An Interesting Commentary on Gaslighting Women

[thesummerqueen]

Women also do many of those things, Cin, although that's a brilliant example of how men can be quite in touch with their emotions - the artistry part, that is.

Though I have to disagree with the everyday expression. I've never run across a woman who couldn't tell me what was wrong. I do regularly come across men who WON'T.

[Shell B]

If a woman won't tell you what is wrong, it is either because she is suffering depression and doesn't know it or she doesn't want to tell you what is wrong.

[Cinjin]

Women also do many of those things, Cin, although that's a brilliant example of how men can be quite in touch with their emotions - the artistry part, that is.

Though I have to disagree with the everyday expression. I've never run across a woman who couldn't tell me what was wrong. I do regularly come across men who WON'T.

Absolutely. Many women have created brilliant and moving pieces of art ... whether by pen, brush, note, or otherwise, but credit should be given where credit is due and although I don't have the statistics (nor am I concerned, as it is not a competition to me), I believe men hold the majority where great works of art, music and literature are concerned.

My only point here is that, often we hear the pigeon hole of: Men = not emotional, no understanding of such matters. Women = overly emotional, no understanding of things logical.

You and I both know that these are not true and I think men and women are a lot closer on the emotional spectrum than many would like to believe.

---

If a woman won't tell you what is wrong, it is either because she is suffering depression and doesn't know it or she doesn't want to tell you what is wrong.

well, you're a woman, so you're going to have far more authority on the matter, but in my personal experience, I have had many women say those words to me.

Maybe I'm just not someone that a woman would want to open up to.

[thesummerqueen]

You and I both know that these are not true and I think men and women are a lot closer on the emotional spectrum than many would like to believe.

Absolutely.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Maybe I'm just not someone that a woman would want to open up to.

I'm not entirely convinced you meant that the way it came out.


Trust is not just a female thing. We tend to trust instinctively ,often with quite nasty results.

Getting people generally to trust you entails a skills-set,which is not all that hard to learn. (I was a Lifeline counsellor for a couple of years)

[Cinjin]

I'm not entirely convinced you meant that the way it came out.

lol ... everybody's a smart ass

Trust is not just a female thing. We tend to trust instinctively ,often with quite nasty results.

Getting people generally to trust you entails a skills-set,which is not all that hard to learn. (I was a Lifeline counsellor for a couple of years)

Admittedly, you may be on to something.
I do tend to keep real people at arms length. In my defense of this, it's simply because I find most people to be superbly stupid.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

it's simply because I find most people to be superbly stupid.

Unless you have an IQ in the genius range,that is a demonstrably false belief. It actually says far more about you than others

THAT was the PC answer.

The honest answer; So do I. In fact,I'm a genuine misanthrope: I love and cherish a small,rarified list of people.As a species I consider,human beings to be aggressive, greedy,stupid and self destructive animals.Our extinction will have a positive effect on planet and many other species.

I should also mention that I also have the social skills of a comatose chicken,and the direct empathy of an eggplant. I AM capable of experiential empathy.

[Jackalope]

If a woman won't tell you what is wrong, it is either because she is suffering depression and doesn't know it or she doesn't want to tell you what is wrong.

I suspect this is largely true of men as well, though the motivation for not wanting to is likely different.

---

it's simply because I find most people to be superbly stupid.

Unless you have an IQ in the genius range,that is a demonstrably false belief. It actually says far more about you than others

I realize that was slightly tongue-in-cheek - but I know where Cinjin is coming from (and based on his interactions here, I suspect that his IQ is in the superior range [though I bet he's too modest to admit it]). I prefer not to characterize such people as stupid however.

I can't relate on an intellectual level with most people - my observation is that the average person doesn't think on more than an superficial level. Most of the people I associate with voluntarily are of above average intelligence (some exceptional). It isn't that I wouldn't like to relate to most people, I actually would - but most mundane conversation doesn't really hold my interest. When you don't have anything in common to talk about (at an intellectually stimulating level), it makes it hard.

It's not always a question of intelligence either, oftentimes it's a matter of education / knowledge / interest. I don't have much interest in talking sports, what's on TV, or popular culture - and it seems that for most people, that's where their interest lies.

On the other hand, I do know people who are in most ways quite average, but have shared interests where their knowledge or ability stands above the crowd, and with respect to those shared interests, I can relate well. One of my best friends doesn't have a excess of intellectual capacity (that's my nod to PC for the day), but I'd trust him with my life, he has superior "common sense", and is interested in intellectual topics even though he lacks the capacity to understand them fully.

It's the logic-challenged and willfully ignorant that get me. That, and those that are walking, breathing examples of wishful thinking and confirmation bias that really get to me.

On the other other hand, I find a lot of people in the superior and gifted intelligence range to be unbearable. Groups like Mensa don't appeal to me for this reason.

---

Though I have to disagree with the everyday expression. I've never run across a woman who couldn't tell me what was wrong. I do regularly come across men who WON'T.

Yep, men can be like that. I think that traditionally, men have been conditioned to be tough and stoic. Which is bullshit, of course - men are no different than women in that they have emotional needs, and it's awfully hard to express them when you've been conditioned to keep it bottled up.

Overcoming this has been personally difficult - I've spend a lot of time in therapy to learn to be in touch with my emotional self. Although I have always been a deeply emotional person, it was never comfortable to me and I learned to repress my emotions. I don't recommend doing that, BTW - it's incredibly harmful in the long run. I could write a lot more here, but in the interests of not derailing the thread, I'll save it for now. Suffice it to say that life is a lot better (and easier) when you're on good terms with your emotional identity.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

I prefer not to characterize such people as stupid however.

Why on earth not,if they are?

I'm aware that usually, when I say drongo/dill/stupid/moron/cretin/idiot/imbecile/neanderthal/troglodyte I actually mean 'ignoramus' or am simply responding to some person who has had the audacity to disagree with me.

[james john]

There is a lot of perception according to best health and best life so we will remind a best thoughts and maintain a best standard in life so we will get a best role and be supportive in all matters gaining best role.