The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[Mystic]

Everyone attack Huggy, he's come in here so we change the topic against him!

[Shell B]

Let's talk about how the side of my face feels like it's being crushed by a giant troll hand.

[brewer]

Saving this to quote out of context Huggy style later on

That's a bald faced lie.

Everyone loves to claim their words were taken out of context when they come back to haunt them, but no one can ever explain in what way they were taken out of context...

My god but you're easy.

[Catholic_Lady]

Let's talk about how the side of my face feels like it's being crushed by a giant troll hand.

I'm sorry... 

My mom has peripheral neuropathy, my sister has multiple sclerosis, and my best friend has rheumatoid arthritis. Those autoimmune disease that plague women are nasty...
Have you figured out what your management care is going to be?

[Huggy Bear]

That's a bald faced lie.

Everyone loves to claim their words were taken out of context when they come back to haunt them, but no one can ever explain in what way they were taken out of context...

My god but you're easy.

Accusations of breaking the rules is where I draw the line; seeing how my account has already been sanctioned over false accusations of quoting someone out of context.

[J a c k]

Just a bit of perspective:

My little one is autistic and doesn’t like people. He doesn’t like people touching him or invading his space. He only likes his inner circle of family members. He HATES it when strangers make eye contact or speak directly to him. When people did this before, he’d scream, bite his arm, spit, pull his hair, hit his head against the wall. Since I can’t force the world to adapt to him, I have worked HARD to teach him to control his anxiety. With work and persistence, he learned to ignore people instead of having a meltdown. He will never be a social butterfly. I won’t ever expect him to wave to strangers, smile at them, and say bye like other kids do. I’m perfectly content with him ignoring people even if that makes him look rude and aloof. I find myself explaining ourselves to people that matter, and if after explaining they still try to hug him and kiss him, I don’t blame my son for raising his voice in panic and telling them to stop. I do, however, expect him to not hurt himself like he used to do. He has learned that I understand he has social anxiety and doesn’t like people, and he has also learned that certain behaviors are unacceptable. I let him be himself by letting him keep to himself and ignore people, but I do not allow him to bite himself or hit his head. His brother is allowed to play with him, but he knows better than to approach him when he’s having his alone time. If his brother breaks this code on purpose, I expect my little one to be angry and tell him to leave him alone. His brother must leave him alone. There is no hitting or biting allowed, though. No excuses. No buts.

Self control and accountability are things that everyone should practice to the best of their possibilities. Not doing so is irresponsible. While some things should be acceptable coming from someone with special needs, others can be understood, but not accepted. We all have things in which we can be better and putting that responsibility on others and not on ourselves is not ok. I have expectations from my son because I love him. It’s all because of love.

[emjay]

I don't see what good the blame game does here. It's just the nature of arguments that both sides say and do shit that they may regret, and that they both, in the heat of battle, misread each other or make assumptions etc about the other's motives. This site is not exactly the most calm place is it? Half the people here are angry half the time... myself included in that... and that's just a conservative estimate So tbh I don't see Hammy as any more angry than anyone else really, just more obsessively persistent about getting his point across when he does get angry.

ETA: this was not in response to Jack's post, who ninjad me, just to the thread in general.

[Mystic]

Just a bit of perspective:

My little one is autistic and doesn’t like people. He doesn’t like people touching him or invading his space. He only likes his inner circle of family members. He HATES it when strangers make eye contact or speak directly to him. When people did this before, he’d scream, bite his arm, spit, pull his hair, hit his head against the wall. Since I can’t force the world to adapt to him, I have worked HARD to teach him to control his anxiety. With work and persistence, he learned to ignore people instead of having a meltdown. He will never be a social butterfly. I won’t ever expect him to wave to strangers, smile at them, and say bye like other kids do. I’m perfectly content with him ignoring people even if that makes him look rude and aloof. I find myself explaining ourselves to people that matter, and if after explaining they still try to hug him and kiss him, I don’t blame my son for raising his voice in panic and telling them to stop. I do, however, expect him to not hurt himself like he used to do. He has learned that I understand he has social anxiety and doesn’t like people, and he has also learned that certain behaviors are unacceptable. I let him be himself by letting him keep to himself and ignore people, but I do not allow him to bite himself or hit his head. His brother is allowed to play with him, but he knows better than to approach him when he’s having his alone time. If his brother breaks this code on purpose, I expect my little one to be angry and tell him to leave him alone. His brother must leave him alone. There is no hitting or biting allowed, though. No excuses. No buts.

Self control and accountability are things that everyone should practice to the best of their possibilities. Not doing so is irresponsible. While some things should be acceptable coming from someone with special needs, others can be understood, but not accepted. We all have things in which we can be better and putting that responsibility on others and not on ourselves is not ok. I have expectations from my son because I love him. It’s all because of love.

This is going to seem out of place and probably even insensitive or rude, but I would never say never for anything.   You never know.  If you tell a person they can't change and all of society seems to agree with that notion, they will never change.

I swear I thought I was an introvert through and through and never thought I would enjoy people's company more then being alone for years.

I would be so silent around people when ever I gathered with them with my brother.

I don't know how to explain this, and I might seem insensitive, but I do believe truly the mind can be molded and remolded, you never know.

Sure as a child, he has these traits, but you never know. Do more research in untold stories of healing regarding all mental illnesses or conditions or states, or whatever you want to call it.

Are we ever destined to be in one state for ever. Are traits static?

Just throwing out there.  At a certain point in time, people with my illness were told never to try to work and certainly university would be out of the question.

Let's see what perspectives come about in the future and what can or cannot be changed in a human from a matter of will.

[ignoramus]

MJ. I see your point, but in Hammy's defence, when he insults people, by his own admission, he cannot feel or understand why it's insulting.

Our point is that it still a thread killer when he does it. And he carries his grievances over multiple threads.
He knows what he's doing. It is intentional. As Shell and Joods said: being on the spectrum does not manifest as asshole, unless you also want to come across as that. Which he chooses to. He's also on the NPD spectrum.

[KevinM1]

I don't see what good the blame game does here. It's just the nature of arguments that both sides say and do shit that they may regret, and that they both, in the heat of battle, misread each other or make assumptions etc about the other's motives. This site is not exactly the most calm place is it? Half the people here are angry half the time... myself included in that... and that's just a conservative estimate So tbh I don't see Hammy as any more angry than anyone else really, just more obsessively persistent about getting his point across when he does get angry.

ETA: this was not in response to Jack's post, who ninjad me, just to the thread in general.

The point isn't that Hammy is more or less angry than anyone else, it's that he goes from 0 to calling people cunts in about 1 second.  It's all about impulse control.  Having that filter that stops most people from making an absolute ass out of themselves.

And, listen, I get it - it's difficult for him.  He doesn't like tact because he feels it's dishonest.  But it's really not.  It's just restraint.  It's the thing that stops most people from simply reacting viscerally to social stimuli.  And, whether he likes it or not, he's going to need to learn how to employ some tact for his own survival.

I'm also surprised at how surprised and disappointed other people are about this whole situation.  Hammy is someone who repeatedly claimed to be brutally honest, and as someone who disliked tact.  How did you think this was going to end?

I think Hammy is a good guy deep inside, but he really needs to engage in honest self-reflection, not his typical "I thought about it, but you're wrong, and I'm going to tell you why, and I'm also not going to change my behavior because you're the one(s) that is/are wrong" response that he typically has.