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Sal · November 11, 2016 at 7:16 am

(November 11, 2016 at 7:15 am)Bob Kelso Wrote:
(November 11, 2016 at 6:49 am)Sal Wrote: You don't have to like it. I'm being honest, but in no way am I being discriminatory. If anything I feel sorry for them for being so emotionally blind.

Nice save.

**Bob Kelso** · November 11, 2016 at 7:18 am

(November 11, 2016 at 7:16 am)Sal Wrote:
(November 11, 2016 at 7:15 am)Bob Kelso Wrote:

Nice save.

Save? I'm more of a Joker than a Superman good sir.

AceBoogie · November 11, 2016 at 8:31 am

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: I really want to hurt myself right now. Not kill,just hurt. It's a difficult urge to resist. Maybe talking about it will ease the desire.

I'm a terrible person. I realm am. I'm a bad housekeeper and a bad wife. I fuck up everything. I lose my temper too often. My college degree is from I fucking TT, the one that just shut down for basically being an overpriced pay for an A. I'm stupid, my memory is actually damaged. I'm an utter coward. This isn't fishing for compliments. People who think I'm nice, well yeah I try, but deep down I'm a judgmental bitch. I think horrible thoughts, and I'm afraid of everything.

I've done ok at staying out of this dark place for a while. Maybe just dipping my toes on now and then. But I am currently paddling around alone. I needed understanding, and what I got was a clear message that I don't perform my wifely duties often enough or with sufficient enthusiasm. Not a new complaint. I've tried to improve, I just don't have much of a libido.

He never hugs or kisses me unless he wants sex. My birthday is in a few days and he's been giving me gifts early, but now it seems that as always, he was hoping they would earn him sex. He's said so plainly on more than one gift giving occasion. Should just have him return it all. I clearly don't deserve any of it. I'm lazy, I look so old now, and I'm sick so often. No wonder he only wants one thing out of me, the rest is garbage. When he graduates and doesn't need my money anymore, will he keep me around? Am I worth keeping? I don't feel like it right now. I feel very worthless.

And now im empty. Thanks for reading my emo baby pitty party. Just knowing im needy enough to hit post instead of just deleting this fucked up bitch fest makes me even angrier. I'll probably delete it tomorrow, but for now I need to say it. Like throwing up when you're sick, I needed to purge this poison out.
So, now im empty and going to sleep. I hope.

Everyone has 'bad' thoughts deep down. Everyone. If I told people some of the thoughts I had I probably wouldn't have a single ally in this world.

I don't know your situation, but the fact that your man never hugs or kisses you unless it's for sex, if he's not making you feel wanted, or loved, or making you feel sexy, or telling you you're a bad wife or housekeeper... That is much more of a reflection on him than anything. A man should make his woman feel loved, at the very least.

Besides that, it sounds like you're really going through a lot and I hope things work out. It must be tough to be in your shoes right now, but that doesn't mean things won't get better, because chances are, they will.

**Athene** · (This post was last modified: November 11, 2016 at 4:27 pm by Athene.)

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: He never hugs or kisses me unless he wants sex. My birthday is in a few days and he's been giving me gifts early, but now it seems that as always, he was hoping they would earn him sex. He's said so plainly on more than one gift giving occasion. Should just have him return it all. I clearly don't deserve any of it. I'm lazy, I look so old now, and I'm sick so often. No wonder he only wants one thing out of me, the rest is garbage. When he graduates and doesn't need my money anymore, will he keep me around? Am I worth keeping? I don't feel like it right now. I feel very worthless.

Maybe it's something that needs a little work on both ends. Perhaps, enlisting outside help would be beneficial...if BOTH of you are inclined to make things work for yourselves, and your family.

If not, it may be a good idea to shift focus, and start quietly preparing yourself mentally, financially, etc., for what you suspect may be coming down the pike. Drowning in feelings helplessness, hopelessness, and despondence can make it all too easy to become a sitting duck.

You're a Mama Bear, remember? Smile

~~Expired~~

I have not worked half as hard as I said I had when I got home.

~~Edwardo Piet~~ · (This post was last modified: November 11, 2016 at 5:05 pm by Edwardo Piet.)

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: I really want to hurt myself right now. Not kill,just hurt. It's a difficult urge to resist. Maybe talking about it will ease the desire.

I'm a terrible person. I realm am. I'm a bad housekeeper and a bad wife. I fuck up everything. I lose my temper too often. My college degree is from I fucking TT, the one that just shut down for basically being an overpriced pay for an A. I'm stupid, my memory is actually damaged. I'm an utter coward. This isn't fishing for compliments. People who think I'm nice, well yeah I try, but deep down I'm a judgmental bitch. I think horrible thoughts, and I'm afraid of everything.

I've done ok at staying out of this dark place for a while. Maybe just dipping my toes on now and then. But I am currently paddling around alone. I needed understanding, and what I got was a clear message that I don't perform my wifely duties often enough or with sufficient enthusiasm. Not a new complaint. I've tried to improve, I just don't have much of a libido.

He never hugs or kisses me unless he wants sex. My birthday is in a few days and he's been giving me gifts early, but now it seems that as always, he was hoping they would earn him sex. He's said so plainly on more than one gift giving occasion. Should just have him return it all. I clearly don't deserve any of it. I'm lazy, I look so old now, and I'm sick so often. No wonder he only wants one thing out of me, the rest is garbage. When he graduates and doesn't need my money anymore, will he keep me around? Am I worth keeping? I don't feel like it right now. I feel very worthless.

And now im empty. Thanks for reading my emo baby pitty party. Just knowing im needy enough to hit post instead of just deleting this fucked up bitch fest makes me even angrier. I'll probably delete it tomorrow, but for now I need to say it. Like throwing up when you're sick, I needed to purge this poison out.
So, now im empty and going to sleep. I hope.

You're a fantastic mother and a fantastic person.

In fact, you're one of the loveliest persons I know, Aroura.

He never hugs or kisses you unless he wants sex? He gives you gifts hoping he'll get sex?

You're certainly a good person. And you deserve a lot of goodness in return.

I hope you pick up and feel better in time, Aroura. You're one of my favorite people on AF. Hell, you're one of my favorite people, period.

Feeling angry does not make you a bad person because you're not a bad person for having feelings. Thinking 'bad thoughts' doesn't make you a bad person because you're not a bad person for having thoughts. You are a good person because of who you are. You have a lovely personality and a good heart... and it shows.

Heart

pocaracas · November 11, 2016 at 5:43 pm

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Pat Mustard · November 11, 2016 at 7:07 pm

(November 10, 2016 at 8:40 pm)Little lunch Wrote: I've a got a crush on Red from 'Orange is the new black'.

I wouldn't be able to get past SFDebris' mirror Janeway impression, or the insane dictator one from the Alpha universe either.

Darwins Disciple · November 11, 2016 at 10:06 pm

(November 10, 2016 at 10:35 pm)ApeNotKillApe Wrote: I never learned to read.

I like your Avatar. It really appeals to me.

Thumpalumpacus · November 11, 2016 at 10:47 pm

Affection is very much a part of a healthy love life. Who wants to make love with someone who doesn't value the random kiss or caress? There's no light-switch on my libido.

Maybe working on that would be a good start?

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