Atheism and forgiveness

[*Deidre*]

A few years ago, I gradually started departing from my Christian beliefs. I never really chose a position though, so to speak. Now, I consider myself atheist agnostic. My question is, for those here who are atheists or atheist agnostic, how do you deal with the issue of forgiveness? Christianity teaches to always be forgiving people who hurt you. To a fault. I accepted so many people into my life who hurt me over and over, and I look back and they didn't deserve my forgiveness or friendship. Now that I don't follow any religion, I don't know how to really view the act of forgiveness anymore? I believe that it is necessary for our own growth and to release ourselves from harboring resentment. But beyond that, does everyone deserve our forgiveness?

Just wondering how some of you view forgiveness?

[KichigaiNeko]

You forgive yourself and NEVER forget who hurt you and then LEARN and move on.

[Minimalist]

Christianity teaches to always be forgiving people who hurt you.

I don't care what it "teaches." Ever listen to some of these miserable twats around here. They salivate thinking of their enemies burning in hell for eternity.

Some "forgiveness."

[*Deidre*]

You forgive yourself and NEVER forget who hurt you and then LEARN and move on.

Thank you for this -- it is great advice! Forgiving myself is hardest of all sometimes.

Christianity teaches to always be forgiving people who hurt you.

I don't care what it "teaches." Ever listen to some of these miserable twats around here. They salivate thinking of their enemies burning in hell for eternity.

Some "forgiveness."

lol! Yup, true that.
One of the greatest contradictions of Christianity is that it teaches how God is always forgiving and wants us to forgive. But, in the same breath, he is sending people to hell who simply don't believe he exists? I should rephrase that then. I interpreted Christianity to be a faith about forgiveness but as I say above--to a fault.

[Angrboda]

Just spitballing here. I would suggest there is an aspect of forgiveness which derives from compassion; we forgive even those not fully deserving, because we recognize and acknowledge both their and our limits as human beings. Again, just unwinding a thread, if forgiveness is a sort of 'sewing closed' the rips in the fabric of our lives, we recognize that the fabric will never be the same as it was before, and that the new threads which seal the hole are from us. But it is better than living with the holes.

I'll have to give this some thought. They say that the three jewels of Taoism are compassion, humility, and moderation. I've never been particularly good on the compassion part, so, perhaps for me, forgiveness is more having the patience to wait for the ripples to still, and the calm stillness of the surface to reassert itself.

"I have alway found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice."
Abraham Lincoln

"What do I mean by accept disgrace willingly?
Accept being unimportant."
Laozi

[*Deidre*]

Just spitballing here. I would suggest there is an aspect of forgiveness which derives from compassion; we forgive even those not fully deserving, because we recognize and acknowledge both their and our limits as human beings. Again, just unwinding a thread, if forgiveness is a sort of 'sewing closed' the rips in the fabric of our lives, we recognize that the fabric will never be the same as it was before, and that the new threads which seal the hole are from us. But it is better than living with the holes.

I'll have to give this some thought. They say that the three jewels of Taoism are compassion, humility, and moderation. I've never been particularly good on the compassion part, so, perhaps for me, forgiveness is more having the patience to wait for the ripples to still, and the calm stillness of the surface to reassert itself.

"I have alway found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice."
Abraham Lincoln

"What do I mean by accept disgrace willingly?
Accept being unimportant."
Laozi

I'm completely blown away by your comment. I've never thought of forgiveness in these terms. "It's better than living with the holes."

Choked up and just feeling grateful for your reply. It is something I will remember the next time I feel like being stingy with my own compassion towards someone who hurts me. Thank you.

[Kayenneh]

I think that Kichi and Apo hit their heads on the nail.
To me forgiveness is not so much as actually forgiving, but understanding what the other party's motivations are. In context, I worked for some years as a nurse and I knew from the very beginning that I would come across people I didn't like, didn't agree with their point of view or even worse, have done something criminal. My initial reaction would of course be to get the hell away from such people, but you can't do that when you're working. So instead I tried to understand what events would lead another human being to be in such a position, accept that not everyone would make the same decisions I would and even that criminals are human beings. When I was working with my patients everyone was of equal worth, no matter what their history might have been.
Though, on the topic of people hurting you over and over, some relationships are not healthy and sometimes it's just best not to keep in contact anymore (at least until they can with actions show you that they won't hurt again, words don't matter much in this case). You can forgive, but don't be naïve. Getting hurt falls in the same category for me as getting offended, you decide if an action or a phrase can get to you (though I don't think it's a green light for others to treat you anyway they like without regard of how you take it). Forgiveness should not be something you have to give either, it should be somehow earned by the other party.

(Did that make any sense at all..?)

[KichigaiNeko]

I think that Kichi and Apo hit their heads on the nail.

We did?

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[max-greece]

Forgiveness is fine - letting them do it to you again - that's dumb.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I can forgive something quite easily, but some of the wrongs done me are utterly unforgivable.

When the clerk at the shop short-changes me - forgiven.

When the postman drops some of my mail outside the letter box and it falls to the ground - forgiven.

The planners and operators of the Remembrance Day Bombing - I hope they die horrible, shrieking deaths, preferably while being skinned alive with a rusty file.

Boru