(April 20, 2015 at 3:26 pm)robvalue Wrote: Deidre: Yes I'm a lifer, my parents are shits but at least they didn't indoctrinate me so I'm very lucky on that account I often wonder what would have happened had I been indoctrinated. I feel, perhaps naively, that I would have broken out of it eventually, but I'm sure it would have been a hard and painful battle if I would have won it at all. I'm obscenely logical, so I think it would have taken a very serious level of indoctrination to hold me down for life. But I really can't know that for sure.

Historically, there have been logicians who have been Christians.  So it really is impossible for us to know what would have happened, had you been raised completely differently from how you were in fact raised.

In my case, it took a lot of pain and effort, as I was very well indoctrinated.  Other than that, I have no complaints about how my mother raised me, as she was reasonable (other than being a Christian), honest, and she made me know I was always loved.  It was an honest mistake on her part, to raise me to believe, and so I am not angry with her about it.  Of course, I wish I had not been raised to believe such drivel, but she honestly believed it, having been indoctrinated when she was a child.

My wife was a slut before I met her.

She still is.

We like it that way.

(April 20, 2015 at 12:49 am)rexbeccarox Wrote: Oh no; he thought stripclubs were dens of indecency (and... yeah... so?) and he was always talking disparagingly about his friends' interest in porn. Total prude. Sex was pretty decent with him, though, as long as I didn't talk or make any noise.

That sounds scary...

Yeah. When my wife Lia was a young teeny she used to go to camp where she tells me she used to crush on her camp counselor from Sweden, Helga.

Try as I might, I can't get her to elaborate the nature of the crush when we are having sex. My own imagination, which I am quite pleased to share with her, goes something like this:

*scene starts with Lia and Helga embracing on Helga's bunk*

Helga removes here shirt. "Ah yes Lia, soon you will have a magnificent set of knockers just like these".

Lia tentatively brings her hands up to weigh Helga's endowment. "Oh, do you really think so?"

Helga. "Yeah, sure, you betcha. You'll need them when you have babies."

Lia. "Whatever for?"

Helga. "Why to nurse them of course. Here I will show you. Lie on my lap."

Lia. "Like this?"

Helga. "Exactly. Then you just have to rub the nipple across the baby's face until it latches on."

Lia. "Mmmm, mm, mmmh?"

Helga. "You betcha."

(April 19, 2015 at 11:03 pm)CapnAwesome Wrote: I was reading the random slut-shaming troll thread and scrolling through it I was a little surprised at the number of people who seemed to think that it mattered at all. It doesn't. I couldn't give half a care about who I'm datings sexual past. I never even ask unless it comes up in normal conversation (which of course it normally does anyway, because sex is a pretty interesting conversation topic.) Why does anyone seem to care?

I'm married and have been with the same man for over 9 years now. But I did used to care when I was single and looking for someone to date/marry. Because I was saving myself for marriage, I wanted to be with someone who had also saved himself. I even went as far as to make it a deal breaker if a guy was not a virgin.

Mind you, I was a teenager. Looking back on it now, I realize how insecure and egotistical it was of me to have this thing where I absolutely *must* marry a virgin. If someone had made a mistake in the past but was at that point committed to waiting for marriage to have sex again, I should have been 100% open to them and not given it a second thought.

All this is now a moot point anyway, since I married the greatest man alive and have zero regrets. 

...But I will definitely teach my children to not discount people in any way for mistakes they have made in their past.

As an atheist, I see no reason to save one's self for marriage anymore. But I wonder if there is some benefit to saving yourself outside of sinning (which, of course, I don't believe in)?

My new view of sex is that it can be very unhealthy to hold sex up like that. It worked for you C_L, but imagine if it didn't work out for you (I'm not saying everything worked out perfectly for you, and that you've never known a hardship). You would have been crushed, yeah? I know I was, and I don't know that I came out stronger either. Because I was blind sided, I developed a strong distrust with women (not in general- specifically as a love interest), and that depends on if I even decide its worth it to try. Had I had a lower opinion of sex and a more realistic understanding of relationships when I was younger, I may not have had to go through that.

1. Do I have to look out for crazy ex(s)?

I'm not dating you if you have a psycho stalker ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. I also am not dealing with baby mama drama. So if you have kids you the best have custody of them.

