Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life

[Amarok]

Recently, I tested my faith to see how well apologetic logic works as it's put into practical application.

So I walked into a bank and the conversation went something like this:

"Hi, I'd like to withdraw $1 million, please."

"Sir, do you have an account at this bank?"

"I don't think you understand. I'm using Ontological reasoning."

"What?" 

"OK, I'll go step by step. Is it possible that I MIGHT have an account at this bank?" 

"Well, yes, but then I would show..."

"I'm just speaking hypothetically, here. In an infinite number of universes, could we conceive that in one of them, I would have an account at this bank?"

"Um, OK, sure but..."

"And is it possible that this account MIGHT have $1 million in it?"

"Well, I suppose but..."

"And an account with $1 million in it would be a great thing, right?"

"Well, yes, I'd like that too but..."

"And an account with $1 million would be a great thing?"

"I just said I'd like that too, but..."

"A greater thing than no account, right"

"That goes without saying but..."

"So we have established that my account with $1 million is one that can exist in our minds?" 

"What?"

"We can conceived of it, right?"

"Well, sure but..."

"And things that exist are greater than things that don't exist, right?"

"Yes but..."

"So my account with $1 million in it must exist!"

"Wait, WHAT?"

"I'd like my $1 million please."

"SIR, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN ACCOUNT AT THIS BANK!"

"Oh, great! Now you're saying that things which don't exist are greater than things which do. Sheesh, you are confused!"

"SECURITY!"

"Ow! Hey! Religious persecution!" 

So clearly, I need to find a bank with greater faith.

Brilliant