Toxic masculinity and sexual assault

[Seraphina]

I had an argument with a guy on another forum who joked about going to parties and groping drunk girls.  I told him about a time I was at a party and a complete stranger just walked up and grabbed my tits with a huge smile on his face.

I responded with a knee to his balls.

Apparently I was a bitch for over reacting...

Part of me hopes that someone tries to grope my murderous daughters.   Not because I want them to have to deal with that....but because I want gropers to have to deal with with my murderous daughters.  I've taught them that they have an obligation to hurt gropers................bad.  Permanently bad.  Gropers gotta grope...I get that, but if so, they should find themselves groping the wrong fucking people.

That reminds me, I need to have another conversation with my own daughter as she's on the edge of puberty. She just got a cell phone and I gave her a speech about not texting photos of her body to boys who ask, even if they ask repeatedly - and they will. Hell, even grown men do that, I can only imagine what's happening with hormone-laden 15 year old boys. She said "if they do that, should I just block them?" Yup, she's got the right idea.

It's good for parents to talk to their daughters about this stuff but parents of sons also need to talk to their boys about how to behave towards girls/ women. I think a lot of people tend to forget or ignore that.

-Teresa

[The Grand Nudger]

If my sons disrespect females....I'll deal with it harshly....and as an embarrassment.

My daughters should be able to text any pic they want...full stop. I'm very serious about this. I have extremely pretty children. If one of them posts naked pics, someday... it's because they're pretty......its not an invitation.

[The Valkyrie]

If my sons disrespect females....I'll deal with it harshly....and as an embarrassment.

My daughters should be able to text any pic they want...full stop. I'm very serious about this. I have extremely pretty children. If one of them posts naked pics, someday... it's because they're pretty......its not an invitation.

I agree in principle with the last statement. The important thing is that they are aware of what CAN happen if they post those pics.

And no, posting nude pictures isn't an invitation. But the original comment wasn't about them posting or texting the pictures of their free will, I believe, but perhaps being pressured into doing it.

[The Grand Nudger]

Even if pressured...they own them.   Someone wants to give my girls shit...I hope they're willing to bet blood.  I've taught mine to be monsters..to be boogeygirls.

I've already had to have the talk at school. Fuck those assholes. My Dooser...lol. She likes to share pics on facebook. Ragged..in the am....shorts no shirt cuz it's hot. I'll hand her the knife, she knows what to do with it.

[Seraphina]

Even if pressured...they own them.   Someone wants to give my girls shit...I hope they're willing to bet blood.  I've taught mine to be monsters..to be boogeygirls.

I've already had to have the talk at school.   Fuck those assholes.

I'm going to diverge on that one. I pay for my kid's phone so I own it and its content. When she's an adult paying her own bills and paying for her phone, that point might hold more water.
Kids also need guidance including in their teen years. And, as an experienced woman... I know that if I'm not there to provide some guidance and advice, there are plenty of boys/ guys who are more than willing to hop right into that role with a young, smitten female. Boys who may not have my kid's best interest in mind.

-Teresa

[The Grand Nudger]

Even if pressured...they own them.   Someone wants to give my girls shit...I hope they're willing to bet blood.  I've taught mine to be monsters..to be boogeygirls.

I've already had to have the talk at school.   Fuck those assholes.

I'm going to diverge on that one. I pay for my kid's phone so I own it and its content. When she's an adult paying her own bills and paying for her phone, that point might hold more water.
Kids also need guidance including in their teen years. And, as an experienced woman... I know that if I'm not there to provide some guidance and advice, there are plenty of boys/ guys who are more than willing to hop right into that role with a young, smitten female. Boys who may not have my kid's best interest in mind.

-Teresa

I give mine guidance too......just a diff sort of guidance.  My girls will never hop into the role of the smitten female.  At least not that role as commonly envisioned.  My girls are boys.  That's the benefit of being Mr. Mom. I've taught my daughters to look for a man who affirms their agency...who want's what they want. Anything less is unacceptable and not a man.

