiling. I’m my best date.
But then... a song comes up. I remember what it felt like to melt inside. I remember what it felt like when the compartments fell apart and I forgot where everything went. I remember crying when I read that text. I remember when it wasn’t beautiful solitude, it was unexplainable loneliness. But... I thought I’d tell you face to face what that hug did to my legs. I thought I’d have the chance. That feeling, I remember.
If you ever came to visit, you’d probably look at my new compartmentalization habits and tell me they’re in poor taste. You’d probably look at them and tell me... you need the cure.
I’m an IPA drinker, stouts close second, and cat lady brain digger with compartmentilization issues. Perhaps I’m selfish, too. Perhaps my dolls are réplicas of my brain’s compartments. Perhaps I’m a doll on somebody else’s shelf. All I know is that I’ve been driving around for hours and months and I still haven’t found what makes a song tick off a timer.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
(January 23, 2018 at 12:30 pm)Joods Wrote: The weight loss clinic wants me to eat three meals a day, based around a 1200 cal. per day diet. I don't know how to accomplish this because I have way too many questions about it that they didn't have time to answer.
What are your questions? I believe we have a nutritionist here at AF.
Good site, but if you notice my previous post, I'm only allowed x number of servings per protein, fruit, veggie etc. I can't have more than two servings of fruit. As per the dietitian at the weight loss clinic, 1/2 of a banana is equal to one serving of fruit. So looking at the website's suggestion for day 1 calls for a serving of fruit juice, an orange, a banana, and a piece of fruit. That already puts me at five servings of fruit - three over what I'm allowed. Also, day one there are no proteins listed. I am required to eat 7 servings (7 ounces, divided) of protein per day.
This is why this is so hard. It's easy to find 1200 calories in stuff. Not so easy to follow the serving requirements by the doctor and the clinic.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
(January 23, 2018 at 2:11 pm)J a c k Wrote: Joods, as I said last night, I’m proud of you for your initiative. You go, girl. We’re here for you.
CIJS
Perhaps I’m a selfish creep. Maybe I’m looking for a shelf doll. When I’m surrounded by people, I can enjoy them for a while, but then I feel like the timer’s up and I want them, need them to disappear. I get in my car and drive away feeling relieved that I no longer have to be around people. I lay in my bed and soak in the silence. I make love to it.
A few days go by. Suddenly silence feels empty of sounds that could be nice. I drink my coffee and I wish I could talk politics with another human. I go for a jog and I’m being followed. Thoughts of loneliness make drying my beer glass a struggle. They follow me. I pick up a friend and we go out for dinner. We laugh and we talk and it’s all fine. Just fine.
I picture a shelf. I put the dolls back and walk away closing the door behind me. I come back when I’m feeling lonely and walk away when I’m missing solitude.
Remember when I had feelings for her? Remember when I felt like I could do anything? She was going to see a side of me that nobody knew. Until she didn’t. I didn’t even get to try and stop her. She was gone and I couldn’t make her stay. I was so close to knowing. I felt human. Even the pain felt warm and I let it move around inside me. I still remember. Do you remember? I think it was a Wednesday? I had the kids. I couldn’t go.
Back to square one. Compartmentalizations of feelings and thoughts are like sábila. Deep connections, superficial connections, down to fuck, friendship love, mind fucks, picking brains, shelf compartments. It’s easy to have control of space and time.
Driving down a street to one of my favorite bars. I’m about to pull into the parking lot. There are no empty spaces. Nobody next to me tells me to just try and see if there are spaces. I didn’t have to argue that I can tell from here. Nobody had to insist. I just drove away to park on the back. Easy. I then walk inside. Nobody told me to get us a table. I walk straight up to the bar. After the first beer, I realize I don’t want a second. Nobody ordered a second round and I didn’t have to feel forced to drink it. I just pay my tab. Walk back to my car. I’m smiling. I’m my best date.
But then... a song comes up. I remember what it felt like to melt inside. I remember what it felt like when the compartments fell apart and I forgot where everything went. I remember crying when I read that text. I remember when it wasn’t beautiful solitude, it was unexplainable loneliness. But... I thought I’d tell you face to face what that hug did to my legs. I thought I’d have the chance. That feeling, I remember.
If you ever came to visit, you’d probably look at my new compartmentalization habits and tell me they’re in poor taste. You’d probably look at them and tell me... you need the cure.
I’m an IPA drinker, stouts close second, and cat lady brain digger with compartmentilization issues. Perhaps I’m selfish, too. Perhaps my dolls are réplicas of my brain’s compartments. Perhaps I’m a doll on somebody else’s shelf. All I know is that I’ve been driving around for hours and months and I still haven’t found what makes a song tick off a timer.
If you're lying in bed and making love to silence, it means the batteries are flat.
(January 23, 2018 at 4:11 pm)Shell B Wrote: Joods, you don't have to eat bread to get your grains. You can get whole grain pancake mix, whole grain waffles, steel cut oats, etc.
Thanks Shell. I'll look into this.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
Judi, is your diet carb limited, too, or just calorie limited? As a diabetic, I've found some very low carb, yet tasty forms of bread-like things in my area.
We have a chain of stores in New England called Market Basket. Their store brand reduced calorie sliced bread has only 1-2 carbs and 35 calories/slice, and comes in a ton of varieties (italian, white, oatmeal, multi-grain, whole grain, etc.). It actually tastes like real bread, not cardboard.
There are also low cal/low carb sandwich wraps. I forgot the brand I use (it's in an red-orange package, and brags about being made with flax seed oil), but they're great. Some lettuce, cucumber, cheese, deli turkey, and condiments (I use a tomato basil vinaigrette) and you have a big, filling, yummy sandwich for not a lot of calories or carbs. It's enough to satisfy me for 5-6 hours.
Also, look into protein powder. You can find it in a lot of places... definitely in a place like GNC. It comes in a variety of flavors (generic, vanilla, chocolate, peanut butter), and can be something of a flour substitute. I wouldn't do a 1:1 swap, but you can bake with it.
(January 23, 2018 at 9:32 am)Industrial Lad Wrote: Joods, however far you are from where you want to be there's always somewhere better you can go. About a year or two ago I also wore a size 3x. I'm down 2 sizes now.
You can reach your goals, Joods!
I have heard that gaining weight when you don't eat enough is a thing. Sorry you're going through that right now. I think I may have had that a little bit once or twice in the last few months.
Thanks IL. I started measuring out my food this morning. I pushed myself to eat two hard boiled eggs for breakfast. For lunch, I'm having 3 ounces of chicken breast with a tablespoon of dressing and 2 ounces of shredded cheese. I'm really not all that hungry, but I know I have to push myself to eat something.
That doesn't sound like much. But good luck on your efforts!
