Intelligent Design

[Redbeard The Pink]

The problem with your use of the word design is that you think it's ok to make up your own definition for it, dipshit.

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

A lonely man walks into a bar and, after having a few drinks, lets slip to the bartender that he's desperate for pussy.


"No problem," says the bartender as he slides a worn business card across the bar. The front is practically illegible, but the back has an address on it. "That's the apartment of the best whore in the city. Just be warned...it'll cost ya."


Now, this man has never consorted with prostitutes before, thinking himself above such measures, but he's desperately lonely, so he figures, "Ah, what the hell? Nobody's gonna know, right? Besides, I got money to waste since I don't have any women around."


So he slams 3 more drinks to calm his nerves and then drunkenly makes his way to this apartment. When he gets there and knocks on the door, a middle-aged whore answers it. She doesn't look like much, but she's supposed to be the best in the city, so he asks anyway.


"Hi, is this Mandy's house?" he asks awkwardly.


"Sure is!" says the whore. "What can I do ya for, honey?"


"Well, you tell me," he says, still nervous despite the drinking. "I've never done this before, so maybe we should start with a hand job."


"Oh sure, honey," says the whore, "but I'm afraid I'll have to charge up front for that. Hand jobs are $500."


"$500?!" exclaims the man, taken aback. "That had better be the best hand job in the city!"


The whore says "You see the furniture in this apartment? I furnished this place with just hand job money."


So the dude looks around, and this bitch has some nice-ass furniture (like, really nice furniture), so he figures, Ah, what the hell? and gets the hand job, which turns out to be the best hand job he's ever had in his life.


"Damn!" he says. "That was the best hand job ever! how much for a blow job?"


The whore smiles as pretty as she can and says, "Why, blow jobs are $1,000, honey."


"$1000?! Fuck, that had better be the best blow job in the whole city!"


"You see this apartment? I rent this place with just blow job money."


So dude looks around, and this is a nice apartment. High rise, lots of space, perfect view of the city...the works, right? So he figures, Ah what the hell? I'm drunk and desperate, right? So he gets the blow job, which turns out to be the best blow job he's ever had.


"Whoah damn! That was the best blow job ever...ok, I think I'm ready to ask. How much for some pussy?"


The whore smiles real big, takes him to the window, and gestures to the skyline. "You see that city? If I had a pussy, I'd OWN that city."


Also, your definition of design is fucking wrong, just like your tired jokes.