Love is intrinsically selfish

[Epimethean]

One of those dialogues that doesn't seem to offer much benefit to either side.

[Shell B]

I think the OP is true, most of the time, whether people want to admit it or not. However, there are times when it is not. For example, there are moments when a person must act quickly, without thinking. In many cases, there is not time to think even on what you are about to do when you are helping someone. In cases such as those, there is no denying the altruism behind the act.

(Sociopaths do not help others for no reason. It is kind of part of the definition of sociopath.)

[Ace Otana]

To the OP, very bloody didly ,doodly, buggery true. Lots of young people over here only have kids for the sake of themselves. Peer pressure, benefits and getting a place of your own far sooner. No body really thinks about the kids. Most who get pregnant around here aren't even prepared. No stable relationship or income. Just bang! Kid! Peer pressure satisfied as well as taking advantage. There maybe other reasons but selfish none the less.

[thesummerqueen]

And unrequited love? To get nothing back for what you feel but you love that person anyway? I think we'd have to define which kind of love we're talking about as to whether it's selfish.

Empathy, while not selfish, isn't necessarily the unselfish emotion I'd use for an example though. Empathy is merely a tool to help you relate to someone. I'd rather say compassion is the key.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

And unrequited love? To get nothing back for what you feel but you love that person anyway?

I consider unrequited love is an utterly selfish obsession ; it's about one's own feelings,not those of the 'beloved'. Unselfish love would accept the lack of interest and move on,accepting that their happiness is as important as one's own. (not more,but not less either) Lest you think I'm being harsh; I currently "pine from unrequited love"-----on the other hand,the self absorbed obsession may just be my pathology,not a general principle.


I think you're right about compassion;my understanding is that compassion is NOT an emotion. Empathy most certainly IS an emotion as far as I can tell.It is to understand internally,what another feels.

[5thHorseman]

I love my OH likely for more selfish reasons, I love my son for entirely non selfish reasons and have and will continur to do things for him that help him even if they hurt or impede me.

2 different types of love.

The second is undescribable

[Violet]

Empathy is selfless. Love is selfish.

You appear to imply that selfishness is a negative value. How does something being selfish reduce its value? Certainly hoarding can be a bad thing... as can greed... but both of these can have profoundly good impacts at times. And I would dispute the nonselfishness of empathy while love is selfish. How is hatred (generally considered an opposite to love) selfish? You tell me, because I don't see it.

Everything you value has been valued individually (by you). We all possess a perspective unique to ourselves. I simply don't care if what I do (and what I want) is right or wrong by others' judgements: I'm doing it anyway.

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(Sociopaths do not help others for no reason. It is kind of part of the definition of sociopath.)

I imagine most people here consider me a sociopath.

And when I do help people for no reason: I don't give a shit what happens after my assistance (or generosity). I'm rather whimsical ^_^ I give people bunnies and lunch and money and help and forget about them until I meet them again. ^_^

Really... I see no reason sociopaths must be all of one stock (hoarding). I can under many less exclusive definitions be a sociopath that shares. I'm apathetic to anything that doesn't affect me... regardless of whether I randomly help people out or not. I certainly don't care about those people I help out, and I usually don't care about the way in which I do help them out. It's a mood thing

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The second is undescribable

I can describe it.

Obsession and intense concern over the well-being, happiness, safety, and mood of something/someone that you value more than yourself.

That isn't to say my description does it enough justice

[Epimethean]

Sae, sometimes you are truly beautiful.

[Angrboda]

I think, though being a bit tipsy, am unsure, that egoism doesn't pre-suppose the notion that you can choose to be egoistic or not. If there is no such choice, then egoism collapses into meaninglessness. It is akin to people who object to the idea of the selfish gene because they view selfishness as immoral. The gene is only selfish in a purely mathematical, stochastic sense, and humans are only egoistic in the sense that they might be otherwise; if this sense does not exist, your notion is an idea without sense or meaning, or, value -- or practical use.

[houseofcantor]

Not just no, but Hell No!

Love is unconditional. "I" is the conditional of "I love" that gets them two terms in a whole buncha stuff. "I" is always a selfish consideration. The term "selflessness" is meaningless, Buddhist psychobabble in my book; for peeps who think they're on a higher plane that us blue collar types. I ain't buying it. That plane ain't got no wings.

From experience, I love Gwyneth Paltrow. Hopefully, she doesn't know that; but boy, everybody else does. I get up to all kinds of "self-defeating selflessness" because of it. Who did the defeating of the self? I. Case closed.