Nah, I'm not offended. And I'm hardly the Dark Mistress - I'm a sub through and through, and while I enjoy pain I also spent a good portion of the weekend cuddled and having my hair and skin stroked. It's not all pain - there's a lot of deference and love involved.
There are a lot of misconceptions about what goes on in BDSM - and books like 50 Shades and or shows like CSI don't do much to dispel it. Yes, a lot of it is very darkly erotic, sharp as bitter chocolate, but a lot of it is also incredibly intimate and soothing.
The thrill comes from being with someone who instinctively knows how to get into your head and do things to you that manipulate you to greater sexual heights. It's like when people seek spicy foods - they like the kiss of pain that comes with it. Or people who enjoy horror movies or haunted houses - they love the adrenal response to fear. BDSM uses both. Pain makes nerves sing - they become super sensitive and a following pleasurable touch becomes all that much more because of it, or they cause your body to release the hormones that help you deal with pain, and you can end up in a euphoria, like a long-distances runner.
There is a lot of mental work you have to do to engage in it in a healthy and positive way. There have been a couple studies suggesting that those who engage in those sorts of things have much better organized emotional faculties - I suspect because they practice variations of mindfulness, over-communication, and compartmentalization.
It's fun to scare "vanilla" people with the shock and spectacle aspects of it, but only because they *like* it - the same way you might enjoy something dangerous, but brief. They get their taste and move on. Most of us are terribly normal, though, for the most part. I'd much rather make people laugh than frighten them.
There are a lot of misconceptions about what goes on in BDSM - and books like 50 Shades and or shows like CSI don't do much to dispel it. Yes, a lot of it is very darkly erotic, sharp as bitter chocolate, but a lot of it is also incredibly intimate and soothing.
The thrill comes from being with someone who instinctively knows how to get into your head and do things to you that manipulate you to greater sexual heights. It's like when people seek spicy foods - they like the kiss of pain that comes with it. Or people who enjoy horror movies or haunted houses - they love the adrenal response to fear. BDSM uses both. Pain makes nerves sing - they become super sensitive and a following pleasurable touch becomes all that much more because of it, or they cause your body to release the hormones that help you deal with pain, and you can end up in a euphoria, like a long-distances runner.
There is a lot of mental work you have to do to engage in it in a healthy and positive way. There have been a couple studies suggesting that those who engage in those sorts of things have much better organized emotional faculties - I suspect because they practice variations of mindfulness, over-communication, and compartmentalization.
It's fun to scare "vanilla" people with the shock and spectacle aspects of it, but only because they *like* it - the same way you might enjoy something dangerous, but brief. They get their taste and move on. Most of us are terribly normal, though, for the most part. I'd much rather make people laugh than frighten them.
![[Image: Untitled2_zpswaosccbr.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1140.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fn569%2Fthesummerqueen%2FUntitled2_zpswaosccbr.png)
