Another raaaaaaaaaape!!!

[Mermaid]

I said,

"She's right, but also incredibly dumb. Yes, if she didn't want to have sex with him and she says that and he still does it, that's rape and that's awful. But kissing a drunk guy while you're both naked in the shower? That's sort of the definition of "asking for it." I am not excusing the rapist's actions with that phrase. It's still rape and it's still horrible. But if I walked through the South Bronx with a sign on that says "I HATE N_____S AND SPICS" and I got stabbed to death, I'd say I was "asking for it." Doesn't mean the murder was justified. But what did I expect when I put myself in such a situation?"

Rape is never okay, that much should be obvious. The "rape culture" puts the blame almost solely on the woman in many cases, as if drunk men shouldn't be expected to control their urges. I'm not perpetuating that. I'm saying that there are certainly situations that a woman could put herself in that would make rape much more likely. Some people would say an example of that is wearing a skimpy outfit to the bar. I am not saying that. But getting in the shower naked with a drunk guy she didn't know well? It's just an awful decision. If this is the ninth time she's been sexually assaulted, one would think she'd take particular precautions and would never make this sort of decision. Again, it's like walking into a poor, predominantly minority neighborhood wearing a sign that says "I HATE _____" It's dumb as hell and can't lead anywhere good. If I got murered for it, that doesn't make the murder okay. The murderer's attorney can't use "He was asking for it" as a defense. But should some of the blame go on me?

This.

Rape is always, always the fault of the rapist.  Period.  Full stop.

However, she and a lot of people need to be a hell of a lot smarter about recognizing and mitigating risk.  Getting into a shower with a drunk stranger and kissing them is an incredibly risky string of behavior.  And while it doesn't justify her rape, nor make it inevitable, it most certainly increases the likelihood of it happening.

Ultimately, if you bumble through life thinking everyone else shares your values and/or ability to restrain themselves from doing heinous things, eventually you're going to get hurt.  Situational awareness is a vital survival skill.

People, including the police department, said these VERY same things to me. I should be more careful and was partially to blame for walking alone at night. Was I?