Victim Blaming?

[LadyForCamus]

I understand both sides of the argument.

Females shouldn't have to worry about doing something, like drinking, or dressing in a certain way, or partying with strangers, lest they get raped. They shouldn't and it's unfair. And it can be hard for some males to relate to this, case in point with Ark there.

But it is a reality. Rape happens a lot. We have to deal with it to the best of our abilities.

Life is neither fair nor nice. Most living things have to fight tooth and nail or fly away to remain living in the natural environment.

I'm saying trying to blame either party gets in the way of actually being able to prepare for and deal with the situation if it happens. It's completely beside the point of rational self protection....which starts with being able to remain conscious and in good control of all your facilities.

Alright, here we go. I probably shouldn't even be in this discussion at all, but since Losty was brave and opened that door, I'm going to follow her through (and probably regret it later) in order to further her point, because I think it's an important one.

I was that girl. I was the walking, talking cliche college chick who got too drunk at a large house party. Too drunk to go home with my friends. So drunk that I passed out on a futon in one of the bedrooms in the apartment. The idiot who said, "noooo, I'll be fine," when my girlfriends begged me to come home with them, because I was literally too wasted to walk. Ofc, it wasn't my intention to get that drunk but...I dunno, shit happens when you're young and dumb. Suffice it to say, I should have went with them.

I have long since emotionally and psychologically processed the physical assault committed against me. I'm fully over the experience of the actual act itself. What DOES still keep me awake some nights almost 10 years later, is the shame of my actions. My own failure to behave as a responsible adult; to do the bare minimum in order to stay safe. Regret is a powerful emotion.

Blaming the victim serves NO meaningful purpose, because she more than likely already blames herself, and probably always will to some extent. Holding the perpetrator responsible for his actions is the only thing that matters once a crime has already been committed.

We are a mostly-civilized country; not a pack of wild animals in the woods. Ark, your comments are reminiscent of ScienceAF's earlier thread on the subject which amounted to: 'men gonna rape, nothing we can do about it!' And that's just a wholly ineffective attitude toward the subject. I acted a fool all over the place in college; went to plenty of parties, had many male friendships and acquaintances who I got very drunk with very often, and who NEVER, EVER tried to hurt me when I was vulnerable. It was just the one guy who happened to be a rapist.

Education as a means of prevention for both young men and women is important, but blaming someone for something after it has ALREADY happened is...just dumb.