The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[Seraphina]

One thing TTA had was a specific forum where people could grieve and woe betide anyone picking on those sad tidings. I don't think that I have seen that here. Maybe I missed it? Introductions are off limits for carnage, but elsewhere?

The CIJS thread fits the bill.

Not quite - we can vent there of course but anyone can respond in any fashion they choose. It's not a "safe space". (I'm not fond of that terminology but it's succinct and gets my point across.)

-Teresa

[Catholic_Lady]

Did any of you read CL's CIJS post? And my responses?

https://atheistforums.org/thread-43505-p...t=pregnant         post #6115

Do none of you see self pity in that post? I know CL was venting but what was being said was a little hard core. 

Yes, I was insensitive, but sometimes people need to hear some tough love. I've been hoping that CL would get past this for awhile but not seeing much progress. And if you haven't seen my support for CL in the past then you haven't been looking. 

If my poke in the CIJS thread and post in this thread pissed you/CL off enough to move on, well, what can I say. Maybe what I had to say had nothing to do with you moving on. But then, ................

I will take responsibility for being insensitive and I do apologize CL. I've been in a tough love mode with several people IRL for months. You might have got caught up in that, it's my fault, not yours.

I see your apology and appreciate it. 

I think what a lot of people don't understand about the whole "getting over it" bit is that it isn't just a case of one baby loss to get over. It's the subsequent infertility that came after it. 

In other words, it isn't just the death of one child that I've been mourning, but also the death of motherhood. Of hopes and dreams of having a family, making my husband a father, seeing our love take human form. When you're trying to conceive unsuccessfully, it hurts every month when it doesn't work. Especially when you're taking fertility drugs, injecting yourself with hormones, and even having surgeries (I had 3 in the past year) in the hopes that something will fix the problem. Only to be let down month after month. And of course, this is compounded by the fact that I have been pregnant and experienced everything, including birth, and yet don't have a baby. It fucks with the brain in a way that is hard to explain. The baby loss and infertility feed off each other. Each making the other more painful and difficult to deal with. 

With that being said, a recent in depth test I did showed what the main issue is - poor egg quality. Basically my eggs sucks. It explains why I haven't been able to get pregnant despite all the fertility drugs and surgeries. It also explains why the one baby I did have had all those birth defects and malformations that ended up killing him. He came from a bad egg with DNA fragmentation and genetic mutations. 

Despite this being devastating, it has brought me some sense of peace in that now I know and I can stop trying. And just try to move on and heal, rather than dealing with this every single month.

---

Fine, I'm malicious, inhuman, callous and any other label you think applies. I'll take all the heat any of you want to give me.

Living in loss, remorse, regret and self pity is no way to live. It destroys the person and the people around them (if any remain). The group here seems to think that a miscarriage lies in some special category of loss that no woman can ever get over. Now, I'm not a woman so I can't speak first hand, but I have known a few that have had the experience. The ones that work their way thru the grief process recover, and don't continue to torture themselves, at least that's what I hear from them. Maybe they're lying, I can't really know for certain.  

Was I too harsh, seems that way by the reactions. Do I completely regret my actions, no. 

You might as well get it all out now.

Edit: My position has nothing to do with religion.

Did you miss my post entirely when I explained about how I specifically don't really talk about this with friends/family, and for the most part act like everything is ok? Because I don't want to burden them, make them feel uncomfortable, or otherwise be a downer?

Anyway, not sure why I'm still responding about this. There's no reason to still be posting.

[Foxaèr]

Fine, I'm malicious, inhuman, callous and any other label you think applies. I'll take all the heat any of you want to give me.

Living in loss, remorse, regret and self pity is no way to live. It destroys the person and the people around them (if any remain). The group here seems to think that a miscarriage lies in some special category of loss that no woman can ever get over. Now, I'm not a woman so I can't speak first hand, but I have known a few that have had the experience. The ones that work their way thru the grief process recover, and don't continue to torture themselves, at least that's what I hear from them. Maybe they're lying, I can't really know for certain.  

