Help to de-convert!

[deleteduser12345]

Hey all...

I have been with my bloke for 4 years...when we got together he had no set beliefs, just that a higher power/universe type thing was out there. When we talked about religion he never showed interest in christianity or jesus, in fact he thought it was a load of rubbish but was respectful of people's beliefs as he had some Christian friends...

Last year I was diagnosed with cancer and I guess that because he has remained what he would call spiritual, he sought solace from a local church that his friends go to.

And guess what? He's now been brainwashed into believing 'god' created the universe, that jesus died for his sins and he has a personal relationship with him.

I literally couldn't hate religion any more than I do, I feel such a deep disgust towards it, and in particular christianity, I know it is wrong and untrue to my very core. 

I just can't believe they've got their claws into him, this one particular self righteous egotistical twat must be thanking jesus that he's finally converted him because he used to try regularly. 

My boyfriend even did the fucking alpha course!

He is a very vulnerable person with a lot of shit in his past and I guess the stage 3 cancer that I had only a 50% chance of surviving pushed him over the edge. Unfortunately now I just look at him and think he's lost his intelligence and critical thinking and I'm finding it hard to reconcile my love for him and my atheist beliefs (knowldge).

It doesn't matter how logically I talk to him about his beliefs, he just won't listen. He thinks that he talks to god and hears answers when he prays, albeit one word answers and that he is filled with the holy spirit regularly. 

I really really need some help, he's not the person I fell in love with but he says that he hasn't changed and doesn't see how what he believes is hurting anyone, even though I tell him it hurts me so much. To him, 'god' is much more important than I am, I mean obviously, because he gets to go to heaven and all that shit, whereas I can only offer him a normal life in a rented 2 bed flat...except I don't make him worship and obey my narcissistic puppet master ass for the privilege of doing so!

Please can I get some ideas as to how I might be able to de-convert him? Easy to read books, sympathetic documentaries etc? Mind control techniques?! Anything that might work...I want to stay in this relationship, he is a great person who's been preyed upon by stronger people who saw his need for shelter, but if I can't get the person he used to be back I'm pretty much out of here...say what you want about the strength of love, I can't envision being in a relationship with someone who is at the complete opposite end of the religious spectrum as me and being able to make it work...

Thanks humans   

I'm sorry that you have to go through such. However, I know that it can be really mentally distressing being in the situtation you are in, in one hand there's a possibility that things go wrong, and on the other hand your SO isn't the same person he used to be, that's not very good either (for you, that is. He might be happier this way). Your way of coping is to change him back to who he used to be, his way of coping is comfort from religion. I don't want to be rude, do not misunderstand me but I don't think you should try to change him as a person, nor do I think it's entirely possible in this situtation, there isn't a religion switch in the brain.

Do everything the doc says, make sure you're ok and once you get better I think you should step by step try to relax, don't beat yourself up with your SO and see how things go from there on. If your boyfriend keeps believing in Jesus and such, I'd just let him go if if's a problem for you, even if it seems difficult, I think in the end it would be the right decision. However, if his religiousness doesn't interfere with you two as a couple i.e there's no conflict, annnoyance and such between you and him because of your different beliefs, then you should sort things out with him step by step and hope for the best.

And I apologise if my advice is quite shitty or said in the wrong manner, I haven't been in a not so fun situtaion like this, I am only trying to give a helping hand.

I hope everything goes well, goodluck.