Atheism and OCD

[darthbarracuda]

I've been an atheist for around a year now, and lately I've had some major issues with my OCD.

Okay, so I've never actually been diagnosed with OCD by a professional; it's more of a self-diagnosis, but I have a bunch of weird habits and I obsess of things. When I say obsess, I mean obsess about things. I freak myself out and then the worst part comes, I begin to doubt my own convictions, to the point of irrationality.

What if I am wrong. What if there is a god who is named YHWH and really does want a relationship with me. What if I'm just missing something. That one puzzle piece that would make everything make sense.

I'll play devil's advocate and look at the theistic arguments and apologetics and try to put myself in their shoes, and it all goes downhill. Suddenly I feel like thinking rationally is a bad thing, that faith is a good thing, that we just have the "believe" and "accept" and it will all be fine. That god has it all in control.

One of the biggest things that bothers me is that I wonder if there's answers out there to atheistic arguments, ones that would destroy atheism. I just haven't come across it yet. All my arguments against Christianity are actually moot, and there's answers for them all. Or that maybe in like 30 years I'll get some crazy divine revelation and suddenly convert and become a Christian.

I can't get this off my mind, no matter what I do. I try going for a run and feel the breeze on my face and then my mind starts telling me that it's the "breath of god" or some shit like that. Ooo how the world is so pretty praise Jesus and whatnot.

And if I stop looking at theistic arguments my mind tells me that's cognitive dissonance....that I know god exists but don't want to worship him. It's so confusing and I don't know what I believe, let alone know.

It's like I can't seem to shrug the emotional lens of Christianity off me. It keeps me from feeling good about being an atheist. I feel guilty instead, like I should be doing something to honor god.

Well why would god even want glory, my rational mind asks me, but is quickly taken over by irrational thoughts, like maybe there's an explanation for it. Maybe god wanting glory and worship isn't bad. Maybe it isn't egocentric. He is god, right?

It's insanity.

[Confused Ape]

What if there is a god who is named YHWH and really does want a relationship with me.

What if there's a god named Apollo or Odin or Quetzalcoatl or Ra? What if there's a Goddess named Gaia or Isis or Cerridwen?

I'll play devil's advocate and look at the theistic arguments and apologetics and try to put myself in their shoes, and it all goes downhill. Suddenly I feel like thinking rationally is a bad thing, that faith is a good thing, that we just have the "believe" and "accept" and it will all be fine. That god has it all in control.

What if the Norse gods have it all in control? Or the Celtic gods?

And if I stop looking at theistic arguments my mind tells me that's cognitive dissonance....that I know god exists but don't want to worship him. It's so confusing and I don't know what I believe, let alone know.

Just remind yourself that if you'd been born in India to Hindu parents you'd be an atheist who used to believe in the Hindu deities.

[darthbarracuda]

What if there is a god who is named YHWH and really does want a relationship with me.

What if there's a god named Apollo or Odin or Quetzalcoatl or Ra? What if there's a Goddess named Gaia or Isis or Cerridwen?

I'll play devil's advocate and look at the theistic arguments and apologetics and try to put myself in their shoes, and it all goes downhill. Suddenly I feel like thinking rationally is a bad thing, that faith is a good thing, that we just have the "believe" and "accept" and it will all be fine. That god has it all in control.

What if the Norse gods have it all in control? Or the Celtic gods?

And if I stop looking at theistic arguments my mind tells me that's cognitive dissonance....that I know god exists but don't want to worship him. It's so confusing and I don't know what I believe, let alone know.

Just remind yourself that if you'd been born in India to Hindu parents you'd be an atheist who used to believe in the Hindu deities.

I guess a lot of this is that so many people believe in god, specifically YHWH. There's so much literature and philosophy surrounding it. Who am I, a teenage kid, to disregard everything that has been said about it?

[Jackalope]

Who am I, a teenage kid, to disregard everything that has been said about it?

A sapient being with the capacity to reason.

[Faith No More]

I guess a lot of this is that so many people believe in god, specifically YHWH. There's so much literature and philosophy surrounding it. Who am I, a teenage kid, to disregard everything that has been said about it?

When you try to understand human beings and their motivations, you'll see that we're not the rational beings we beleive ourselves to be, and relying on what others believe to inform your own belief is the worst thing you can do. As a whole, we're superstitious morons, so what "so many people believe" does not automatically need to be considered.

The fact is that the literature and philosphy surrounding Jesus aren't creating philosophical worldviews from the ground up. They are desperate attempts at justifying preconceived beliefs. When one truly examines the world around us and attempts to compile a working model from the ground up, Jesus is nowhere to be seen.

[Confused Ape]

I guess a lot of this is that so many people believe in god, specifically YHWH.

The majority of humans who have ever lived didn't believe in YHWH. Umpteen millions of people alive today don't believe in him.

If there really is a god why haven't all humans in every time and place believed in the same one? I was about 8 years old when I became interested in mythology and other religions - it didn't take long before I realised I didn't believe in any of them because nobody could agree about who the deities were and what they wanted.

There's so much literature and philosophy surrounding it.

All it proves is that many humans have thought about it a lot and written their thoughts down. Thinking about and writing about something doesn't automatically make it true, though.

Who am I, a teenage kid, to disregard everything that has been said about it?

What does age have to do with it?

