[Serious] comforting the dying

[arewethereyet]

Administrator Notice
Just a reminder that there is a *serious* tag on this thread. Please respect that.

[brewer]

Occasionally people need to acknowledge some of the absurd shit that is associated with dying and see it for what it is.

Listen to George Carlin on the subject.

[Angrboda]

Speak plainly. Don't try to be eloquent or profound. And avoid the urge to point out any bright side. Our natural instinct is to try to fix things. Don't try to fix things. Just be there for them.

[Foxaèr]

Physical contact, hand holding is sufficient, eye contact, and a comforting voice.

[pocaracas]

Try to make something up

Try to write an appropriate response. Alternatively, take a running jump.

You asked about comforting people who are close to death. That was the most appropriate response there is.
The other is that you can't do anything about it, so just help them live the moment until the end comes.

[ColeDavis]

Try to write an appropriate response. Alternatively, take a running jump.

You asked about comforting people who are close to death. That was the most appropriate response there is.
The other is that you can't do anything about it, so just help them live the moment until the end comes.

You sent me a 'humorous' video and told me to 'make things up'.

[arewethereyet]

At the end of my dad's life, the three of us kids were visiting him at the rehab center where he had gone and was later switched to hospice care there. We all lived about a thousand miles away so it was nice to all be there. My niece was there as well. One day dad mentioned that he would really like to have one last taste of black licorice. His mom, he, and I all liked it. The next day he was brought five or six bags of different brands of black licorice. He maybe only managed one or two pieces but it made him happy and it was a simple thing.

The biggest thing was being there. Sometimes the room was full of us. At other times there would only be one or two. The important thing was that we were there.

As an aside - we were all staying in dad's little place in the country. One morning about four a.m. the phone rang. We were all disoriented being away from home and actually hearing a landline with no additional features...like caller ID. None of us made it to the phone in time. A few minutes later as we were gathering our wits, a neighbor called to say dad had called him looking for us...he thought we may have all gone back to our homes. My brother called dad at the facility to find out that dad wanted to know where in the hell we were and to say that he wanted someone to bring him a drink. Mark explained it was 4 in the morning and we would be by in a few hours.

And yes, we did bring him some liquor. My niece said she would have made a liquor run for pop at 4 in the morning had she known.

We still laugh about that. Dad calling his kids in the middle of the night demanding a drink.

Still, it was that we were there and he knew we were there and at that point, what was a drink going to hurt?

Licorice, liquor, and his three kids together getting along is what he wanted and what he got.

[GrandizerII]

I am an atheist and so is my dying friend. Is there any advice out there about comforting people in this situation? Other people apparently visit him but skirt around his
illness and his impending death, so he particularly asks to see or speak to me.

I apologise if this has appeared before, or is in the wrong forum; please let me know.

Not a clue how you should approach this, since I don't know the type of person your friend is.

[pocaracas]

You asked about comforting people who are close to death. That was the most appropriate response there is.
The other is that you can't do anything about it, so just help them live the moment until the end comes.

You sent me a 'humorous' video and told me to 'make things up'.

That's how some of us comfort others... with humour.
What's the use of spending the rest of your days all gloomy? Might as well try to have some fun.

As an advice, show your friend that movie and hear him/her/them have a laugh. Relate it to the current situation ... I don't know... talk about it. And then, if they like it, watch other Ricky Gervais films.
One other thing that is often on older people's minds is what they regret doing/not doing in their lives... maybe it's not a bad idea to just go there and suggest you two do something that was never done... if possible.

*vent time*
Sheesh. You come here with barely any details and expect random internet people to give you insight into how to deal with a random person who has some medical condition that's terminal?
You didn't even tell us if this person is bedridden or is still fully functional and expect us to advise you... how?!?
By writing out generic platitudes? No, screw you!
Use chatGPT for that. It's well versed in ALL the generic platitudes that humanity has ever written and it will cough out everything you need with far more precision than we would.

[ColeDavis]

You sent me a 'humorous' video and told me to 'make things up'.

*vent time*

I don't need to tell you the precise circumstances; everybody else realised that this was about general principles about the situation. If all you've got is other people's idea of humour, I don't think you have much to contribute.