I think you can make two statements at the same time and not be contradictory.
#1 - She is not to blame whatsoever, and the rapist deserves the full punishment allowed for violent rape.
#2 - Moving forward in everyone's life: predators exist. They are out there and they will take advantage of any power differential to get what they want. Being aware of this and living your life in such a way as to acknowledge these risks is something everyone should do.
There is a time and a place for that second conversation. And it's not right after a person experiences a rape. And maybe it's not for any of us to have with her. Maybe her therapist could work through how she can set up more appropriate boundaries in order to reduce the risk of this happening again, not as a way to excoriate her in any fashion for what occurred here.
I think you can say those two things, and still be on her side. That man is a predator. He violently raped her, and should be put away for a long time. She also could have better protected herself. But I would only say that when talking about this from the outside, I would never say that second part to this woman, because it wouldn't help her. I would say this to a friend or my daughter (in the future) if we were discussing this in a vacuum.
Saying "she could have better protected herself" is not the same as saying "she is partly to blame."
#1 - She is not to blame whatsoever, and the rapist deserves the full punishment allowed for violent rape.
#2 - Moving forward in everyone's life: predators exist. They are out there and they will take advantage of any power differential to get what they want. Being aware of this and living your life in such a way as to acknowledge these risks is something everyone should do.
There is a time and a place for that second conversation. And it's not right after a person experiences a rape. And maybe it's not for any of us to have with her. Maybe her therapist could work through how she can set up more appropriate boundaries in order to reduce the risk of this happening again, not as a way to excoriate her in any fashion for what occurred here.
I think you can say those two things, and still be on her side. That man is a predator. He violently raped her, and should be put away for a long time. She also could have better protected herself. But I would only say that when talking about this from the outside, I would never say that second part to this woman, because it wouldn't help her. I would say this to a friend or my daughter (in the future) if we were discussing this in a vacuum.
Saying "she could have better protected herself" is not the same as saying "she is partly to blame."
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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