In real life, I'm vile and rapacious beyond measure. My entire schooling was a fraud since all assignments were actually completed by kids I blackmailed (and now they complete my work as adults for the same reason). I eat most of the Girl Scout cookies at home. I guide the sight-impaired into lampposts then blame them for the mishap. I love to change lanes without using my blinkers, and then I give the finger to the person I cut off. My favorite game to play with my kids when they were little was "Hide from Caligula". Genuine assholes see me and shake their heads in awed disbelief. I enjoy entering confessionals to see if I can reduce a priest to tears of horror and despair. I'll use the last of the shampoo but leave the empty bottle in the shower. I pay for expensive items in pennies and nickels -- especially during the holidays. I fake medical emergencies on airliners just to inconvenience the other passengers by causing the plane to make an unscheduled landing. I've ruined Santa Claus for many children. For years, my parents thought I had Tourette's Syndrome until they realized I'm just aggressively foul-mouthed. I enjoy laughing loudly in crowded theaters during sad movies. Needless to say, I'll also shout out spoilers whenever possible. I bathe in the tears of the hopeless and forlorn. Most of my practical jokes involve power tools.
So, on balance, I'd say I'm much worse online.
So, on balance, I'd say I'm much worse online.
