I've been subjected to hatred three times in my life because of my oldest daughter having Down syndrome. The first time was the day after she was born. To preface, I was fortunate enough to find out before she was born that she had DS. Most parents don't know until after the birth. So I had a little bit of time to prepare and get ready for a different way of life.
I went into the hospital knowing that I was celebrating a new life and would do whatever it took to make sure she got the best start possible. I joined a DS parent support group, met other parents with kids of all ages. I felt really good knowing the birth of my daughter wasn't something to be sad about, but something to look forward to. I was given books to read as well. One in particular "Babies with Down Syndrome" had been packed in my hospital bag.
I had that book, cover side up, laying on my bed when right around shift change, a nurse walked into my room and bluntly asked me "Does the father of your child know he's got a retarded child?" My face froze and my heart just fell. I was able to only see my daughter once up to that point. And for only five minutes. She was in the NICU. I had to have her via a crash C-section so I wasn't even awake for her birth. They almost lost me in the recovery room. It was traumatic all around and this nurse had the audacity to say that.
I told her to get the fuck out of my room. I was given another nurse for the rest of my five day stint at the hospital. And not only that, but I had contacted an attorney because of how that nurse left me emotionally damaged. Every moment I spent after finding out my child's diagnosis, was spent learning and preparing for what I needed to do for my child. I was excited for her arrival because the stories I had heard from so many parents was that they were left in shock and rather than joy, they mourned the loss of a "normal" baby. Clearly, those parents wished for a different outcome and many said they could have been more prepared had they known ahead of time. But still, knowing that these kids had bright futures and seeing them for myself, gave me hope.
That nurse shattered all of that in one question and the second time I saw my daughter, my immediate thought was not, look at how beautiful she is, but rather, OMG I have a retarded child. No parent should ever have to think that way about their child knowing they have a good future ahead of them. And I will have to live with that for the rest of my life, when it didn't have to be that way. So with the help of an attorney, the hospital's administration office was contacted. That nurse and the five people in the chain of command ahead of her were all fired.
The only other time I have had to deal with that level of ignorance came when my daughter was two years old and the neighborhood drunk came over to ask me how my "mongoloid" child was. I politely educated her, telling her we weren't from Mongolia and then told her my child was fine and to leave us alone. She came up to me again two weeks later, calling my daughter a mongoloid and I told her that if she didn't get her stupid, drunk self out of my face, I was going to lay her out flat on the ground.
There is a reason why I hate the use of certain words. Words like "retard" have no rightful place in society. I don't care who you are or how you were raised to think of that word. It is derogatory and it is always said with malice or the intent to cause harm. Furthermore, people who defend the use of that word are just as ignorant about it as the people who actually use that word. It might take my daughter longer to understand some things or to do some things, but she's a 21 year old woman who has shown me more strength, resilience and intelligence than a lot of people I know who don't have mental health issues. The fact that she smiles and can do so much more than anyone ever gave her credit for is all I need to know that I did a good job raising her. She rises far above many people in this world and is my number one hero.
I went into the hospital knowing that I was celebrating a new life and would do whatever it took to make sure she got the best start possible. I joined a DS parent support group, met other parents with kids of all ages. I felt really good knowing the birth of my daughter wasn't something to be sad about, but something to look forward to. I was given books to read as well. One in particular "Babies with Down Syndrome" had been packed in my hospital bag.
I had that book, cover side up, laying on my bed when right around shift change, a nurse walked into my room and bluntly asked me "Does the father of your child know he's got a retarded child?" My face froze and my heart just fell. I was able to only see my daughter once up to that point. And for only five minutes. She was in the NICU. I had to have her via a crash C-section so I wasn't even awake for her birth. They almost lost me in the recovery room. It was traumatic all around and this nurse had the audacity to say that.
I told her to get the fuck out of my room. I was given another nurse for the rest of my five day stint at the hospital. And not only that, but I had contacted an attorney because of how that nurse left me emotionally damaged. Every moment I spent after finding out my child's diagnosis, was spent learning and preparing for what I needed to do for my child. I was excited for her arrival because the stories I had heard from so many parents was that they were left in shock and rather than joy, they mourned the loss of a "normal" baby. Clearly, those parents wished for a different outcome and many said they could have been more prepared had they known ahead of time. But still, knowing that these kids had bright futures and seeing them for myself, gave me hope.
That nurse shattered all of that in one question and the second time I saw my daughter, my immediate thought was not, look at how beautiful she is, but rather, OMG I have a retarded child. No parent should ever have to think that way about their child knowing they have a good future ahead of them. And I will have to live with that for the rest of my life, when it didn't have to be that way. So with the help of an attorney, the hospital's administration office was contacted. That nurse and the five people in the chain of command ahead of her were all fired.
The only other time I have had to deal with that level of ignorance came when my daughter was two years old and the neighborhood drunk came over to ask me how my "mongoloid" child was. I politely educated her, telling her we weren't from Mongolia and then told her my child was fine and to leave us alone. She came up to me again two weeks later, calling my daughter a mongoloid and I told her that if she didn't get her stupid, drunk self out of my face, I was going to lay her out flat on the ground.
There is a reason why I hate the use of certain words. Words like "retard" have no rightful place in society. I don't care who you are or how you were raised to think of that word. It is derogatory and it is always said with malice or the intent to cause harm. Furthermore, people who defend the use of that word are just as ignorant about it as the people who actually use that word. It might take my daughter longer to understand some things or to do some things, but she's a 21 year old woman who has shown me more strength, resilience and intelligence than a lot of people I know who don't have mental health issues. The fact that she smiles and can do so much more than anyone ever gave her credit for is all I need to know that I did a good job raising her. She rises far above many people in this world and is my number one hero.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
