Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Cyberman]

I'm just really sick and tired of being on my own.

I hear you. I went through a ten-year slog of being essentially alone, some dating but no meaningful love, and it's rough when people cannot or do not see the great points that you, like all of us, have.

I've not even had that. I just feel like Malcolm McDowell in Star Trek Generations, in that I've known true bliss and had it ripped away, such that I spend my life trying to recapture even a taste of it. But it's forever beyond my reach.

If I may speak plainly, one thing I have seen in your posting is what strikes me as a stilted perspective of yourself -- in modern parlance, low self-esteem. I can't say I understand it, because when I read your posts here I see someone who is witty, wise, sometimes acerbic but always on-point, sharp as a tack. I don't know that I have many or any useful ideas how to address what I see as a problem, but I do know that when I've felt down on myself like that, it radiates outwards to others, and gives them perhaps a certain sense of reticence. But if that is indeed an issue, and if you might find a way to address it, it seems to me that your possibilities might open up a little.

Confidence, and insecurity, are both contagious; and often they are both self-reinforcing. People cotton to the former and avoid the latter, which each strengthens the respective feelings you're feeling.

I went out last night. Nothing fancy, just a few drinks. I spent the whole time trying to get just one person to have a drink with me, talk to me. Nobody even saw me.

If that is the case, can you think of ways to break that self-fulfilling prophecy?

One; but it hurts my front door if I talk about it.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I hear you. I went through a ten-year slog of being essentially alone, some dating but no meaningful love, and it's rough when people cannot or do not see the great points that you, like all of us, have.

I've not even had that. I just feel like Malcolm McDowell in Star Trek Generations, in that I've known true bliss and had it ripped away, such that I spend my life trying to recapture even a taste of it. But it's forever beyond my reach.

If I may speak plainly, one thing I have seen in your posting is what strikes me as a stilted perspective of yourself -- in modern parlance, low self-esteem. I can't say I understand it, because when I read your posts here I see someone who is witty, wise, sometimes acerbic but always on-point, sharp as a tack. I don't know that I have many or any useful ideas how to address what I see as a problem, but I do know that when I've felt down on myself like that, it radiates outwards to others, and gives them perhaps a certain sense of reticence. But if that is indeed an issue, and if you might find a way to address it, it seems to me that your possibilities might open up a little.

Confidence, and insecurity, are both contagious; and often they are both self-reinforcing. People cotton to the former and avoid the latter, which each strengthens the respective feelings you're feeling.

I went out last night. Nothing fancy, just a few drinks. I spent the whole time trying to get just one person to have a drink with me, talk to me. Nobody even saw me.

If that is the case, can you think of ways to break that self-fulfilling prophecy?

One; but it hurts my front door if I talk about it.

Well, that doesn't just solve one thing, that solves everything ... even the stuff that is not pain.

I'll leave it at that for now. I'm always open to listening if you want to talk.

[J a c k]

CIJS?

-I love my cats. They give the best hair massages ever.

-I don't like needles. Dude. You poked my butt and not in a fun way. I expected belligerent pain. Instead, I felt nothing. "Holy fuck! You have good hands," I said as I pulled up my pants. And then I laughed and laughed at the scenario as I watched you struggle to not laugh, too. CIJS? I heard you laughing and telling. Dude. Those are curtains, not walls. Lol dork.

-I forget how much my friends love me, because I mostly stay home and don't see people. I have forgotten what it's like to let go and allow others to jump in to help. I have been absorbed in helping myself and not needing people. I have been dedicated to not being dependent of others. Today I needed a ride to get checked and damn. There I went with a clan of people all who argued over which got to drive me there. It was so fucking heartwarming. CIJS? Fuck, yo. H, R, V, and A, thanks for still loving me even though I disappeared. And you even got me chocolate. Heh tacos would have been better, but hey. I'm not complaining.

-Them eyes, though. Rude. It's like this. Everything else about you makes me think about how much I want to throw you up against a wall. How much I want to lose all carefulness and just throw, shove, push. Your eyes, though. Fuck. They don't make me think about shit. I just look into them, forget to breathe, and absolutely forget to think. Hanneh, damn.

[Thumpalumpacus]

With that said, I appreciate your post.  However, if an opportunity does present itself to you, please don't immediately start writing yourself off as I did.  IMO, developing the flexibility to expand  beyond one's preconceived self-image/limitations  is one of the hardest yet rewarding endeavors that an individual can undertake.

It took me a while to understand that flaws and all I'm a good man. And it took that time for me to understand the corollary: any woman I settle down with will have flaws too, so I'd best stop getting hung up on the motes in their eyes and start working on the beams in my own.

[Joods]

CIJS - 

They want to be here. They need to be here. The emotional detachment by not only her, but you, is astounding. I feel like I am the only one who cares. They feel the same way. You've been told since December that you need to make them a priority, not your stupid electronics. You've been told since 2013 that you need to step the hell up. This isn't doing you favors, in their eyes and in mine. 

When June 2022 comes around, I am done. The last one will have been through the final year of school and I will be moving on. They will probably come with me since they don't want to be with her and they don't want to be with you either. But in order to be with me, they have to be with you - at least for now. You've been given more than enough time to get your head out of your ass. It's why I am only here for them now. There is no "us" and there hasn't been since January, so I wish you'd just see that and realize that calling me hun, dear and babe, just makes me ill. I am so relieved at night when you go up to your room and just leave me alone. Your ignorance has, in effect, pushed three people away from you. I haven't uttered "I love you" in your direction for months now and there's a reason behind that. You've been told this several times now, yet you persist and you keep thinking things are okay. I wish you could read this and understand that this is your final wake up call. You have a court hearing in three months. Get. Your. Fucking. Shit. Together.  

Also, CIJS - 

Working is important. Working to earn a living, working on relationships (including parenting and friendships), working on a hobby - whatever. The key word is "working". If you wanna have a decent life with anyone, including yourself, you must work at it. Being lazy - at whatever - isn't going to cut it. At least for this gal it isn't. 

Another CIJS - 

One thing I could never understand is how some grown adults successfully manage to manipulate their parents into supporting them financially so they can continue to be lazy and not work. And if their parents aren't paying their way through life, they manage to manipulate the government into doing it. I just don't get that. There are people with disabilities who have to depend on others financially and they need the assistance. I'm not talking about those people. 

In short - the laziness of certain individuals has hit an all time high and the karma bus is about to pull into town and deliver some packages.

[LastPoet]

If that is the case, can you think of ways to break that self-fulfilling prophecy?

One; but it hurts my front door if I talk about it.

Ten for ten, do it again.

[Cyberman]

I might get tasered next time.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I might get tasered next time.

Well, if'n you need to talk, the PM box is open, bud.

[Cyberman]

Cheers, I might just do that.

[Joods]

CIJS - Sleeping for five hours is not a nap. It's fucking sleeping. WTG on your shitty parenting. Glad someone is here for them because you sure as hell aren't.