I have a daughter going off to college next fall. The drinking age is 21, but I remember college well enough to be pretty sure that being 18 won't be a barrier to drinking.

The thing is this. My parents drank at home and they let me try just about everything, so I had a pretty good idea about martinis, daiquiris, margaritas, rum and coke, mai tais, whiskey, brandy, scotch, wine, and beer from experience when I left home. I observed that the kids who had real trouble with liquor their first year in school were the ones trying alcohol for the first time.

My husband does not drink and I have wine and beer mostly with occasional spiked coffee in the winter. I've let the girls sip and mostly a sip is all they've wanted. The question is whether I should give my daughter a kind of tour of the hard stuff so she really knows how little it takes and how it can be disguised in various drinks. No, the idea is not to get her drunk, just educate her a little before she learns the hard way.

Good idea? Bad idea? Suggestions for how to go about it?

[I'm not sure where to put this topic, and if the mods think it's better elsewhere please move it.]

In a nutshell it's a bad idea. Studies, like this one, have consistently shown that children who are allowed to drink small amounts of alcohol at home by their well-meaning parents are far more likely to start drinking earlier and to binge-drink. Parents think that by doing it they reduce the risk of their children abusing alcohol when in fact it's exactly the opposite that is true.

I'm not a parent, but my advice to any parent is that if you find out that your child has started drinking, do not keep any alcohol in the house. Alcohol is like any other drug, and is particularly harmful to children.

That is a education that'll be a definite help to them. But discuss it with them first...

College is a place where they will eventually have to deal with that stuff, you should at least teach them to recognize it and avoid when needed

(December 28, 2014 at 12:47 am)Aractus Wrote: In a nutshell it's a bad idea. Studies, like this one, have consistently shown that children who are allowed to drink small amounts of alcohol at home by their well-meaning parents are far more likely to start drinking earlier and to binge-drink. Parents think that by doing it they reduce the risk of their children abusing alcohol when in fact it's exactly the opposite that is true.

I'm not a parent, but my advice to any parent is that if you find out that your child has started drinking, do not keep any alcohol in the house. Alcohol is like any other drug, and is particularly harmful to children.

I don't think that your study is relevant to 18 year old kids heading out to college where alcohol is easily available.

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(December 28, 2014 at 12:49 am)Aoi Magi Wrote: That is a education that'll be a definite help to them. But discuss it with them first...

College is a place where they will eventually have to deal with that stuff, you should at least teach them to recognize it and avoid when needed

Yes, the point is that they are likely to be handed a drink in college. I'd like them to know what that actually entails without going so far as to get them drunk. So many college drinks disguise the taste of alcohol rather well. I'd like like them to know how much they're getting and what that means.

Kinda hard to give kids an education in alcohol without discussing it though. . . The person I need to discuss it with before the child herself is her formerly tea-toddling father who now has a quarter glass of wine about once every two weeks. She's his too.

As long as they don't have an issue with it then they will be fine and could benefit from the experience. I have no idea. My dad condoned to my drinking before I was 18, but it had to be with him...ended up with a love/hate relationship with booze. Everyone is different.

(December 28, 2014 at 12:38 am)Jenny A Wrote: I have a daughter going off to college next fall. The drinking age is 21, but I remember college well enough to be pretty sure that being 18 won't be a barrier to drinking.

The thing is this. My parents drank at home and they let me try just about everything, so I had a pretty good idea about martinis, daiquiris, margaritas, rum and coke, mai tais, whiskey, brandy, scotch, wine, and beer from experience when I left home. I observed that the kids who had real trouble with liquor their first year in school were the ones trying alcohol for the first time.

My husband does not drink and I have wine and beer mostly with occasional spiked coffee in the winter. I've let the girls sip and mostly a sip is all they've wanted. The question is whether I should give my daughter a kind of tour of the hard stuff so she really knows how little it takes and how it can be disguised in various drinks. No, the idea is not to get her drunk, just educate her a little before she learns the hard way.

Good idea? Bad idea? Suggestions for how to go about it?

[I'm not sure where to put this topic, and if the mods think it's better elsewhere please move it.]

Yes you should get your girls prepared for the social life in college that includes drinking. I recommend teaching her all the variety of alcohol drinks and the benifits of being the sober one. You should also teach her how to become drunk once, and how to sober up afterwards.

I have nine years to go before dealing with that. Let me know how it goes. And good luck!

I've got mixed feelings about this issue, which I'll be confronting in a year myself -- but I lean towards familiarizing your daughter with the effects of alcohol. Not only can that help her avoid drunkeness itself, but it is a major line of defense against sexual assault. While you're doing that, teach her to stick to drinks she's watched being made, and to never take a drink from a stranger outside of a restaurant server.

I have no doubt you've inoculated her against peer pressure, but it couldn't hurt to reinforce that a bit, too.

(December 28, 2014 at 12:55 am)Jenny A Wrote: I don't think that your study is relevant to 18 year old kids heading out to college where alcohol is easily available.

I disagree, and the drinking age here is 18 - and I support raising it to 20 or 21.

(December 28, 2014 at 2:06 am)Aractus Wrote:

(December 28, 2014 at 12:55 am)Jenny A Wrote: I don't think that your study is relevant to 18 year old kids heading out to college where alcohol is easily available.

I disagree, and the drinking age here is 18 - and I support raising it to 20 or 21.

I gather you disagree about parents ever allow kids to drink at home, but your article really doesn't address drinking begun at 18. And I do know you mean very well.

But, regardless of the drinking age, which without the presence and permission of parents is 21 all over the U.S., college kids do have access to alcohol and mostly at parties. The question is how best to prepare her for that. I can't police it. That's the thing about kids growing up, they get to make their own choices. In fact they tend to make their own choices long before that. I can only set an example and provide an education.

So far, her choices appear to have been good ones.

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(December 28, 2014 at 2:06 am)Parkers Tan Wrote: I've got mixed feelings about this issue, which I'll be confronting in a year myself -- but I lean towards familiarizing your daughter with the effects of alcohol. Not only can that help her avoid drunkeness itself, but it is a major line of defense against sexual assault. While you're doing that, teach her to stick to drinks she's watched being made, and to never take a drink from a stranger outside of a restaurant server.

I have no doubt you've inoculated her against peer pressure, but it couldn't hurt to reinforce that a bit, too.

Obviously, I have mixed feelings too, or I wouldn't bother to ask for advice. And watching the drinks made is good advice. I really hope she doesn't ever drink where there may be a restaurant server until she is twenty-one, though she could probably pass as 25 given the right dress, makeup and companions. I could at her age. I had the embarrassing experience of being considered my father's date, on more than one occasion.

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(December 28, 2014 at 1:42 am)Exian Wrote: I have nine years to go before dealing with that. Let me know how it goes. And good luck!

I'd say I'd let you know, but absent really large problems, I may not know myself. That's the thing about sending kids out into the world. They're legally grownup, and they're a long ways away.

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(December 28, 2014 at 1:03 am)Elskidor Wrote: As long as they don't have an issue with it then they will be fine and could benefit from the experience. I have no idea. My dad condoned to my drinking before I was 18, but it had to be with him...ended up with a love/hate relationship with booze. Everyone is different.

Do you think your love/hate relationship would be any different if your dad hadn't let you drink with him? And did you drink without him anyway?