Midlife Crisis?

[robvalue]

Great advice, thank you both

It's the guilt that is the biggest problem. I'm quite happy to let me mind wander, it's just the feeling that I'm doing something bad and over-indulging that gets to me. Or the feeling that "maybe this could be real if I just..."

I have to let go of that, indulge them for what they are, not feel bad about it and quit trying to pretend I can just make them real. I've told my wife all of this, she thinks it's funny in general, but it's hard for her when they get on top of me. I couldn't deal with it if she wasn't so understanding. I've been with girls before who would use it against me, while pretending they don't do exactly the same thing.

I know I could in theory keep this all to myself, but I just can't. I feel I have to be honest with Emma, about everything. Anything I hold back feels like a ticking time bomb in my chest.

It's the guilt which makes me try to "stop thinking about it". And that is guaranteed to make me think about it even more, and so on. A vicious cycle. It's had me by the balls a bit lately. Sometimes a sleep is what it takes. When I wake up, it's like my subconscious has been to town on it, putting things into perspective and sorting out what is real and what is not.

I gotta let them come, and let them go. I sometimes get this ridiculous rush of excitement along with them that I never used to feel; like it's actually happening. That makes me feel guilty too. But I need to accept I can't stop this happening, and to stop feeling bad about it.