Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Joods]

CIJS

It has officially begun. It’s taken months of preparing and I won’t back down. A judge will say the last word. This is it. It’s finally here. Money is no longer a road block.

But cijs? Nobody will ever understand how this is so difficult. Why do you feel bad for him? Why do you want to make sure he’s ok afterwards? Why not hit him harder? Fuck. Fuck. You won’t get it. I get you and why you think that way, but there is no possibility of you understanding me. I feel it. How can I still care about the feelings and well being of someone who calls me a whore, tells people I have HIV (I don’t), threatens me, crashes into my car, breaks into my home, searches my car, breaks my furniture, tracks my phone, follows me around, tells my kids I’m not good enough, left me for another woman? I won’t list excuses for him. I won’t, because my reason tells me it’s not enough. I just care. I can’t not worry. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I will. It’s already started. It doesn’t mean he won’t have to face the consequences. He will. But stop telling me I’m stupid because I feel bad that he’s in pain. I can’t help not being a bitch. I’m not like him. Caring about his well being does not mean I have feelings for him in a romantic way, it just means I was with him for 11 years and fuck. I want him to get better. As hard as I try to be hard, to be cold, to be tough... fuck, yo. I’m really not. My heart hurts for him. I’m so sad for him. He might lose his job. Fuck. I know he caused this, but I’m hurting for his pain even though I will definitely go all the way with this. I just can’t be a bitch that feels nothing. I feel sorry for him. I really do.

You are an empath. It is simply in your nature to care about everyone - no matter the wrongs they did to you. And that right there, makes you a much better person for humanity. He, on the other hand, is a narcissist. A master manipulator. You've seen the light and you're moving on, but he will always try to suck you back in. When he no longer has any fresh victims to feed off of, then he will attempt to use you as a back up. And because you are an empath, you get sucked into a viscous circle that is impossible to break away from unless you start learning to employ the Grey Rock Method. 

What is the Grey Rock Method? 

Simple. You must learn to remove every shred of emotion from yourself whenever you have to deal with this guy. Do not allow him to see any emotion - anger, happiness, sadness - none of it. Remain like a stone and he won't have anything to feed off of. Try it. It actually works. The narcissist is expecting you to react in a certain way, when they push your buttons. Once you have fallen for this, they then feed off of your emotions. It's like a high for them. They love seeing their victim hurting in any sort of way possible. The emotional, mind fuckery they engage with is just over the top and they often have their victims convinced that they (the victim) is crazy when in fact it is the other way around! 

Narcissists won't admit they have a problem so getting a proper diagnosis is near impossible. One can only compare their situation to countless others in support groups to quickly learn that they all take from the same book. It's like it's literally scripted down to the finest detail. It's truly unreal and once you realize this, you're going to want to tell everyone. Don't. They won't understand and they will think you're making it up. Sadly, you and other's affected by the Narcs behavior are the only ones who really see him with his mask off. No one else can possibly understand this level of crazy. 

I'm going to assume he's the father of your kids? If so - then co-parenting with this guy is going to be damn near impossible because all they like to do is win and hurt their victims and will do that however they can, even if it hurts the children. Once he sees that you have moved on, he will target you in ways that you never thought possible, if he hasn't already. The only thing you can do is hope to get lucky enough to watch him walk away from his parenting responsibilities. If not - you will be in and out of court for years to come.

[The Valkyrie]

CIJS, every child I've met that has ADHD has very little or no discipline from their parents.
These same parents seem to just accept the diagnosis as fact immediately.
I'm not saying that ADHD isn't real, but can't they even put up a little bit of a fight for their child's future to be stigma free?
Is it easier to accept the verdict and relinquish all responsibility of being a parent with a piece of paper from a doctor being your 'Get out of jail free card'?
What does it do to a child when they stand up out of the box they came in and it says 'broken' on the side?
Granted, I'm no expert and I could very well be talking out of my arse, but my heart really hurts for these kids.

As a person who was dx'd with ADHD at age 7 and still has it to this day at age 46, I guess I'll be the first person you know who was heavily disciplined. My stepdad beat the shit out of me for seven years if I so much as looked wrong or breathed the wrong way. I was grounded for the slightest infraction. I certainly didn't get any free passes in my life.

I honestly don't think that being disciplined or not, really has anything to do with it. The "H" part of ADHD stands for Hyperactivity. Meds might help that, but not every parent wants to make their kids take meds that only cause their kid to become sedated in some way. Ritalin does that. It did that to me and I was taken off of it. And not every parent just gives up or doesn't fight for their kids. 

