Hi everybody,


I'm new here and need your help right at the beginning, even though it might sound a bit strange to you . Some time ago, I left a VERY fundamentalist religious group in which I had been taught that we needed to ask God for forgiveness for each and every little sin we committed, even “guilty” THOUGHTS. As I was a member of that church for quite some time, this always-asking-for-forgiveness became like a pattern. Now I' don't believe in God anymore, but still I kind of feel the urge to ask for forgiveness after each and every little wrongdoing (and even if it's only things such as having an envious thought or driving 60 instead of 55mph.... So I wanted to know what you/”normal people without religion” are doing in situations like those? Just shrug your shoulders, tell yourself that nobody is perfect and go on with life without feeling guilty? I know it sounds stupid, but I'd be happy to hear your answers!!! Thanks in advance,
Sandra

Good morning and Welcome!

Hello Sandra

I'm sorry to hear you were put through that. Sadly religion is very good at using guilt, and even thought police, to keep people in check.

Others here have been through the same thing so can probably offer a better perspective than me. I'd say that firstly "sin" is an imaginary notion, the idea that you can hurt god's feelings. A god having human feelings is absolutely absurd, and a dead giveaway that it's just a human imaginary construct. If there is a god, protecting his feelings is not of prime importance. I'm sure he can take care of himself.

My advice is to look at the actual consequences of your actions. Did what you do hurt anybody? If not, you have nothing to feel guilty about, on the whole. "Sin" is a word for pretending things are bad when actually they don't matter at all. For one, no one can help what thoughts go through their head. That's no one's business but your own, and it doesn't hurt anyone. It's actions that matter.

We all make mistakes, and when we do, we should apologise to the people we actually hurt and then try and learn from them.

You should ask forgiveness for wrongdoings, but ask it of the people you wronged. Not some god with hurt feelings because you did something bad against something else.

Hell, some sins aren't even bad things. If Yahweh has a problem with same sex adults making love, he needs to get over himself. No god as petty as the Abrahamic god is worth paying attention to.

I don't stress over wrong thoughts, though sometimes I need to calm myself down when I get riled up by anger. Actions are good or bad. Thoughts have no effect on reality unless they're acted upon.

(September 22, 2015 at 9:23 am)Sandra Wrote: Hi everybody,


I'm new here and need your help right at the beginning, even though it might sound a bit strange to you . Some time ago, I left a VERY fundamentalist religious group in which I had been taught that we needed to ask God for forgiveness for each and every little sin we committed, even “guilty” THOUGHTS. As I was a member of that church for quite some time, this always-asking-for-forgiveness became like a pattern. Now I' don't believe in God anymore, but still I kind of feel the urge to ask for forgiveness after each and every little wrongdoing (and even if it's only things such as having an envious thought or driving 60 instead of 55mph.... So I wanted to know what you/”normal people without religion” are doing in situations like those? Just shrug your shoulders, tell yourself that nobody is perfect and go on with life without feeling guilty? I know it sounds stupid, but I'd be happy to hear your answers!!! Thanks in advance,
Sandra

Wow Sandra, sorry to hear you went through that.  I'm not in the "normal people without religion" camp, but I'm certainly in the "normal people" camp.  Yes, nobody is perfect.  We all mess up.  Intent is the signifier.  Did you mean to do X knowing it was "wrong"?  Most often not.  Guilt is terrible thing to live with.  Far too many churches have turned God in to a forgiveness ATM.  Come, ask for forgiveness, get your 'forgiven' receipt and go on, rinse and repeat.  It makes it meaningless.  Forgiveness is about restoring relationship.  When I wrong my wife or upset her, I want to be forgiven so that we can get back to the relationship I have with her.  It's not so she will make my favorite dinner, or that we might have sex that night.  Those things may come to pass, but the reason I want forgiveness is to restore relationship.

Hello and welcome Sandra!

I'm gonna keep it nice and short:

A) Time heals everything, it eventually goes away, most of it at the very least

B) The guilt only matters as much as you think it does, which brings me to C

C) Arms yourself well: Read and research! Watch debates, read books, articles... You can only go for so long just by using brute force to fight it!

You've taken a difficult road! It will be bumpy, but it will help you grow!

Welcome!

The only little sins that bother me are usually those where I feel that I've noticeably wronged someone in some concrete fashion (for example, forgetting to pay for a cup of coffe at a restaurant hurts the waiter). In those cases I often try to compensate or apologize with the person affected. I don't ask forgiveness unless the person that I wronged is the addressee, otherwise it makes no sense.

Going 60 in a 55mph zone is what I always do. Who does 55 in a 55 zone?
I never feel guilty about thoughts.

(September 22, 2015 at 9:35 am)Chad32 Wrote: You should ask forgiveness for wrongdoings, but ask it of the people you wronged. Not some god with hurt feelings because you did something bad against something else.

Hell, some sins aren't even bad things. If Yahweh has a problem with same sex adults making love, he needs to get over himself. No god as petty as the Abrahamic god is worth paying attention to.

I don't stress over wrong thoughts, though sometimes I need to calm myself down when I get riled up by anger. Actions are good or bad. Thoughts have no effect on reality unless they're acted upon.

I haven't been contributing too long, but I have been a voyeur of these boards for some time and, to be totally frank for someone with belief, I like the cut of your gib.

First Kudos given.

---

Damn my utter retardation when it comes to this board, damn it to hell.

That Kudos and reply was, of course, meant for lKingpinl.

Sorry Chad, you seem a thoroughly decent chap and all.

SofaKingHigh

(September 22, 2015 at 9:35 am)Chad32 Wrote: You should ask forgiveness for wrongdoings, but ask it of the people you wronged. Not some god with hurt feelings because you did something bad against something else.

Hell, some sins aren't even bad things. If Yahweh has a problem with same sex adults making love, he needs to get over himself. No god as petty as the Abrahamic god is worth paying attention to.

I don't stress over wrong thoughts, though sometimes I need to calm myself down when I get riled up by anger. Actions are good or bad. Thoughts have no effect on reality unless they're acted upon.

I haven't been contributing too long, but I have been a voyeur of these boards for some time and, to be totally frank for someone with belief, I like the cut of your gib.

First Kudos given.


Many people do. I've gotten many kudos, and feel quite at home here.Many people do. I've gotten many kudos, and feel quite at home here.

Quote:Damn my utter retardation when it comes to this board, damn it to hell.

That Kudos and reply was, of course, meant for lKingpinl.

Sorry Chad, you seem a thoroughly decent chap and all.

No take-backsies!

Hi, Sandra

You were severely brain-washed.  You cannot expect to get out of that without a few scars.  These cults...and all religions are cults...practice mind-control over their members.

I quit the catholic church over 50 years ago and never think about fucking god at all.  The church, however, does exist...as an evil entity of criminal pedophiles and thieves.  So while god is a non-starter I can quite worked up about the sleazebags who profess to "serve" him.