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Current time: April 28, 2024, 6:34 pm

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Should I feel guilty?
#1
Should I feel guilty?
Alright back story;

My fiancé is Roman Catholic (not a very good one since he is living with me out of wedlock and marrying an atheist lol) as are his parents. We have never had religious problems between us. I gave him the right to raise our kids in his faith since it meant more to him than it did me. He is letting us get married outside the faith so I don't have to pretend to be anything or say I accept any of their religious rules. His parents have let us have the wedding on their land which is in itself no small contribution since it is going to be AT their house. We asked his dad to officiate the wedding and he seemed pretty honored by that. I told him that if he didn't want to go through all the legal crap to become a legal one we could get legally married the Friday before and he can just do the ceremony without the legal side of it. He said he would do the legal stuff so we could be married on the day we wanted. Everything was just peachy.

Now why I'm feeling guilty;

Saturday the soon to be in laws came over for a bit and in the convo his dad mentioned how he can't die until after the wedding. I was like uh weird thing to say but okay. Then he goes on to say how the Catholic church doesn't see their members becoming ordained ministers in a good light. How his other catholic friends were raising their eyebrows when told. He kinda laughed it off saying that after the wedding he will get out of the system and ask for forgiveness. I hadn't even thought about it being a religious thing since to me it was just a legal thing. He accepted the roll and laughed about it but now I wonder if I pressured him into it and if that was wrong for me to even ask that of him. Would having him back out of it be better or to just let it continue since it has already been accepted? I knew they were Catholic and I know it means a lot to their family I feel like I should have known better but his reaction to it keeps me at bay for feeling 100% guilty but it is nagging at me. They accept my non religious views and treat me like a daughter so I don't want to step on their toes nor insult their religion. Advice?
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#2
RE: Should I feel guilty?
Talk to the man, not us. Find out how much this is effecting him, his wife, you, and your man. Then make the decision.

Edit: You can make it a non issue by going to the courthouse. I think he'll still be just as honored without being ordained.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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#3
RE: Should I feel guilty?
Alternate view: groom's dad is an adult, and if it's an actual problem he should speak up.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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#4
RE: Should I feel guilty?
Wow! Quite a situation.

Doing something you think you have to beg forgiveness for later!? If it was me, that would put rather a shadow on the wedding. I'd find it really insulting too, but obviously it's his issue and it's the dogma talking.

I'd say talk to him, and offer him an easy out without losing face, if he wants to take it.
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#5
RE: Should I feel guilty?
I dunno bout y'all but in real life I'm a damn mouse with severe anxiety and can't talk to people about issues hence why I came online where I can hide behind a screen and be a chatterbox. Anywho I spoke to my fiancé and he is really laid back and just shrugged saying let him deal with his own issues. I reckon that is the final answer and I will let it go. Well I still feel bad but I'd rather not stir stuff up 3 months before the wedding. I mostly came on here asking if I even have a reason to feel guilty or if that is just me being my paranoid, crazy self.
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#6
RE: Should I feel guilty?
Unless you and/or your groom have a habit of being passive-aggressive or laying on a guilt trip if you don't get your way, then no, there's nothing to feel guilty about. You made a request, he agreed to it. He didn't need to agree, and any pressure he may have felt to agree was likely of his own making.

Don't sweat it.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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#7
RE: Should I feel guilty?
No, I certainly don't think you have any need to feel guilty Smile
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Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.

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#8
RE: Should I feel guilty?
(June 23, 2016 at 11:02 am)mlmooney89 Wrote: I dunno bout y'all but in real life I'm a damn mouse with severe anxiety and can't talk to people about issues hence why I came online where I can hide behind a screen and be a chatterbox. Anywho I spoke to my fiancé and he is really laid back and just shrugged saying let him deal with his own issues. I reckon that is the final answer and I will let it go. Well I still feel bad but I'd rather not stir stuff up 3 months before the wedding. I mostly came on here asking if I even have a reason to feel guilty or if that is just me being my paranoid, crazy self.

Understood.  Still it would be good to let his father know that you don't want him to be uncomfortable and you're entirely happy to go to plan B (get married ahead of time and let him officiate at a ceremony minus the legal standing).  Since the printed word is your power place why not email or text him?
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#9
RE: Should I feel guilty?
(June 23, 2016 at 1:24 pm)Whateverist the White Wrote:
(June 23, 2016 at 11:02 am)mlmooney89 Wrote: I dunno bout y'all but in real life I'm a damn mouse with severe anxiety and can't talk to people about issues hence why I came online where I can hide behind a screen and be a chatterbox. Anywho I spoke to my fiancé and he is really laid back and just shrugged saying let him deal with his own issues. I reckon that is the final answer and I will let it go. Well I still feel bad but I'd rather not stir stuff up 3 months before the wedding. I mostly came on here asking if I even have a reason to feel guilty or if that is just me being my paranoid, crazy self.

Understood.  Still it would be good to let his father know that you don't want him to be uncomfortable and you're entirely happy to go to plan B (get married ahead of time and let him officiate at a ceremony minus the legal standing).  Since the printed word is your power place why not email or text him?

I might do that. His dad is a bit intimidating in real life but it couldn't hurt to remind him about the second option through text. Let him know I am considering his religion (even if I wasn't originally by not thinking about it to begin with)
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#10
RE: Should I feel guilty?
kinda romantic future F-I-L is willing to risk excommunication (heresy, apostasy, schism, probably a few more) in the furtherance of your impending nuptial
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




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