[Rev. Rye]

Toxic Masculinity is certainly a major component into why sexual assault has become as huge a problem as it is, but I don't think it's the only factor if we're going to wonder why it happens.

To explain this, I'll tell you about a girl I used to work with at my college's Scene Shop. I say "girl" because that was generally her maturity level. She had an obsession with ducks (or "duckys" as she called them) at a level one rarely sees in women over the age of five. Half the time, she raised her pitch to sound like a small child, and I can recall hearing her call girlfriends "Mommy" on occasion. She was bisexual, of the type that wants one man to live with her, and as for women, ALL OF THEM. She liked going to titty bars, and also flirted with her female coworkers. A lot of the time, it was relatively harmless, but I can recall several times where it seemed to be crossing the line. One time, we were huddling around a stairway, waiting for the boss to give us an order, and I can recall at one point, seeing her grasping for another female coworker, and she seemed to be looking for an excuse to cop a feel from this female coworker, whether she wanted her to or not. I'm not sure if she went for the tits or ass (she may have done this on multiple occasions, and may very well have gone for either areas on separate incidents), but what I do remember is the other girl's look of terror, wondering who actually grabbed her. I wonder if she ever figured out it was the giggling girl standing behind her and looking for an excuse to do what she wanted to do. On another occasion, I heard her talking with another girl about getting topless in a car (bear in mind, by this time, she was actually the top student employee in the department). This coworker was visibly disturbed by this, cringing, but she just laughed it off, presumably playing this offer to get naked in a car off as a joke.

At the time, I thought of this as a weird and funny occurrence (especially given that she seemed to be open about her bisexuality to everyone but herself.) But now, after Harvey Weinstein turned out to be a total slimeball who raped several women and likely coerced others into doing what he wanted to do to them in exchange for possibly enhancing her career, now I start to wonder if that coworker who didn't want to get topless in a car with her might have suffered as a response. This could be reading a bit too much into it, but after looking at the Melanie Martinez accusation, I found myself realising: holy shit, if you replaced Melanie with this girl, probably the only things that would have changed are that when she's trying to butter up her conquest, she'd probably phrase it a bit more childlike, and Timothy Heller (the accuser) would probably have remarked about the rubber ducks staring at her as her friend violated her. At any rate, on her Facebook, there's a lot of stuff of her macking on her female friends (mostly in High School), and at one point, during an argument she says "fuck you" and one of her friends says "umm... please don't." A very strange thing to say.

Is that toxic masculinity at work? For this girl? Perhaps in this case, and perhaps in others, solipsism is a major factor; she didn't seem to particularly factor her girlfriends' potential reactions into whether or not she should do it. And maybe that solipsism is a big crucial factor in how toxic masculinity works (and how it enables men to just do whatever they want and not give a shit what the girl in question wants.)

[The Grand Nudger]

[Seraphina]

I'm going to diverge on that one. I pay for my kid's phone so I own it and its content. When she's an adult paying her own bills and paying for her phone, that point might hold more water.
Kids also need guidance including in their teen years. And, as an experienced woman... I know that if I'm not there to provide some guidance and advice, there are plenty of boys/ guys who are more than willing to hop right into that role with a young, smitten female. Boys who may not have my kid's best interest in mind.

-Teresa

I give mine guidance too......just a diff sort of guidance.  My girls will never hop into the role of the smitten female.  At least not that role as commonly envisioned.  My girls are boys.  That's the benefit of being Mr. Mom. I've taught my daughters to look for a man who affirms their agency...who want's what they want.  Anything less is unacceptable and not a man.

Cool. Every dad should teach their girls that.

-Teresa

[The Grand Nudger]

Right?  Fuck em...and shiv em if they don't agree!  My daughters are princesses...."step on your neck" kind of princesses! All of you should just practice deferring to Momo......it's her boot. You'll all feel it.