ADHD isn't curable. ADHD is frustrating for anyone who has it. We have trouble getting the thoughts in our head organized enough so that when we have a task to perform, it's often difficult to stay focused. We have to work twice as hard just to concentrate on things that most other people can easily do. 

Life with ADHD is not limited to seeing a kid bouncing off walls or not listening to their parents. It's way more complicated than that. And unless you can actually step inside the shoes of not only the person with ADHD, but the parent's shoes as well - please don't be so judgmental. It really hurts us.

That's not discipline.

That's fucking child abuse.

Sorry you went through that.  And, if you'll pardon me saying so, I hope the prick got what he deserved for the abuse!

[SteelCurtain]

CIJS

It has officially begun. It’s taken months of preparing and I won’t back down. A judge will say the last word. This is it. It’s finally here. Money is no longer a road block.

But cijs? Nobody will ever understand how this is so difficult. Why do you feel bad for him? Why do you want to make sure he’s ok afterwards? Why not hit him harder? Fuck. Fuck. You won’t get it. I get you and why you think that way, but there is no possibility of you understanding me. I feel it. How can I still care about the feelings and well being of someone who calls me a whore, tells people I have HIV (I don’t), threatens me, crashes into my car, breaks into my home, searches my car, breaks my furniture, tracks my phone, follows me around, tells my kids I’m not good enough, left me for another woman? I won’t list excuses for him. I won’t, because my reason tells me it’s not enough. I just care. I can’t not worry. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I will. It’s already started. It doesn’t mean he won’t have to face the consequences. He will. But stop telling me I’m stupid because I feel bad that he’s in pain. I can’t help not being a bitch. I’m not like him. Caring about his well being does not mean I have feelings for him in a romantic way, it just means I was with him for 11 years and fuck. I want him to get better. As hard as I try to be hard, to be cold, to be tough... fuck, yo. I’m really not. My heart hurts for him. I’m so sad for him. He might lose his job. Fuck. I know he caused this, but I’m hurting for his pain even though I will definitely go all the way with this. I just can’t be a bitch that feels nothing. I feel sorry for him. I really do.

F0kin allergies....

You are such a good person. I'm really glad I've gotten a chance to even tangentially get to know you. I understand you. I do. I see you.

[J a c k]

CIJS

It has officially begun. It’s taken months of preparing and I won’t back down. A judge will say the last word. This is it. It’s finally here. Money is no longer a road block.

But cijs? Nobody will ever understand how this is so difficult. Why do you feel bad for him? Why do you want to make sure he’s ok afterwards? Why not hit him harder? Fuck. Fuck. You won’t get it. I get you and why you think that way, but there is no possibility of you understanding me. I feel it. How can I still care about the feelings and well being of someone who calls me a whore, tells people I have HIV (I don’t), threatens me, crashes into my car, breaks into my home, searches my car, breaks my furniture, tracks my phone, follows me around, tells my kids I’m not good enough, left me for another woman? I won’t list excuses for him. I won’t, because my reason tells me it’s not enough. I just care. I can’t not worry. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I will. It’s already started. It doesn’t mean he won’t have to face the consequences. He will. But stop telling me I’m stupid because I feel bad that he’s in pain. I can’t help not being a bitch. I’m not like him. Caring about his well being does not mean I have feelings for him in a romantic way, it just means I was with him for 11 years and fuck. I want him to get better. As hard as I try to be hard, to be cold, to be tough... fuck, yo. I’m really not. My heart hurts for him. I’m so sad for him. He might lose his job. Fuck. I know he caused this, but I’m hurting for his pain even though I will definitely go all the way with this. I just can’t be a bitch that feels nothing. I feel sorry for him. I really do.

F0kin allergies....

You are such a good person. I'm really glad I've gotten a chance to even tangentially get to know you. I understand you. I do. I see you.

That’s because you’re such a good person yourself, and you always find a way to understand. Hey, M. I see you, too. And I think you know me more than you think you do.

[Bob Kelso]

CIJS
What you have done is the reason why I have so much trouble trusting people and making friends. I actually tried to be your friend, I fought against my every learned instinct and put myself out there to try and have some human contact outside of my family. For years I confided in you and thought of you as a brother, and what did you do? You fucking betrayed me. You used every piece of information, my innermost thoughts and feelings, and you twisted them to make things worse between us and get her into your bed. Well jokes on you, you deserve each other.

[brewer]

CIJS
What you have done is the reason why I have so much trouble trusting people and making friends. I actually tried to be your friend, I fought against my every learned instinct and put myself out there to try and have some human contact outside of my family. For years I confided in you and thought of you as a brother, and what did you do? You fucking betrayed me. You used every piece of information, my innermost thoughts and feelings, and you twisted them to make things worse between us and get her into your bed. Well jokes on you, you deserve each other.

