Supporting Family Members Financially

[EgoDeath]

I love to help, but I have many criteria, so to speak. I flat-out won’t lend money to many family members. Others, I would help without hesitation. Others still, I would rather purchase necessities for than give cash.

Is this due to some personal family dynamic, or do you have another reason for the rule regarding not lending money to family?

In my case, I didn't lend the money because I never expected to see it back. So I just said take it.

[Shell B]

There are lots of reasons, but it usually boils down to whether they need it because they’re lazy assholes or because they have legit circumstances. Also, their attitude about borrowing money plays a role.

[brewer]

While we're on the subject of finances and family, I have a rule that I don't do business with family or friends. Not the car salesman, accountant or the FFL dealer. 

If/when things go bad it tends to ruin relationships.

[Shell B]

I’ve been very lucky doing business with family members. I have a great many professionals in my family. We help each other out a lot.

[EgoDeath]

While we're on the subject of finances and family, I have a rule that I don't do business with family or friends. Not the car salesman, accountant or the FFL dealer. 

If/when things go bad it tends to ruin relationships.

I agree. My brother once lied to me in a business deal. Basically, the deal was that I was going to buy this thing I was selling back from him at a later date, because I needed the asset and never wanted to sell it in the first place. Without shame, he completely made up the story about why he needed it in the first place, but I didn't find out that he made the story up until later. What's more is he totally lied to my face after the deal was done, claiming he never made the agreement to sell me the asset back at a later date.

He still insists that the story he made up was true, despite me finding out that it was false. And to this day, he still claims he never made such an agreement about selling it back to me. He refuses to sell me back what is rightfully mine.

Ever since, I've decided I'll never put money in, or take money from my brother's hands again unless it's absolutely necessary. It would literally have to be a life or death scenario. Outside of that, I'll never do business with my brother again.

However, I once loaned money to my father (though I considered it a gift, he insisted he would pay the money back). To my surprise, he actually did repay me. This strengthened the trust between my dad and I.

[LastPoet]

While we're on the subject of finances and family, I have a rule that I don't do business with family or friends. Not the car salesman, accountant or the FFL dealer. 

If/when things go bad it tends to ruin relationships.

In Portugal we have a proverb that goes something like this: want to lose a friend? Lend it money.

@EgoDeath : I gave 6K to my dad to help him pay a debt he had to the IRS some 15 years ago. Meh, after stopping drugs I went work-home routine to avoid relapses and had some cash in the bank.

I did the right thing. He cleaned up his act and that is enough pay for me.

[EgoDeath]

While we're on the subject of finances and family, I have a rule that I don't do business with family or friends. Not the car salesman, accountant or the FFL dealer. 

If/when things go bad it tends to ruin relationships.

In Portugal we have a proverb that goes something like this: want to lose a friend? Lend it money.

@EgoDeath : I gave 6K to my dad to help him pay a debt he had to the IRS some 15 years ago. Meh, after stopping drugs I went work-home routine to avoid relapses and had some cash in the bank.

I did the right thing. He cleaned up his act and that is enough pay for me.

So, you had a drug problem and he had the money problem?  Ironic!

LOL but in all seriousness, glad to hear it worked out.

[no one]

Perhaps I missed it, has this person ever given you a reason to doubt them? If the haven't you might be worrying about an issue that will never arise. Not to say that your question isn't a genuine concern. But it just might be a concern you actually have no reason to concern yourself with.

[LastPoet]

So, you had a drug problem and he had the money problem?  Ironic!

LOL but in all seriousness, glad to hear it worked out.

I was on recovery, since my circle of friends were made of drug users and dealers, I kinda went hermit, home->work->home->work, so I saved some money. Heh, the old man spent like 1k everyday going on hookers (yep, at eleven I was with a naked woman, he took me) and their overpriced beverages while the business was hot. He forgot to pay to the IRS amidst all that, so I had the money to do that, In the end I got what I asked for. He became a helicopter dad to my 25 year difference bro, started a new life and become useful, finally the dad I hadn't growing up. I did the right thing IMHO.

[EgoDeath]

I was on recovery, since my circle of friends were made of drug users and dealers, I kinda went hermit, home->work->home->work, so I saved some money. Heh, the old man spent like 1k everyday going on hookers (yep, at eleven I was with a naked woman, he took me) and their overpriced beverages while the business was hot. He forgot to pay to the IRS amidst all that, so I had the money to do that, In the end I got what I asked for. He became a helicopter dad to my 25 year difference bro, started a new life and become useful, finally the dad I hadn't growing up. I did the right thing IMHO.

If what you did lead to your dad getting his shit together, then I'd agree: him repaying the loan isn't necessary. Just seeing the improvement in his life, and thereby his mental health, is enough.

You still sober?