2. Any STDs I need to worry about?
I'm not dating anyone with an incurable and spreadable STD. That's just that.

3. Did you go outside the parameters of your previous relationship?
Whether polyamorous or monogamous I need to know that I can trust you. Having sex outside of the agreed boundaries is a huge no-no!

(August 4, 2015 at 2:45 pm)Exian Wrote: As an atheist, I see no reason to save one's self for marriage anymore. But I wonder if there is some benefit to saving yourself outside of sinning (which, of course, I don't believe in)?

My new view of sex is that it can be very unhealthy to hold sex up like that. It worked for you C_L, but imagine if it didn't work out for you (I'm not saying everything worked out perfectly for you, and that you've never known a hardship). You would have been crushed, yeah? I know I was, and I don't know that I came out stronger either. Because I was blind sided, I developed a strong distrust with women (not in general- specifically as a love interest), and that depends on if I even decide its worth it to try. Had I had a lower opinion of sex and a more realistic understanding of relationships when I was younger, I may not have had to go through that.

Are you talking about if I had held out until marriage and then my husband had cheated on me?

Yes, I can see how that would make it all the more hurtful. But I do think that if 2 people are so committed to their idea of sexual morality that they are willing to wait until they are married, there is less of a chance of one of them cheating afterwards. Not saying it never happens, but waiting until marriage is very very difficult, and if someone is strong enough to do that, then I imagine most of them would also be strong enough to stay loyal to their spouse.

(August 4, 2015 at 2:45 pm)Exian Wrote: As an atheist, I see no reason to save one's self for marriage anymore. But I wonder if there is some benefit to saving yourself outside of sinning (which, of course, I don't believe in)?

My new view of sex is that it can be very unhealthy to hold sex up like that. It worked for you C_L, but imagine if it didn't work out for you (I'm not saying everything worked out perfectly for you, and that you've never known a hardship). You would have been crushed, yeah? I know I was, and I don't know that I came out stronger either. Because I was blind sided, I developed a strong distrust with women (not in general- specifically as a love interest), and that depends on if I even decide its worth it to try. Had I had a lower opinion of sex and a more realistic understanding of relationships when I was younger, I may not have had to go through that.

Sex is a big part of romantic relationships.  Prior to birth control, saving it until marriage might make sense just because of the risk.  But, I can't imagine why saving it until the attachment is permanent would be a good idea now.  Sex is an important part of bonding (besides being fun) and finding out what kind of sex partner they are before committing is a very good idea.

(August 4, 2015 at 3:54 pm)Jenny A Wrote:

(August 4, 2015 at 2:45 pm)Exian Wrote: As an atheist, I see no reason to save one's self for marriage anymore. But I wonder if there is some benefit to saving yourself outside of sinning (which, of course, I don't believe in)?

My new view of sex is that it can be very unhealthy to hold sex up like that. It worked for you C_L, but imagine if it didn't work out for you (I'm not saying everything worked out perfectly for you, and that you've never known a hardship). You would have been crushed, yeah? I know I was, and I don't know that I came out stronger either. Because I was blind sided, I developed a strong distrust with women (not in general- specifically as a love interest), and that depends on if I even decide its worth it to try. Had I had a lower opinion of sex and a more realistic understanding of relationships when I was younger, I may not have had to go through that.

Sex is a big part of romantic relationships.  Prior to birth control, saving it until marriage might make sense just because of the risk.  But, I can't imagine why saving it until the attachment is permanent would be a good idea now.  Sex is an important part of bonding (besides being fun) and finding out what kind of sex partner they are before committing is a very good idea.

Religion aside, I still think saving sex for marriage is still a better option... for practical reasons.

It is the only 100%, for sure way of avoiding pregnancy out of wedlock and decreasing the spread of STDs.

While hormonal birth control has a very small failure rate for pregnancy, it is still not healthy for a woman's body to be pumped up with synthetic hormones for decades at a time.... And it does nothing to prevent STDs. Barrier contraceptives (condoms, diaphragm, etc) are not harmful in any way, but they are less reliable in avoiding pregnancy, and don't protect 100% from STDs either. 

It just seems objectively better to have less sexual partners, and to wait until you are in a life long commitment.

I get the argument about sexual compatibility, but I'd say that you can get a pretty good sense of someone's sexuality through making out and good, honest communication about it.