Symbolic Death and My Second Crisis of Faith

[Angrboda]

And so yeah, without a romantic relationship and an illustrious career, I find myself feeling the burden of the meaninglessness of my life. I like the idea that career and relationships form a symbolic form of immortality, and that once these illusions are shattered, the fear of death sets in, and life feels meaningless.  

What should I do?

I wish I had an answer, but I don't. To me, your searching for a relationship and a career is part of the grappling with the need for meaning. You are putting activities that are meaningful to you in your life. I think meaning is a moment to moment affair. I think hoping to find permanent meaning will just leave you grasping. Do things, first of all, then look for meaning second.

I have my own struggles of meaning to contend with. I'm 53 years old, and I've been suffering depression for the last three years. I know that if I could get involved in something, I'd find the time passing more easily. But I can't seem to get interested in anything. So I see one week passing, the same as the week before, which was the same as the week before that. I'm not bothered by a lack of meaning per se, so much as the monotony and boredom is getting to me. Is that simply a different kind of crisis of meaning? Perhaps.