(January 10, 2017 at 1:25 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: Queen of the Quantum Realm in 82 words
Nobody knows where the deadly purple plague came from. Even the powerful Earth mage is scratching his head. But when his parents fall ill, Jawan looks for clues in places h e’s not supposed to go and finds himself trapped in a world of swirling mists and hostile subatomic particles. He thinks the queen is crazy to put him in a dungeon and then expect him to save her realm from their prophesied enemy. Until he realizes it’s his own world that’s in danger.
Does this blub fly or sink?
The opening sentence is good, but the rest for me just doesn't work.
While reading just this, I have to wonder what is a earth mage in this context? And why does it matter if he is scratching his head? A mage, especially an earth elemental mage is generally not much help in medical scenarios, and if you are trying to play on some "ancient curse" angle then you've got to make that clear. Also, who is Jawan? Just that name doesn't help understand anything about him or what his connection here is, or what kind of challenges he is facing. Similarly the thing about the queen comes in abruptly and really serves no purpose in helping me understand the setting/plot or find any connection to the opening "plague". It seems like we started with a medical thing, moved on to magical adventure, and then jumped to political war setting of some sort.
For me, a good blurb needs to help me visualize and understand the basic premise of the story, it's setting and also I should know precisely what questions to ask going in. In your blurb you can tell us things like what time period this is set in, is it more fantasy/magic theme or scifi theme, and what kind of problems/challenges your protagonist might encounter.
For example the blurb for Dune goes something like "Set in the far future amidst a sprawling feudal interstellar empire where planetary dynasties are controlled by noble houses that owe an allegiance to the imperial House Corrino...", this gives me the context/setting of the story to help me visualize, while also introducing the key players and the plot within the same flow.
Quote:To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
- Lau Tzu
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