6 proofs that Satan is the winning the war against God (humor)
May 9, 2013 at 6:02 pm
(This post was last modified: May 9, 2013 at 6:50 pm by smax.)
I can't help but feel as if the devil has proven himself to have superior wit and intellect than even god himself. I mean, god's so stupid and naive that he allowed the devil to be around his children during a stage of critical development. Meanwhile, the devil foils the whole plan in just a matter of minutes.
It's now clear to me why the devil got himself kicked out of heaven: he wanted out. In heaven, he was just the key pawn in heaven's hell of constant godly worship. In getting booted, however, he got to start playing the ultimate game of chess against god, and has obviously been kicking his ass ever since. Don't think so? Here is some proof:
#1. The fall of man. Satan orchestrated this with relative ease, taking full advantage of god's naivety and stupidity.
#2. The Job bet. Many might think that god won this bet because of the fact that Job didn't curse god, but the real winner is the devil for coaxing god into a petty bet in the first place. A bet that cost Job all of his sons and daughters, his property, and a significant period of humiliation and physical suffering.
#3. The tempting of Christ. While Jesus did not give in to any of the temptation, he was made to look like a fool during which. Satan took Jesus to a very high mountain and showed Jesus all the kingdoms of the world, saying "All these things I will give you if you fall down and do an act of worship to me" Jesus refused, but he may not have noticed Satan laughing hysterically at the same time while thinking: "The world is round, you idiot! You really are a chip off the old block! LOL" ...... Yes, people, Satan thinks in text lingo.
#4. Christ's Crucifixion. The whole time Jesus is suffering, Satan is there thinking: "All of this because I got some woman to take a bite out of an apple!?!? I've got to get my phone and take some pictures of this. This is too good to be true! The old man has finally lost it!"
#5. Christ's death and resurrection. The truth is, Jesus wasn't really capable of rising from the dead. However, during Jesus death, he went to hell (probably because he looked at god wrong or something stupid). During his stay, however, he quickly wore out his welcome with all of his self-sacrificial non-sense. He wanted the people down there to stop partying and start fasting and repenting. Eventually, enough people complained and Satan finally told Jesus, "Hey, dude, I gotta let you go, man. You are really fucking up the fun vibe down here, and I put a lot of work into this place to ensure it's nothing like the hell your dad call's heaven."
#6. Eternal suffering. At some point, Satan (or Lucifer) figured out that he could have the benefit of eternal life without the mental suffering of constant godly worship. All he had to do was offend god, something apparently none of the other angels were smart enough to figure out. A third of them, however, loved the idea and immediately joined him. At that point, Satan was like, "Only a third of you, fellas? Really?........ Alrighty then!"
It's now clear to me why the devil got himself kicked out of heaven: he wanted out. In heaven, he was just the key pawn in heaven's hell of constant godly worship. In getting booted, however, he got to start playing the ultimate game of chess against god, and has obviously been kicking his ass ever since. Don't think so? Here is some proof:
#1. The fall of man. Satan orchestrated this with relative ease, taking full advantage of god's naivety and stupidity.
#2. The Job bet. Many might think that god won this bet because of the fact that Job didn't curse god, but the real winner is the devil for coaxing god into a petty bet in the first place. A bet that cost Job all of his sons and daughters, his property, and a significant period of humiliation and physical suffering.
#3. The tempting of Christ. While Jesus did not give in to any of the temptation, he was made to look like a fool during which. Satan took Jesus to a very high mountain and showed Jesus all the kingdoms of the world, saying "All these things I will give you if you fall down and do an act of worship to me" Jesus refused, but he may not have noticed Satan laughing hysterically at the same time while thinking: "The world is round, you idiot! You really are a chip off the old block! LOL" ...... Yes, people, Satan thinks in text lingo.
#4. Christ's Crucifixion. The whole time Jesus is suffering, Satan is there thinking: "All of this because I got some woman to take a bite out of an apple!?!? I've got to get my phone and take some pictures of this. This is too good to be true! The old man has finally lost it!"
#5. Christ's death and resurrection. The truth is, Jesus wasn't really capable of rising from the dead. However, during Jesus death, he went to hell (probably because he looked at god wrong or something stupid). During his stay, however, he quickly wore out his welcome with all of his self-sacrificial non-sense. He wanted the people down there to stop partying and start fasting and repenting. Eventually, enough people complained and Satan finally told Jesus, "Hey, dude, I gotta let you go, man. You are really fucking up the fun vibe down here, and I put a lot of work into this place to ensure it's nothing like the hell your dad call's heaven."
#6. Eternal suffering. At some point, Satan (or Lucifer) figured out that he could have the benefit of eternal life without the mental suffering of constant godly worship. All he had to do was offend god, something apparently none of the other angels were smart enough to figure out. A third of them, however, loved the idea and immediately joined him. At that point, Satan was like, "Only a third of you, fellas? Really?........ Alrighty then!"
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