Sex or affection?

[Amarok]

I'm severely physically disabled and  I've moved around a whole ton, including in high school, of which I attended 4 in 3 states. I definitely had my crushes on girls over the years, but with those circumstances weighing against me, nothing ever happened. 

So, now, at three days short of 41, I just don't know. One moment I feel like I lean heavily towards sex, but then I get to really thinking about sex, and feel like it seems all cold if there's not a mutual affection present.  I can look at the most heartbreakingly beautiful young woman on the web, and I'd yearn painfully hard for her affection. For that feeling that she thinks as highly of me as I do of her. 

OTOH, sex with somebody you find physically unattractive would seem like a chore. At best like repeatedly licking a cowboy boot. 

So, with all that said, it almost seems like my own status quo is the best.

That's rough friend