RE: Victim Blaming?
September 19, 2016 at 4:44 am
(This post was last modified: September 19, 2016 at 4:48 am by Regina.)
It's tricky, and like others have said I see both sides of the coin.
I feel like saying "women shouldn't have to be careful" is ideal, unfortunately it's not reality. There are some shitty men in this world, it's been that way for a long time, and it'll continue however much we attempt to educate men about consent. That's just sad reality, it shouldn't be that way, but it is.
It is always the rapists' fault, let's be clear on that. However, I feel like it's not an either/or situation, and that's what bothers me with this conversation. People act like you're saying either it's the rapists' fault or it's entirely on the victim for not being responsible. No both can exist, they're actually not mutually exclusive. It is always the rapists' fault yes, but I think there are also some situations where I do think the victim could have been a bit more responsible... although not that the victim's state of drunkenness should ever be used to consider the rapist somehow more innocent.
Case in point, that story that came out a while ago where some woman in South Africa, drunk or some shit, decided to get naked into a shower with a man she barely knew. So no, rather than using her intuition and saying "no, I'm good" she gets in the shower with him and then gets oh so *surprised* when he makes sexual advances? Really? That's not realistic or rational.
Alcohol has many effects. The same drug that can make one person lose their inhibitions that would normally stop then from acting on sexual urges, can also take away another's sense of danger and responsibility. This is also the same drug (taking it away from rape) that causes fights, idiotic behaviour, throwing up in the streets, and a plethora of illnesses in the long term. It's not to say "don't drink or enjoy yourself", we all love a drink sometimes, but you do have to be aware of the effects of alcohol and that's why education around the issue is so important.
I feel like saying "women shouldn't have to be careful" is ideal, unfortunately it's not reality. There are some shitty men in this world, it's been that way for a long time, and it'll continue however much we attempt to educate men about consent. That's just sad reality, it shouldn't be that way, but it is.
It is always the rapists' fault, let's be clear on that. However, I feel like it's not an either/or situation, and that's what bothers me with this conversation. People act like you're saying either it's the rapists' fault or it's entirely on the victim for not being responsible. No both can exist, they're actually not mutually exclusive. It is always the rapists' fault yes, but I think there are also some situations where I do think the victim could have been a bit more responsible... although not that the victim's state of drunkenness should ever be used to consider the rapist somehow more innocent.
Case in point, that story that came out a while ago where some woman in South Africa, drunk or some shit, decided to get naked into a shower with a man she barely knew. So no, rather than using her intuition and saying "no, I'm good" she gets in the shower with him and then gets oh so *surprised* when he makes sexual advances? Really? That's not realistic or rational.
Alcohol has many effects. The same drug that can make one person lose their inhibitions that would normally stop then from acting on sexual urges, can also take away another's sense of danger and responsibility. This is also the same drug (taking it away from rape) that causes fights, idiotic behaviour, throwing up in the streets, and a plethora of illnesses in the long term. It's not to say "don't drink or enjoy yourself", we all love a drink sometimes, but you do have to be aware of the effects of alcohol and that's why education around the issue is so important.
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane" - sarcasm_only
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable." - Maryam Namazie
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable." - Maryam Namazie