Another raaaaaaaaaape!!!

[MTL]

I will weigh in, as a rape victim myself.


I was date-raped when I was 15.  I was a virgin.  It was my first time.

The rapist was my then-boyfriend.


I did get myself into a sexual situation,
making out, fooling around with him.

Of course I did.  I was 15, and he was my boyfriend!

That does NOT mean I was "stupid".

True, I was young, inexperienced, naive;

But I STILL had every right to BE in that situation,


....and I ALSO had every right to STOP IT.


He was NOT drunk at the time;

but, had he been drunk,

does that make it wrong or "stupid" of me to consent to make out with him,
and then choose to try to stop things from going further?

Does that mean that if I get raped, it is my fault?

I should be able to make out with my boyfriend, without being necessarily expected to put out;
And I should even be able to make out with him if he has been drinking,
without risk of being raped.


If he rapes me, his being drunk does NOT excuse his actions,
nor does it make me "stupid".

It just makes him a rapist.

However, I will readily agree that ANY situation where there is drugs or alcohol,
can get out of control, and people everywhere should be wise about their safety...of course.

I've been in situations with drunken female friends where I ended up getting blamed for their unacceptable behavior,
and it was nothing to do with sex!

I have been drunk, myself, and regretted my choices, actions, and words, the next day.

But being drunk has NEVER been any kind of an excuse for criminal or irresponsible behavior.

That's like blaming the victims of a drunk driver for being so stupid as to be out on the road, themselves, sober,
on a Friday or Saturday night,

because apparently it's the responsibility of sober people to stay out of the way of drunken, irresponsible people,
because we all know drunk people may decide to break the law and drive,
and it's understandable since they were drunk, at the time.

Why bother having laws, at all?

Why bother having a legal drinking age?



So when we say to people, women especially,
"don't get so wasted at the party that someone takes advantage of you"

it doesn't mean we blame you if you get raped.

RAPE IS NEVER THE FAULT OF ANYONE BUT THE RAPIST.   EVER.

If you are going to blame the victim in any way, shape, or form,
then we may as well make this country like some parts of the Middle East where a woman can be stoned to death for the crime of being a rape victim.

But what I, a rape victim, myself,
wills say to young women is this:

Stay as safe as you can."

NOT because,

"if you get raped because you were drunk / making out with the guy / got into his car / dressed provocatively, people will blame you "

...because anyone who says that is an idiot and an  asshole.

But because we simply don't want rape to happen.


And no matter how much people may be prepared to blame the rapist,

and no matter how badly he is punished for his crime;


...it won't change the fact that rape would now have become a part of your life story.

And that's what we're trying to prevent.

The majority of sexual assaults are someone the victim knows. 

And very often the victim did NOTHING that could have been said to "encourage" the assault,
and did NOTHING "stupid".

Since that risk exists, without your having made any errors in judgment, anyway,
then why fail to take every precaution you can to reduce your chances of getting raped?