Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Joods]

Mama, Sounds like you need a really good hug and a friend to just wisk you and your kids out of that place.

I wish you lived here. You'd be far away from that madness.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

CIJS: When I offer to spring for a meal and ask where you'd like to go, name someplace. This 'Oh, it doesn't matter' or 'You're offering to pay, you decide' nonsense is tiresome. I wind up picking the place, and then you bitch about the menu. You're a good friend and a generally fine person, but this quirk of yours is becoming a significant irritant to me. Even my wife has commented on it, and Ellen is the most awesomely forgiving person I know. Come on.

Boru

[Tonus]

Boru: my mother has a similar problem, and I think that she has some latent fear that she'll be blamed if she makes a decision and things don't go well. She prefers the opposite-- let someone else make the decisions so that she can complain if things don't go as hoped. The worst was when she needed help and would not make decisions because she was almost paralyzed by that fear. And by "needed help" I'm referring to the time when she suffered a bad contusion from a fall and waved off offers of help until I got home and she was nearly delirious from the pain. Also by "needed help" was the time she was having a FUCKING HEART ATTACK and thought that dropping hints and then waving off my concern was the proper course of action.

[LadyForCamus]

Cijs...
I think I need to move far away. I need to start fresh. I'm not going to make it here. I keep hearing my mind screaming "help", but I don't help myself. This time it seemed like the scare made you see how bad you have been and how much you need help, but you pass by, don't see my car, and mayhem ensues. There comes a time when one must admit a fault. I enable people. I enable you to keep me in fear. I enable others too. I just sit here and allow this to happen because they said you will be arrested and I'm worried you'll lose that job you love. I allow it to happen because you cry and I feel bad for you. One moment you yell at me that I'm a cheap whore, a gross pile of pork meat, that I deserved what happened to me as a teen, that you will make sure the kids grow up hating their dyke mother, that you will tell everyone that I'm a whore, you publicly shame me by posting my texts online, you yell at me that I don't even matter because you had your girlfriend since before our marriage ended, and you tell our son that I'm a drug addict just because I take prescribed antidepressants. Then... you call me and beg me for fucking sex, tell me that you need it and it would help you, and that you'll come down here anyway and I can call the cops if I want, but phrase it "I want to be with you." Shoot me now. I'm as good as dead. It's been years of your abuse and you still won't let me move on. I can't anymore. I keep protecting you and wtf! You deserve what's happening to you! Fuck you! Let me live. Please. I can't breathe. I'm losing everything and everyone and lost my only chance at love because of you and I don't think I will ever forgive myself for letting you get away with that. Fuck you.

CIJS... you. You're gay. We both know this by now. You put on a good show and convinced me otherwise at first, but dude, you're gay. I won't be your closet. Just staaaaaahp. Admit it. Find yourself a dude.

And you...
I remember you sometimes. Your voice mainly. I smile when I remember. I wish you knew I was only trying to protect you from all of this. Hope you're safe and happy.

Girl, you gotta cut the toxic people out of your life once and for all.  If you keep letting them in, nothing will ever change or get better.  Just sayin'; cuz I'm concerned.  

[Athene]

 I just sit here and allow this to happen because they said you will be arrested and I'm worried you'll lose that job you love. I allow it to happen because you cry and I feel bad for you.

You feel bad for the person he USED to be. Or who you thought he was.
Bottom line: That person no longer exists...he's dead and gone.

Now, you're  dealing with a monster who happens to be wearing his skin. Cold calculation, and ruthless pragmatism is in order....and nothing but. 

Flip the switch, then rip it from the wall. Let him continue to think you're weak; He'll never see it coming.
If you manage to play it just so, he won't even know it came from you.  

Good luck, Mama.

[J a c k]

Thanks for the advise, you guys. I appreciate it.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Boru: my mother has a similar problem, and I think that she has some latent fear that she'll be blamed if she makes a decision and things don't go well.  She prefers the opposite-- let someone else make the decisions so that she can complain if things don't go as hoped.  The worst was when she needed help and would not make decisions because she was almost paralyzed by that fear.  And by "needed help" I'm referring to the time when she suffered a bad contusion from a fall and waved off offers of help until I got home and she was nearly delirious from the pain.  Also by "needed help" was the time she was having a FUCKING HEART ATTACK and thought that dropping hints and then waving off my concern was the proper course of action.

Ok, that sounds just a smidge more serious than what I'm dealing with...

Boru

[Regina]

Cijs...
I think I need to move far away. I need to start fresh. I'm not going to make it here. I keep hearing my mind screaming "help", but I don't help myself. This time it seemed like the scare made you see how bad you have been and how much you need help, but you pass by, don't see my car, and mayhem ensues. There comes a time when one must admit a fault. I enable people. I enable you to keep me in fear. I enable others too. I just sit here and allow this to happen because they said you will be arrested and I'm worried you'll lose that job you love. I allow it to happen because you cry and I feel bad for you. One moment you yell at me that I'm a cheap whore, a gross pile of pork meat, that I deserved what happened to me as a teen, that you will make sure the kids grow up hating their dyke mother, that you will tell everyone that I'm a whore, you publicly shame me by posting my texts online, you yell at me that I don't even matter because you had your girlfriend since before our marriage ended, and you tell our son that I'm a drug addict just because I take prescribed antidepressants. Then... you call me and beg me for fucking sex, tell me that you need it and it would help you, and that you'll come down here anyway and I can call the cops if I want, but phrase it "I want to be with you." Shoot me now. I'm as good as dead. It's been years of your abuse and you still won't let me move on. I can't anymore. I keep protecting you and wtf! You deserve what's happening to you! Fuck you! Let me live. Please. I can't breathe. I'm losing everything and everyone and lost my only chance at love because of you and I don't think I will ever forgive myself for letting you get away with that. Fuck you.

CIJS... you. You're gay. We both know this by now. You put on a good show and convinced me otherwise at first, but dude, you're gay. I won't be your closet. Just staaaaaahp. Admit it. Find yourself a dude.

And you...
I remember you sometimes. Your voice mainly. I smile when I remember. I wish you knew I was only trying to protect you from all of this. Hope you're safe and happy.

oh my goodness

Is your partner using you as a beard? Fuck him. I want to punch guys who do that so bad, don't stand for it

I'd honestly out him if he's been lying to you for that long, and I don't normally condone outing people. He deserves it.

[J a c k]

oh my goodness

Is your partner using you as a beard? Fuck him. I want to punch guys who do that so bad, don't stand for it

I'd honestly out him if he's been lying to you for that long, and I don't normally condone outing people. He deserves it.

No no no lol
The first (long) part of my post was about my ex husband.
The second CIJS was about a dude who wants to date me, but just wants to hide the fact that he's gay.
And then there's a third. It's not all just for one person. Sorry. I made a confuse. Lol

[Regina]

Ohhhh ok, yeah I did think it seemed a bit disjointed. My friend knows a couple like that though and he talks about them all the time, where the guy is gay and she has no idea. I don't know why he doesn't out him tbh.

Well I hope everything turns out ok