RE: White Man's Guilt
January 3, 2017 at 1:54 am
(This post was last modified: January 3, 2017 at 1:57 am by vorlon13.)
One of the factors in my liking the show Rescue Me so much was the strong emphasis on survivors guilt for the lead character (p/b Dennis Leary) in the first season or two. (the Leary character had survived 9/11 and knew many other firefighters who hadn't) For me the trigger was testing HIV- (much to my surprise) and then realizing fairly quickly I was quite likely to survive most all my friends of that era and then going on to do so. Maybe that depleted my guilt gland for the racial topic here, Idunno, but I haven't had anything else rise to the level of that experience. I'll admit some surprise at not having any in regards to the significant number I've lost to addictions, not sure what insulated me from that. Attributing it to either working the snot out of my program and/or the unusual manner of my gestation into 12 Steppers seems like somewhere I don't want to go for some reason, but that leaves it a mystery.
As to the debilitating effects of survivors guilt, I could write a book. I suppose it's a subset of depression, but that seems a vastly inadequate characterization. Encountering Brian exacerbated it, but I'd say I was in for a rough ride with or without him. A friend of mine "J", would have seemed a candidate for it, but he's never evidenced any hint of it. Appropriate grief as events unfurled, sure, but no overreaching effects like I've had. Haven't ever (?) encountered 'survivors guilt' as a topic at any 12 Steppers meeting I've attended, I chaired the topic myself once, but didn't get much buy in from the group that occasion. (about the only 'dud' of a topic I've ever done).
To this day seeing news reports of various disasters with one or a very small number of survivors usually triggers me along the lines of "that poor person, I know what they are facing, and it is going to be a tough 10 or 20 years of having people around them wondering why the fuck don't they feel better about surviving X, what the fuck is wrong with them, and then that person knowing something is terribly wrong and feeling awful for even thinking about bringing it up because it hurts to live with it". "You LIVED through it! What could possibly be eating you about that?!?!?, WTF is wrong with you ?, What about all those people who DIED ?!?!?!?!"
As to the debilitating effects of survivors guilt, I could write a book. I suppose it's a subset of depression, but that seems a vastly inadequate characterization. Encountering Brian exacerbated it, but I'd say I was in for a rough ride with or without him. A friend of mine "J", would have seemed a candidate for it, but he's never evidenced any hint of it. Appropriate grief as events unfurled, sure, but no overreaching effects like I've had. Haven't ever (?) encountered 'survivors guilt' as a topic at any 12 Steppers meeting I've attended, I chaired the topic myself once, but didn't get much buy in from the group that occasion. (about the only 'dud' of a topic I've ever done).
To this day seeing news reports of various disasters with one or a very small number of survivors usually triggers me along the lines of "that poor person, I know what they are facing, and it is going to be a tough 10 or 20 years of having people around them wondering why the fuck don't they feel better about surviving X, what the fuck is wrong with them, and then that person knowing something is terribly wrong and feeling awful for even thinking about bringing it up because it hurts to live with it". "You LIVED through it! What could possibly be eating you about that?!?!?, WTF is wrong with you ?, What about all those people who DIED ?!?!?!?!"
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
