CIJS;

Ugh.

(September 30, 2016 at 6:59 pm)Gemini Wrote: CIJS...

This post is not about you. I know you think it is, but it isn't. It's about someone else entirely. Someone who thinks this post is about them, even though it isn't.

You know who you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to get my nails done by a manicurist who manicures everyone who does not manicure themselves.

Love it

CIJS...

This is to the person who likes me or doesn't like me or has neutral feelings about me. You know who know who you are. This post is for you.

CIJSAIJBH...

I'm feeling a lot like a fly these days... an annoying nuisance buzzing around and popping up randomly without much to say and not landing long enough in one place to be helpful. If anyone feels that way about me, please feel free to swat me. Rather that than continue to be unhelpful and a nuisance and worse, maybe even make people feel worse. Seriously... swat me if I'm unwelcome... no offence will be taken... honesty is the best policy here. Thanks.

(September 30, 2016 at 7:58 pm)Emjay Wrote: CIJSAIJBH...

I'm feeling a lot like a fly these days... an annoying nuisance buzzing around and popping up randomly without much to say and not landing long enough in one place to be helpful. If anyone feels that way about me, please feel free to swat me. Rather that than continue to be unhelpful and a nuisance and worse, maybe even make people feel worse. Seriously... swat me if I'm unwelcome... no offence will be taken... honesty is the best policy here. Thanks.

I really don't feel that way about you, Emjay. I always love your posts. And I feel the way you describe sometimes. Maybe someone should swat me too. 

Course I would probably enjoy it.

Oops shouldn't have said that. 

(September 30, 2016 at 8:15 pm)Gemini Wrote:

(September 30, 2016 at 7:58 pm)Emjay Wrote: CIJSAIJBH...

I'm feeling a lot like a fly these days... an annoying nuisance buzzing around and popping up randomly without much to say and not landing long enough in one place to be helpful. If anyone feels that way about me, please feel free to swat me. Rather that than continue to be unhelpful and a nuisance and worse, maybe even make people feel worse. Seriously... swat me if I'm unwelcome... no offence will be taken... honesty is the best policy here. Thanks.

I really don't feel that way about you, Emjay. I always love your posts. And I feel the way you describe sometimes. Maybe someone should swat me too. 

Course I would probably enjoy it.

Oops shouldn't have said that. 

Thanks Gemini, that's very kind of you

I was supposed to be taking a break from the forum but I seem to be in an awkward limbo between that and being here. I just don't have the energy or the comprehension to be fully involved here any more. My mind feels incapable of understanding the simplest of topics and I have no energy for long conversations. So I've basically become much more of a lurker, and when I do post it's simple posts here or there and usually just opinions stated without the expectation of replies - ie (s)hit and runs. I just do not feel capable any more of doing much more than that, but with that state of limbo, of one foot in and one out the door, I feel like I'm maybe hurting my friends. That it would be better all round if I just left completely rather than being someone so sporadic in appearance... someone they can't rely on because of that.

Ems, you're a good guy, you ain't annoying anyone ... and myself, I prefer fewer and more pertinent words -- exactly why I like your posts.

(September 30, 2016 at 9:21 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Ems, you're a good guy, you ain't annoying anyone ... and myself, I prefer fewer and more pertinent words -- exactly why I like your posts.

Thanks Thumpy, that means a lot I think you're a good guy too... a great guy in fact. So caring and empathic with everyone, and so expressive and soulful in everything you say. You really inspire me

(September 30, 2016 at 8:50 pm)Emjay Wrote: Thanks Gemini, that's very kind of you

I was supposed to be taking a break from the forum but I seem to be in an awkward limbo between that and being here. I just don't have the energy or the comprehension to be fully involved here any more. My mind feels incapable of understanding the simplest of topics and I have no energy for long conversations. So I've basically become much more of a lurker, and when I do post it's simple posts here or there and usually just opinions stated without the expectation of replies - ie (s)hit and runs. I just do not feel capable any more of doing much more than that, but with that state of limbo, of one foot in and one out the door, I feel like I'm maybe hurting my friends. That it would be better all round if I just left completely rather than being someone so sporadic in appearance... someone they can't rely on because of that.

*hugs*

Come here for support then. You don't have to post a lot or have long conversations. Those are fun when you're in the mood for it, but you shouldn't feel obligated to be that way all the time.

I like you, and I think everyone understands that stuff comes up and sometimes you're gonna be sporadic. It's okay. Take that pressure off yourself and hopefully you'll feel better 

(September 30, 2016 at 9:37 pm)Gemini Wrote:

(September 30, 2016 at 8:50 pm)Emjay Wrote: Thanks Gemini, that's very kind of you

I was supposed to be taking a break from the forum but I seem to be in an awkward limbo between that and being here. I just don't have the energy or the comprehension to be fully involved here any more. My mind feels incapable of understanding the simplest of topics and I have no energy for long conversations. So I've basically become much more of a lurker, and when I do post it's simple posts here or there and usually just opinions stated without the expectation of replies - ie (s)hit and runs. I just do not feel capable any more of doing much more than that, but with that state of limbo, of one foot in and one out the door, I feel like I'm maybe hurting my friends. That it would be better all round if I just left completely rather than being someone so sporadic in appearance... someone they can't rely on because of that.

*hugs*

Come here for support then. You don't have to post a lot or have long conversations. Those are fun when you're in the mood for it, but you shouldn't feel obligated to be that way all the time.

I like you, and I think everyone understands that stuff comes up and sometimes you're gonna be sporadic. It's okay. Take that pressure off yourself and hopefully you'll feel better 

Hugs to you too thanks for the thought... and it is a nice thought... but it's not that simple for me; when the going gets tough I don't look outwards for support, I retreat inwards, away from people. I'm an introvert and introspective by nature so when I have problems I try to work on myself... that's why the Buddhism appeals so much. I thought me becoming more detached wasn't going to hurt anyone but I'm not so sure now... for the reasons I said before... that I'm becoming basically less reliable... that I'm more distant and aloof. But I firmly believe I can't deal without fixing myself at source... not trying to control my environment but learning to accept it. And I feel I can only do that alone... so it feels that talking and debating is a distraction from the only way I personally deal with things. So that's why I need(ed) a break... to get my thoughts in order.

(September 30, 2016 at 9:36 pm)Emjay Wrote:

(September 30, 2016 at 9:21 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Ems, you're a good guy, you ain't annoying anyone ... and myself, I prefer fewer and more pertinent words -- exactly why I like your posts.

Thanks Thumpy, that means a lot I think you're a good guy too... a great guy in fact. So caring and empathic with everyone, and so expressive and soulful in everything you say. You really inspire me

Lol, so long as you ignore those posts where I'm an asshole.

I really understand your conundrum and working on yourself, and still wanting to be connected to people. I'm in a similar boat in recovering from my alcoholism and using mindfulness as a major tool in that endeavor.

I split my time between people and solitude. Finding the right balance can be pretty difficult, especially since I work with the public but live alone. I think I reached a good point when I learnt to let go of the disjointed feelings that such a disjointed life aroused in me.

Still working on it -- still have days when I don't want to see anyone, still have days when the loneliness gets pretty heavy.