Another raaaaaaaaaape!!!

[Mermaid]

I am in NO WAY attempting to paint ANYONE as a misogynist. Please do not put words in my mouth. I have no desire to antagonize. That is the opposite of why I am participating in this thread. I NEVER said you were not sympathtic. Please stop trying to paint me as an angry, misandrist feminist.

I am just speaking as someone who knows what it's like on the other side of that fence. My hope is that it will help with understanding, perhaps that's naive of me.

To your list of questions, how would answering either way to any of those make me at fault? This is what the police asked me as well. They told me that I shouldn't have done that. A young, cute girl should expect that sort of thing if she wasn't paying attention.

If I'm misinterpreting you, then I'm sorry.  I'm getting pissed off because it seems like everyone is misinterpreting what I'm trying to (and obviously failing) to say.  So, I'll attempt to rephrase:

You are not at fault for your rape.  I will say it until the cows come home.  The rapist is the person who bears the responsibility.  That's it.  And the cops did a shitty job trying to make you feel responsible or guilty for it.

The risk mitigation stuff I'm trying (and, again, failing) to talk about is tangential, but still somewhat related.  My point isn't that you, this other lady, or anyone else should live in paranoia or fear from would-be assailants.  That if you don't engage in Jason Bourne personal security measures that you invited an assault or rape upon yourself.  What I'm trying to say is that jumping headlong into an obviously risky situation (like jumping in a shower with, and kissing, a drunk stranger) is dumb.  It does not excuse whatever crime may occur, but it most definitely increases the risk of it happening.

I hope that lady's rapist gets the book thrown at him.  I also hope she's far less naive in the future and learns to recognize (and avoid!) such an obvious trap in the future.

I don't know enough about your situation, but if it happened in a known risky/dangerous place, I would hope you would avoid going there alone at night in the future if you can help it.  Not because "Oh, shit, there you go inviting rape on yourself again, you harlot," but simply to avoid taking a recognized unnecessary risk.

Keep in mind, I'm not talking about risk mitigation just in terms of rape, but in a more general sense.  And, yes, I'm very aware that people can do everything reasonably expected of them, but still get assaulted/raped/harmed.

Message heard.

We disagree fundamentally on the basics of blame. The victim is 0% to blame. It is wise to protect oneself, that is true. But it has nothing to do with culpability.