Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Jesster]

CIJS I am so amused when someone says they are offended by "naughty words" like fuck. I'm dedicating this post to everyone who has ever said that to me.







I'd say that got it out of my system, but we can never be too fucking sure.

[emjay]

What do you mean?

There's a problem with his dictionary I think

Nah. The difference is, introspection is self-examination with an eye to learning something about oneself, for whatever reason -- self-improvement, belly-button-gazing, whatever. You learn something new about yourself and move forward with it. But rumination, from the standpoint of the mindful person, is the continued regurgitation of feelings for more chewing. And especially when those feelings are of regret, guilt, and so on, such a practice makes it much easier to feast on the past even as you try to escape it.

The reason why that line is thin is clear -- because in order to be honest with ourselves, we have to examine events where we've wronged others, or where we were ourselves wronged. The introspective person will do that, get to the lesson, absorb it and move forward. The ruminant, on the other hand, will re-experience those feelings, and then swallow them again, thinking that they're done with them ... until the next bout of rumination.

Right... well I don't think I'm a particularly ruminating person by that description... so I would say I do fit the definition of introspective you've given. I don't constantly relive my past because when I analyse myself I do it as objectively as possible... even when I have to face harsh truths I still do it objectively rather emotionally. But I kind of understand what you mean... I am aware that in the past I thought I was making progress for many years but in hindsight I really wasn't... I was analysing but not growing... more interested in understanding myself than actually changing. So by analysing under that mindset all it really served was to keep my delusions alive... to keep them topped up and well fed. In fact that's kind of one of the delusions I feel I've debunked... leading to the knowledge now that all that work was for nought and I'd probably have been better off if I hadn't bothered. The difference now is that I'm outside of that... I'm no longer inside-looking-out, self-centred analysis... with its attendant blame focused outwards and unwillingness to face unpleasant truths about myself... now it's looking down on the big picture, giving all sides equal weight. Basically now all that drives me is wanting to understand the truth... not a comfortable truth (ie delusion)... but the full truth. And unlike before, I am willing and trying to change... putting whatever I learn to good use and really feeling like I'm growing, perhaps for the first time in my life, as a result.

[Thumpalumpacus]

That's the biggie, right there.

[Athene]

Thanks, Hammy.

I've gotta be at work in half an hour, though.
haha...I'll just not figure things out on my own. 

I'm okay, though.

I'm glad you're okay. Figure out what, huh?

Hey... enjoy your drive and enjoy your work (presuming you're driving there)

Whether or not my instincts can be trusted, regarding certain matters.
Mine seem to be a bit jumbled/broken these days. 

I've determined that there's really nothing to figure out, though. I just tend to overthink things, sometimes...especially in the wee hours.

[Joods]

CIJS

I am done. Given what I was just told, I stand zero chance of ever seeing my oldest again. I cannot handle this. I cannot grieve. I cannot get closure. And I cannot keep going on like this. I am tired of suffering.

[Excited Penguin]

CIJS

I am done. Given what I was just told, I stand zero chance of ever seeing my oldest again. I cannot handle this. I cannot grieve. I cannot get closure. And I cannot keep going on like this. I am tired of suffering.

I can't imagine what you must be going through, but just make sure you take care of yourself despite it. Take joy in your other children and don't beat yourself over something which is out of your control anyway, it won't do any good at all.

[Thumpalumpacus]

There's nothing I can say at a time like this except that I'm sorry for you, hon.

[emjay]

Yep, nothing I can say either except and *hugs*

[Athene]

CIJS

I am done. Given what I was just told, I stand zero chance of ever seeing my oldest again. I cannot handle this. I cannot grieve. I cannot get closure. And I cannot keep going on like this. I am tired of suffering.

I'm so sorry, Nymph. I can only imagine what it must be like to be separated from your baby for so long. I'd wager the fact that you have other children who also need you is probably the only thing allowing you to keep it together.

I hope things change for you somehow, someday.

[Joods]

Yes, my other kids are what keeps me going. But only just.