Sae, I can't tackle most of the above, but I think I CAN promise not to kill anyone you like for a while. The rest hurts my brain at the moment, but that one sounds quite do-able.

Posting this is unjustifiable, and totally wrong. Still... I'm gonna do it anyway ...

(July 3, 2010 at 12:25 pm)fr0d0 Wrote: Posting this is unjustifiable, and totally wrong. Still... I'm gonna do it anyway ...

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If you think that's bad, head on over to: http://www.truelad.com/

It's a haven for offhand chauvinism and a tribute to anything reckless, selfish or vulgar and generally everything that is wrong with British society. Still, some of it's pretty funny.

(July 3, 2010 at 12:25 pm)fr0d0 Wrote:

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You're now my best friend Fr0d0.

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Truelad.com. If you're not British, you won't understand half of them.

WTF is the 'boot of a bus' and how would you place a motorcycle in it?

(July 3, 2010 at 11:20 pm)Dotard Wrote: Truelad.com. If you're not British, you won't understand half of them.

WTF is the 'boot of a bus' and how would you place a motorcycle in it?

The boot is what you yanks would call the 'trunk'

When a man attempted to rape me, it was at a job site. I was dressed in baggy jeans with some paint smears on one leg. I was wearing a tool belt, a long-sleeved shirt that did not reveal cleavage and was not tight, sneakers, and had my hair in a braid. I was one of only four females employed at the company, and the only one who ever spent any time at the job site. The others were the bookkeeper, the receptionist, and the friend of the boss who collected a paycheck but never actually did any work. There were other people at the job site working on various projects and up until a couple minutes before the attack, I'd been working nearby a gentleman that was trustworthy. He ran out of materials and had to get more.

So where was my responsibility to avoid the attack?

Should I not have been a woman in traditionally a man's field? Should I not have tried to hold a job at all? Should I have declined my recent raise for hard work that caused me to earn more than my attacker? Should I not have tried to work at a job where men could see me? Should I have realized that drywall was a super turn on for guys and known not to be anywhere near it when a guy was around? Should I have stayed with the other man so he could protect me instead of doing the job I was hired to do? Should I have known some men find tool belts sexy on a woman and thus used much less convenient methods of carting my tools around?

Please let me know what responsibility I should take here and what I should have done differently to avoid the attack. I'd really like to know what portion of the attack was my fault.



There is nothing women can do to avoid being raped. The problem isn't that women wear sexy clothes, it's that some men think of women as objects and view the sexy clothes as permission to touch the objects.

(July 8, 2010 at 11:56 am)In This Mind Wrote: When a man attempted to rape me, it was at a job site. I was dressed in baggy jeans with some paint smears on one leg. I was wearing a tool belt, a long-sleeved shirt that did not reveal cleavage and was not tight, sneakers, and had my hair in a braid.

----8<----

I hope you had either a heavy or sharp object in your toolbelt & fucked that guy up.

(July 8, 2010 at 1:57 pm)Jaysyn Wrote: I hope you had either a heavy or sharp object in your toolbelt & fucked that guy up.

I hurt him and kept him at bay long enough for help to arrive, but he managed to corner me which prevented the effective use of a drywall spatula as a slashing weapon. The screwdriver, on the other hand, did some damage, but the jerk didn't bleed fast enough for it to stop him.

shit.

Mind Wrote:There is nothing women can do to avoid being raped. The problem isn't that women wear sexy clothes, it's that some men think of women as objects and view the sexy clothes as permission to touch the objects.

Well, you avoided getting raped, by defending yourself, although, I imagine you where talking about clothes. If they are going to rape someone they are going to do it regardless of what the woman is wearing. I think that wearing sexy clothes might make someone a more likely target. Maybe if what she was wearing turned him on, but I'm not a rapist or even a guy so I have no... I can't think of a word that could go here, but am I making sense? but I tend to dress modestly and am of the impression that dressing sexily doesn't help the idea of getting all men to stop thinking of women as objects. (of course, if he already doesn't think that it probably won't change his mind.) Sometimes, I wear female clothes-- like today. (I usually find female clothes uncomfortable, anyway.)

(July 8, 2010 at 3:23 pm)Cego_Colher Wrote: Well, you avoided getting raped, by defending yourself, although, I imagine you where talking about clothes. If they are going to rape someone they are going to do it regardless of what the woman is wearing. I think that wearing sexy clothes might make someone a more likely target. Maybe if what she was wearing turned him on, but I'm not a rapist or even a guy so I have no... I can't think of a word that could go here, but am I making sense? but I tend to dress modestly and am of the impression that dressing sexily doesn't help the idea of getting all men to stop thinking of women as objects. (of course, if he already doesn't think that it probably won't change his mind.) Sometimes, I wear female clothes-- like today. (I usually find female clothes uncomfortable, anyway.)

And that's the point. The clothes don't matter. Just being a woman is enough.

When recounting what happened to me, I've been asked 'well, why were you there in the first place?' and had it heavily implied 'that's what you get for acting like a man'.

By claiming a woman bears some responsibility for what happened, what you are doing is justifying the rape and absolving the rapist of some level of blame. It's saying that it's a lesser crime to rape a woman in sexy clothes than it is to rape a woman in ugly clothes. It's saying that it is more understandable to rape a woman in high heels than it is to rape a woman in sneakers.

You (general you) can deny that's what you meant, but if you are honest with yourself, it's exactly what you meant.

The only person with any level of control over whether or not an attempt at rape occurs is the rapist. Thus the only person who bears any level of responsibility for the rape is the rapist.

I should be allowed to wear sexy clothes on my way home from a party at night without fear. It is not my behavior that needs to change, but the behavior of the rapist. I did not incite the rape.