[Simon Moon]

What if I am wrong. What if there is a god who is named YHWH and really does want a relationship with me. What if I'm just missing something. That one puzzle piece that would make everything make sense.

While you were a Christian, how much time did you spend worrying about all the other hells and gods you didn't believe in?

I'll play devil's advocate and look at the theistic arguments and apologetics and try to put myself in their shoes, and it all goes downhill. Suddenly I feel like thinking rationally is a bad thing, that faith is a good thing, that we just have the "believe" and "accept" and it will all be fine. That god has it all in control.

All their arguments fail. Logic, history, science do not support them.

How is faith a good thing?

One of the biggest things that bothers me is that I wonder if there's answers out there to atheistic arguments, ones that would destroy atheism. I just haven't come across it yet. All my arguments against Christianity are actually moot, and there's answers for them all. Or that maybe in like 30 years I'll get some crazy divine revelation and suddenly convert and become a Christian.

Theists have been trying to prove the existence of their gods for 1000's of years. All their arguments have been refuted. They have not offered anything new, so there is nothing new to refute.

Christians do not have answers for the all the problems with their unsupported beliefs. They have rationalizations and excuses. Just because they say them with authority, and important sounding words wrapped in important sounding arguments, doesn't mean they're actually answering them.

How do you know you won't get a crazy divine revelation in 30 years and become a Muslim or a Hindu?

Why are you only worried about Christianity?

I feel bad you are going through this. I'm sure you are not alone.

Just keep researching why theist arguments fail. Read books on how Christianity actually started. Not the story that Christians tell.

[Rampant.A.I.]

OCD is a symptomatic of stress, and in fact the rituals associated with OCD are the beginnings of generically religious thought. Do a ritual, stress level goes down. Repeat. Codify into beliefs and eventually dogmas.

There's nothing wrong with you. Everyone goes through stress, especially as a teenager with hormone spikes.

The guilt and fear you're feeling isn't rational, but it is normal. It's difficult to not be able to, or feel like you can't admit that you do not believe in the same things many people around you do, knowing that if you do, they'll treat you like there is something wrong with you.

And remember, faith in yourself, and that you will get through whatever life throws your way, knowing that not everything is the end of the world, and knowing there is something larger outside yourself (other people, an enormous, complex, naturally beautiful universe, and a beautiful planet even with the rough patches, warts and sores), and that no matter how hopeless and desperate you feel, things can always get better.

[darthbarracuda]

OCD is a symptomatic of stress, and in fact the rituals associated with OCD are the beginnings of generically religious thought. Do a ritual, stress level goes down. Repeat. Codify into beliefs and eventually dogmas.

There's nothing wrong with you. Everyone goes through stress, especially as a teenager with hormone spikes.

The guilt and fear you're feeling isn't rational, but it is normal. It's difficult to not be able to, or feel like you can't admit that you do not believe in the same things many people around you do, knowing that if you do, they'll treat you like there is something wrong with you.

And remember, faith in yourself, and that you will get through whatever life throws your way, knowing that not everything is the end of the world, and knowing there is something larger outside yourself (other people, an enormous, complex, naturally beautiful universe, and a beautiful planet even with the rough patches, warts and sores), and that no matter how hopeless and desperate you feel, things can always get better.

Thank you for your reply.

I've realized that some of what I'm feeling is partly due to societal pressures. I'm sure that if the Christian denomination decreased dramatically I wouldn't be so worried about all this.

I am really into space, astronomy, and the cosmos. I'm thrilled to know that we literally come from the supernovae of stars. But whenever I think something like that my troll-of-a-mind wonders if maybe there is a god somewhere out there. That maybe the cosmos are a testament to the amazing power of Yahweh. And I just cannot seem to purge these thoughts. It seems to get worse as well when I focus more on it, however if I don't put my attention towards it I end up thinking I am in cognitive dissonance mode and that this feeling is the Holy Spirit or some shit trying to communicate with me.

For all my doubts of religion, there's "got" to answers for them out there, somewhere, that will make sense to me. hock:

[Rampant.A.I.]

Honestly, I get exactly where you're coming from. I think denomination is the greatest inhibitor to communicating with the divine you're attempting to communicate with or understand, which may be entirely illusory and completely based within our own minds, and possibly merely an artifact of consciousness.

If there is a God, it is not probable it is Zeus in the sky with a long white beard, judging us for masturbating or impure thoughts.

An extant God, by definition of omnipotence and omnipresence, would glance at the barbaric bronze-age rules Christianity has set up as the highest law, and chuckle.

You haven't yet, if you're still in your teenage years, but one day you will have conversations with people who are the same age as the authority figures you have right now. Maybe even your dad. And when you're old enough, the facade will drop, and you'll realize they're just as human as you are, but playing a role because they think it benefits you.

There is no way a creator of everything that is human could judge us for the way it created us to be, or punish us for asking hard questions. Even the Catholics, one of if not the most dogmatic Christian sect, realizes the importance of Devil's Advocates.

Question everything. Don't accept things on "faith," or force yourself to believe things you can't. That isn't faith. It's a lie people cling to and tell themselves for security.

Faith stands up to critical examination, refines and defines itself in the face of reasonable doubt.

Assuming the possibility of a creator deity, we're talking about an entity that exists independent of time and prior to any other consciousness.

It's not going to be concerned with whether you touch yourself at night -- the general "you," no accusation -- what you think, if you question its' existence, any more than it's concerned you're wearing the right type of underwear.