Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Joods]

Well, like I said, that phrase is only used then and I've never actually heard anyone say it (around these parts I live in, anyway) just to be joking.

People sure are uptight fuckers around here lol

[Edwardo Piet]

Some folks around here certainly can be fucking uptight as fuck.

Anyways... Onto my next post about something and someone else entirely:

[Edwardo Piet]

Can I  just say, and I'm just being honest:

You greatly fucking underestimate me. I am so much fucking stronger than you think I am. You have no idea. How you've been behaving towards to me for so long: It's beyond condescension. I have never quite felt this way about you before. I didn't want to believe it, I really didn't. I really really really didn't. I tell myself I'm paranoid but again and again you confirm that my suspicions are correct. You really think you know what's best for me and what is or isn't harmless and you even admit it in moments when you're desperate and flustered.

I'd dislike this intense feeling of disappointment and cynical despair, I'd feel crap about it, but I'm beyond that. This is pure disillusionment. And despite your utter obliviousness and incapability of taking me seriously due to your thinking you know what is best for me, what is for my own good or most of all your completely incorrect thinking what you do is harmless rather than asking me simple honest questions and communicating normally -- especially to someone you're supposed to trust so much -- is seriously dysfunctional and shows a gargantuan amount of distrust. I don't care what your role is or what you think you know, I don't care how much you think you know or love me: Stop thinking you know me better than I know myself, or behaving that way, stop thinking that white lies or keeping secrets from me is fine as long as you don't hurt me because not only does it fucking hurt me but it's not your place to know what is always best for me, that isn't anyone's place, perhaps, just perhaps, I know what's best sometimes... at least for my life. You owe me the truth. Honesty is the best policy as long as people are decent to each other. Brutality is never necessary but honesty is fucking basic decency.

I have a tiny little hope in my heart that one day you can truly respect my opinions and viewpoints and mind -- you make my intelligence feel so insulted I feel like you don't even know me sometimes, your dismissiveness towards someone you are supposed to know so well, again, regardless of your role, makes me resent you so much I end up wrongly blaming myself (no one is to blame but I certainly shouldn't blame myself, I wish I could feel good about you) -- I have a tiny little hope in my heart that one day you will respect me enough to feel that you don't get to decide what is for my own good and what lies or secrets are acceptable or harmless (the correct answer is ZERO when it's someone you fucking know and trust -- I am not an idiot)...

...but to be honest I am so beyond that and past caring. Watch how strong I am and regardless of the fact this is the exact opposite of what you intended: I thank you for disillusioning me so much because you have opened me up to reality and I will never be so gullible ever again, regardless of how much you're supposed to know trust and love me.

[redacted] helps me and you don't deserve to know about it until you start acting like you actually know me.

Can I just say, I wish I could tell you this, but you will not hear me out... and that's the whole problem. If I could tell you I wouldn't fucking feel this way in the first place.

[Esquilax]

Can I just say...

I'm feeling so much better after last night. Like we've reached a kind of equilibrium. Like I'm not going to lose what's most important to me. Like we can make this work.

Thank you for being understanding. Thank you for being mine. Both of you.

[Edwardo Piet]

Sounds positive

[Esquilax]

Sounds positive

Pretty much. I was able to... assuage some fears and make a compromise I think will work last night. Now we just have to play the waiting game, and none of us lose anything much in the meantime.

[Edwardo Piet]

CIJSAIJBH

Venting is healing.

[Edwardo Piet]

CIJSAIJBH

When I see insecurity, it's cute.

[SteelCurtain]

Fuck mowing my lawn. I'm going to sleep.

[Edwardo Piet]

CIJS

Holy shit I feel chilled out.

Who put muscle relaxant in my pink grapefruit juice?

Fucking wow my super happy normally=enthusastic but in this case it's a rare case of chilled af.