A few hours ago I officially got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I just got home.

I was told it's definitive and I wouldn't have received the diagnosis unless they were absolutely certain that I'm autistic, and it's not going to be like what happened to me when I got misdiagnosed with bipolar, I have this for life and there's a lot of understanding about it, I'll be getting support and I can breathe a big sigh of relief.

I don't know what else to say really. For whoever likes me or is interested or wants to know on AF, any friends I have here, here's the info. I got a big bunch of personalized paperwork including my personal details, that goes into detail about the areas in which autism affects me specifically, and I got a bunch of phone numbers about local autism services and a list of books about more info on it and stuff.... I was intendeding to go into more detail about it but I feel rather overwhelmed because there's still lots of stuff I need to read up on. Some of the ways I struggle make sense of things I'd never even thought about, and it's like the professionals are aware of aspects that I'm not even aware of in myself. I was told that over 50% of people with autism also have an underlying mental health condition, and they noticed that I come across as very emotionally disconnected when I talk about childhood trauma involving my dad, and I'd never even thought about that before and now that I think about it maybe that explains why I sometimes find myself crying when I talk about it but I don't feel sad and I ask myself why I'm crying because it's in the past and my eyes may water but I really don't feel sad about it. I was told that autism already makes me disconnected from my emotions, or disassociated to be more specific, but childhood trauma may have exacerbated it further.

So, I was here expecting I might get this certificate that said I have autism and I'd get support and that would be that. But the amount of information I have been given is both extremely relieving and reassuring and also a little overwhelming.

Above all I'm extremely relieved to finally understand why I've struggled my whole life so much socially, pragmatically and emotionally.... and why I feel like I need to spend so much time alone.

I was told that I'm right to not push myself to do things before I feel ready. As doing so may indeed cause me to have meltdowns like I have had in the past... and it's not good for me.

But I have also been given a bunch of different information about support I can get when I feel ready. And I feel encouraged to go ahead and get what I can. Plus there's local autism groups and I can meet other autistic people.... and hey, I might actually make some friends in real life!.... before going back home and hiding in my room again a few hours later hehe.

That's it I guess. I've probably rambled too much already. I'm sorry if this is all TL;DR.

I’m glad you finally got your diagnosis and the support and information that comes with it

So, how many does this make us? There’s me, Grandizer, Lutrinae, and you. Is that it for AF members (at least the currently active ones) on the Autism Spectrum or has someone else here come out on some other thread that I somehow managed to miss, alongside all the times Jack said she was a Mexican?

Is there anything else to say but “Welcome to the the club, Hammy”?

I haven't been "officially" diagnosed, still working on that.

(March 22, 2018 at 5:03 pm)Rev. Rye Wrote: So, how many does this make us? There’s me, Grandizer, Lutrinae, and you. Is that it for AF members (at least the currently active ones) on the Autism Spectrum or has someone else here come out on some other thread that I somehow managed to miss, alongside all the times Jack said she was a Mexican?

Is there anything else to say but “Welcome to the the club, Hammy”?

You should see the Facebook Orbital group (my favorite band).... like over 50% of us are autistic lol.

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(March 22, 2018 at 5:03 pm)Rev. Rye Wrote: Is there anything else to say but “Welcome to the the club, Hammy”?

I thought there would never be a club I'd feel a part of.... but I feel a part of this one

Sucks man, but at least you know.  So....drugs..what kind of drugs can you get..and also whats postage like between you and I?  

I think you're confusing autism with crack addict.

I have this theory that most people with autism are exceptional, in the gifted sense.

So no drugs..or the postage is just too high, for clarity? 

(March 22, 2018 at 5:32 pm)Mermaid Wrote: I have this theory that most people with autism are exceptional, in the gifted sense.

Does typing 40,000+ posts over an internet forum and being the second highest poster despite taking a break for several years count?

As far as I know I don't have any talents besides being high general intelligence and being able to type like this since I was 6 years old.

My typing does feel like a gift because it took me half an hour to type like this. And that feels like the stuff of the movies.

But if that is the only gift I get besides being super smert, I wish I had more lol.

I mean, and what's the point in being smart if I don't have the motivation or self control, self discipline required to make something of myself?

On the other hand maybe that will change with enough support. I hope so. But when I really feel overwhelmed by certain stressors in life then as far as I know there are certainly cases where coping strategies are all I can get.

Basically: I'm sure with support I'll be able to progress in life more than before... but I dunno if I'll ever be fully developed (as I have a developmental disorder that can be pretty intense at times).... I hope I will. But I'm not going to get my hopes up too hard. Maybe I'll never be fully "normal" but do I need to be?

I feel like if I ever get some successful high paid jobbed it will be something pretty niche. That's how I feel.

Or maybe if I get better at consistently showing up and getting out of bed and functioning normally... I may one day be able to work at an office.

Lately I have been volunteering at an office and I only show up about once a month despite the fact they're expecting me every week.... but they have gotten used to the fact I cancel so often because reasons..... and yet, I literally am so fast at typing stuff up for them..... that I get weeks worth of stuff done in a few hours.... AND.... get this.... last Wednesday they told me to slow down so the rest of them could keep up with me because they needed to highlight certain things I was typing. LOL. So I barely even show up and I *still* need to slow down lol. Perhaps showing up would be overkill then lol. Lmao.

But unfortunately there aren't job positions out there where someone gets paid the same but only turns up a quarter of the time but does over four times the work of everyone else lol.

We're just talking typing here though. I'm sure my brain could have other talents but I can't do one thing for very long without burning out and needing a nap and a wank.

Half the time I feel like even sexual relief is mostly just stress relief for me. And it's the only way I can sleep.

Okay maybe that's TMI lol. But I think it's surprisingly revelvant lol. I'm perfectly happy having a fully online relationship and staying in my room and not getting a real life relationship, but I sure as hell need some kind of sexual activity, if only by myself... at least for stress relief and so I can sleep.

I mean, many autistic people are asexual. I'm not asexual, I'm a sexual. I have a sex drive, but I am certainly less motivated to go out and get a relationship than most people. I'd rather stay home alone in my room forever.

Sometimes I get sad briefly and desire an RL relationship. But that's mostly frustration with the fact I struggle to even get an online relationship lol. As most women (and people I assume) want more than that. Much to my disappointment

I would ideally wanna meet someone who could be an RL relationship for me. But they'd have to be fucking perfect. Or a fucking consistent fuck buddy and they'd have to be pretty fucking tolerant to deal with me whoever they are.

"I'm bored of you now. Can I go home to my room?"

I wouldn't say it like that of course lol. I'd be polite. But that's how I'd feel after a while with the love of my life lol.

Now.... I could spend huge amounts of time living with someone I love. But even just one tiny argument (which is inevitable) would scare me to death. It's not like debates on the internet, which I fully detach from and become an impersonal robot.

Anyway where was I. Oh yeah. I'm gifted at least with my fingers. (Okay and my tongue is pretty good too but that's another topic lol).