Was I too harsh, seems that way by the reactions. Do I completely regret my actions, no. 

You might as well get it all out now.

Edit: My position has nothing to do with religion.

Again, still on your side.

I would like to add something of my own, and this represents me personally. I am the type of person who will not be ashamed for being me and I will not apologize for not being how someone else wants me to be. The more these people speak against me, the less I care about their personal fallible opinions.

[ignoramus]

Kit, fuck off man. Not now... You're as bad as Hammy sometimes ...No fucking tact whatsoever...

[Foxaèr]

[pocaracas]

Some people didn't like it when I put out a couple of names connected with the notion of "nasty"... I might have been too lenient when I decided to go with that word. 😑

[Foxaèr]

Go back to your silly meme and picture posting.

[WinterHold]

I think this place just isn't her flavor.

It used to be...
During the past year (maybe a bit more), I've noticed this place becoming more hostile towards theists.
Some people tend to be respectful, like whateverist and Tiberius.... Some people are engaging, like khem or jorm...
But some people are just nasty, like kit and tizheruk.

Sure, everyone is entitled to their opinions, as long as they follow the rules... But the vocal nasties make those same theists feel unwelcome. And that is something that didn't seem to happen when Rayaan was admin.
There was more respect, back then.
I've even noticed my own motivation for posting on religious threads dropping, as I don't care to engage when others are just insulting people. Why should I bother to write something, if I expect the religious to feel insulted and just leave, never to read my words?

It's been a sad realization about this place...
But you guys do you.
Those of us who are more interested in the actual exchange of ideas and in understanding each other will, in time, find some other place... Or some niche within this one... Time will tell how things turn out.

The discussion about religions and beliefs itself witnessed a huge drop in quality.
Some years back the content's quality of topics was very strong, but now both theists and atheists are not providing but repeated ideas without any quality.

One of the first signs of bad quality of content is the constant fighting between the OP and members, or opening discussions that have nothing to do with the OP.. total chaos that I would expect to happen only in the Riy'ah; not in a normal section.

I think the place is losing its quality a little by little, and the consequences are numerous -including what you said-.

[DodosAreDead]

We're such a shitty species sometimes. 
I've seen most of you write things that are smart, well thought-out, kind, often outrageously funny, etc. And yet here is this same group of people, at loggerheads over something that has already caused someone immense grief. Do you guys honestly feel like anything anyone says at this point is going to significantly change anyone's behavior or thoughts? 

---

Also, I agree with Vulcan. Those comments were uncalled for and ill timed, but not with particular malicious intent. Whether or not you agree with Wyzas's (in my opinion convoluted and... no just no) way of 'helping her move on', the simple fact is that he was trying to do something positive. (I think? Never mind I'm out of this.) 

---

[LadyForCamus]

Fine, I'm malicious, inhuman, callous and any other label you think applies. I'll take all the heat any of you want to give me.

Living in loss, remorse, regret and self pity is no way to live. It destroys the person and the people around them (if any remain). The group here seems to think that a miscarriage lies in some special category of loss that no woman can ever get over. Now, I'm not a woman so I can't speak first hand, but I have known a few that have had the experience. The ones that work their way thru the grief process recover, and don't continue to torture themselves, at least that's what I hear from them. Maybe they're lying, I can't really know for certain.  

Was I too harsh, seems that way by the reactions. Do I completely regret my actions, no. 

You might as well get it all out now.

Edit: My position has nothing to do with religion.

Again, still on your side.

I would like to add something of my own, and this represents me personally.  I am the type of person who will not be ashamed for being me and I will not apologize for not being how someone else wants me to be.  The more these people speak against me, the less I care about their personal fallible opinions.

You aren’t ashamed of being unempathetic.  Good for you!  That’s something to be proud of!