At times like this that my thoughts turn to malignant STD's but then settle for just deforming.

[Bob Kelso]

CIJS
What you have done is the reason why I have so much trouble trusting people and making friends. I actually tried to be your friend, I fought against my every learned instinct and put myself out there to try and have some human contact outside of my family. For years I confided in you and thought of you as a brother, and what did you do? You fucking betrayed me. You used every piece of information, my innermost thoughts and feelings, and you twisted them to make things worse between us and get her into your bed. Well jokes on you, you deserve each other.

At times like this that my thoughts turn to malignant STD's but then settle for just deforming.

Not going to be too specific, but karma turned out to be a bitch for him with other things here lately. I've been sitting back and enjoying the show.

[The Industrial Atheist]

CIJS

It has officially begun. It’s taken months of preparing and I won’t back down. A judge will say the last word. This is it. It’s finally here. Money is no longer a road block.

But cijs? Nobody will ever understand how this is so difficult. Why do you feel bad for him? Why do you want to make sure he’s ok afterwards? Why not hit him harder? Fuck. Fuck. You won’t get it. I get you and why you think that way, but there is no possibility of you understanding me. I feel it. How can I still care about the feelings and well being of someone who calls me a whore, tells people I have HIV (I don’t), threatens me, crashes into my car, breaks into my home, searches my car, breaks my furniture, tracks my phone, follows me around, tells my kids I’m not good enough, left me for another woman? I won’t list excuses for him. I won’t, because my reason tells me it’s not enough. I just care. I can’t not worry. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I will. It’s already started. It doesn’t mean he won’t have to face the consequences. He will. But stop telling me I’m stupid because I feel bad that he’s in pain. I can’t help not being a bitch. I’m not like him. Caring about his well being does not mean I have feelings for him in a romantic way, it just means I was with him for 11 years and fuck. I want him to get better. As hard as I try to be hard, to be cold, to be tough... fuck, yo. I’m really not. My heart hurts for him. I’m so sad for him. He might lose his job. Fuck. I know he caused this, but I’m hurting for his pain even though I will definitely go all the way with this. I just can’t be a bitch that feels nothing. I feel sorry for him. I really do.

Ivy my good friend, I'm sorry you have dealt with and in some ways must still deal with this guy.
Your kindness is one of the main things that make me feel lucky to be your friend. I'm happy you've set things in motion to get the justice you deserve. I hope this process isn't too hard on you.

[J a c k]

CIJS

It has officially begun. It’s taken months of preparing and I won’t back down. A judge will say the last word. This is it. It’s finally here. Money is no longer a road block.

But cijs? Nobody will ever understand how this is so difficult. Why do you feel bad for him? Why do you want to make sure he’s ok afterwards? Why not hit him harder? Fuck. Fuck. You won’t get it. I get you and why you think that way, but there is no possibility of you understanding me. I feel it. How can I still care about the feelings and well being of someone who calls me a whore, tells people I have HIV (I don’t), threatens me, crashes into my car, breaks into my home, searches my car, breaks my furniture, tracks my phone, follows me around, tells my kids I’m not good enough, left me for another woman? I won’t list excuses for him. I won’t, because my reason tells me it’s not enough. I just care. I can’t not worry. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I will. It’s already started. It doesn’t mean he won’t have to face the consequences. He will. But stop telling me I’m stupid because I feel bad that he’s in pain. I can’t help not being a bitch. I’m not like him. Caring about his well being does not mean I have feelings for him in a romantic way, it just means I was with him for 11 years and fuck. I want him to get better. As hard as I try to be hard, to be cold, to be tough... fuck, yo. I’m really not. My heart hurts for him. I’m so sad for him. He might lose his job. Fuck. I know he caused this, but I’m hurting for his pain even though I will definitely go all the way with this. I just can’t be a bitch that feels nothing. I feel sorry for him. I really do.

Ivy my good friend, I'm sorry you have dealt with and in some ways must still deal with this guy.
Your kindness is one of the main things that make me feel lucky to be your friend. I'm happy you've set things in motion to get the justice you deserve. I hope this process isn't too hard on you.

Thanks, lad. You should know that your kindness inspires me, too. You’re a very good human.

[The Industrial Atheist]

Ivy my good friend, I'm sorry you have dealt with and in some ways must still deal with this guy.
Your kindness is one of the main things that make me feel lucky to be your friend. I'm happy you've set things in motion to get the justice you deserve. I hope this process isn't too hard on you.

Thanks, lad. You should know that your kindness inspires me, too. You’re a very good human.  

You're very welcome, Ivy. And thanks.